I live my days in nuanced pathways

going to and from what i expect myself to do,

going back and forth within life,

a contradicting pendulum that irrevocably pulls and fulfills me.

at times, overwhelm pulls me and exhausts me,

but i function, like i should in this society.

but i am not a machine,

i am not...

however, i do what is expected of me.

sometimes, ...

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I saw my life where I’m rid of smoking

I saw my life where I’m rid of pain

I saw my life where I’m rid of sorrow

I saw my life where I’m rid of my mind telling me to die

I saw it all.

But then, without the pain, what am I?

Who and what am I supposed to be?

What is my place in this vast world where my existence is nothing but a ...

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Dear Kafka, help me. I desperately and indefinitely need your ears because I lose my mind when I think too much. You wrote about how humanity's ruthless progress toward functionality shall be its downfall in Metamorphosis, didn’t you?

Dear Kafka, I feel so weak. I feel like a leech, mooching off of my family and having nothing to show for it. I feel like useless furniture that just exists....

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Heavenly Father,

if the road of life leads to heaven,

let my lover pass through

his beauty outshines this wicked world.

His beauty glows, oh, it glows,

like the last champagne light at the end of the party.

His beauty endures

as the world grows colder. And, Lord,

let him be your angel,

even if I am left to burn.

His wings shadow the threshold of infinity.

The ...

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my tongue is tied

my mouth is sewn shut

my arms in a straitjacket

my eyes gouged out yet, still wanting to blink

to see / i want to see / i have to see / i need to fucking see

with all the blood and flesh of my own mangled around me

i broke my arms out

my bones protruding and bleeding black hot blood

i pierced my mouth open,

my black blood, teeth and flesh flus...

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hey lord, 

you know, im trying

im failing

im spiraling

im lost

i dont know myself

but lord, 

im trying

im trying so fucking hard

is this enough, lord?

i am confused, lord

when will i be able to sleep?

please....

help me

save me from the sins of my mind

and when you do,

please let me rest

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