Turn it around
I’m not sure how to do this…
to turn around from self-hatred.
to not despise this life of mine.
to no longer want to throw it away.
To realize it was never mine to begin with.
To be thankful for all that I do have
and to seek the flaws in my own logic.
not for self-pity,
but to reorganize my perspective
and see what I’ve had the whole time
and simply missed.
It’s an interesting prospect.
An idea worth entertaining,
even if just for a better genre of daydream.
that I’m naïve, maybe
but not nearly to the extent I had assumed.
To the extent I had decided.
So what next?
Where to now?
What should I put my hope in?
What do I chase after now?
Can I even stay sober for long enough?
Can I focus on one thing hard enough?
Can I even figure out how to be a functional human being?
Am I not too far gone?
So many years spent digging this hole.
So much effort into making this lie,
So used to redundancy and failure,
because it never was