I’m not sure how to do this…

to turn around from self-hatred.

to not despise this life of mine.

to no longer want to throw it away.

To realize it was never mine to begin with.

To be thankful for all that I do have

and to seek the flaws in my own logic.

not for self-pity,

but to reorganize my perspective

and see what I’ve had the whole time

and simply missed.

 

It’s an interesting prospect.

An idea worth entertaining,

even if just for a better genre of daydream.

that I’m naïve, maybe

but not nearly to the extent I had assumed.

To the extent I had decided.

 

So what next?

Where to now?

What should I put my hope in?

What do I chase after now?

Can I even stay sober for long enough?

Can I focus on one thing hard enough?

Can I even figure out how to be a functional human being?

Am I not too far gone?

So many years spent digging this hole.

So much effort into making this lie,

my truth.

So used to redundancy and failure,

because it never was

the truth.