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Lynn Dye

Fri 8th Apr 2016 22:47

Some great lines here, Laura. Well done, very enjoyable haiku.

Comment is about Arrested Development Haiku (blog)

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Lynn Dye

Fri 8th Apr 2016 22:43

Thank you Jemima and Steve for your comments, both of which made me smile. Much appreciated.

Comment is about Haiku: Tax corruption (blog)

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Lynn Dye

Fri 8th Apr 2016 22:41

Thank you Patricio. Unfortunately, the current lot in power keep giving us more reasons to be angry.
Mind you, I do find I have to switch off from it sometimes or I'd go mad...

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Martin Elder

Fri 8th Apr 2016 22:32

what Alex Harvey do , he would certainly be menacing just by his presence. Nice one Laura

Comment is about Arrested Development Haiku (blog)

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Helen Elliott

Fri 8th Apr 2016 22:32

Excellent. It reads beautifully and stirs the emotions. Really enjoyed :)

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Stu Buck

Fri 8th Apr 2016 22:30

great stuff. flows beautifully. cant add to whats been commented before.

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Martin Elder

Fri 8th Apr 2016 22:28

I almost want there to be more of this ROb but the last line says it all so beautifully.

Comment is about Haiku: Anxious Audience (blog)

Original item by Rob J Mann

Martin Elder

Fri 8th Apr 2016 22:23

I agree with Wolfie with this one. I also picture the individual sitting on the stage with one single spotlight on them in the darkness. Nice one

Comment is about The Empty Stage (blog)

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Harry O'Neill

Fri 8th Apr 2016 21:35

Ray,
I like the secular snatch of un-redemptive word-play

(we`re all livin` on the fat farm these days)


If only I could give up cream slices! :)

Comment is about TYPE 2 DIABETES (blog)

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John F Keane

Fri 8th Apr 2016 21:20

The legend himself!

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Harry O'Neill

Fri 8th Apr 2016 21:15

Laura,
I like the way that this properly executed Haiku form
allows the story to be told in a controlled manner. (and how
appropriate to both the form and the story that `arrested` is)...not to mention the humour...

Some night eh!...sounds like some of the nights we used to get at the old Liverpool Scene years ago.

Comment is about Arrested Development Haiku (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Robert Mann

Fri 8th Apr 2016 20:04

Mark - thanks for the 'like' on Anxious Audience. I suppose the button having been pressed has to have an alternative for those that change their minds, but I agree it seems sort of churlish.
Rob

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Wolfgar Miere

Fri 8th Apr 2016 18:56

Hallie,

I really enjoyed this, there is so much going on.

I like the spiralling rhythm which fits the narrative, almost a desperate reminiscence.

The line "And you bury your face, and unbury ten more" is so simple but carries so much meaning.

The repetition of "and" works well, suggesting an overwhelming sense of futility, by relaying despair in list form. I think its a great piece and could prattle on about it, but really there is no need, as it speaks for itself.

Excuse the intrusive enquiry, but I wonder how old you are. Your profile picture suggests you are relatively young (certainly compared to me) I only ask as it is a very mature piece of writing.

Thanks,

Wolfgar.

Comment is about The Empty Stage (blog)

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steve pottinger

Fri 8th Apr 2016 18:38

It's amazing how much contempt it's possible to squeeze into a haiku... ;-)

Comment is about Haiku: Tax corruption (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

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steve pottinger

Fri 8th Apr 2016 18:29

"when I say butter I mean margarine..." Love that phrase!

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David Lindsay

Fri 8th Apr 2016 17:59

Thanks guys. Really appreciate the comments.
Had a bit of fun writing that one. The pen seemed to enjoy it too :)

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M.C. Newberry

Fri 8th Apr 2016 16:39

There's something that we all should know -
Fast food will make us faster grow...
And if we can't make sense of that,
Recite: Fast food will make you fat!

Comment is about TYPE 2 DIABETES (blog)

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Laura Taylor

Fri 8th Apr 2016 16:37

Cheers Wolfgar

I really like the discipline actually - it's nowhere near as mind-bogglingly difficult as a sestina or a ghazal. They melt my brain. I find it sends you into places you wouldn't normally go.

Comment is about Arrested Development Haiku (blog)

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M.C. Newberry

Fri 8th Apr 2016 16:29

I clicked the "like" box for your post "Anxious Audience"
and was confused to see it change to "unlike"!! Not a
word I'm familiar with and not one I'd choose here anyway.

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Stu Buck

Fri 8th Apr 2016 16:07

im bringing my beard and a tenner

Comment is about Put something in the bonnet? Steve Pottinger and other friendly faces in Chester (article)

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Wolfgar Miere

Fri 8th Apr 2016 15:46

Any work which references Alex Harvey is a worth while endeavour to my thinking.

I think on an occasion such as the one you relate, I might consider Lenny Bruce's actions, but then I would doubtless be arrested too.

I am not a fan of Haiku myself, but recognise the discipline and concentration required to create something of this nature.

Wolfgar

Comment is about Arrested Development Haiku (blog)

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Laura Taylor

Fri 8th Apr 2016 15:18

And Stuart Buck is coming along too! It's gonna be a whole gang of us! :D

Can't wait - it shall be a quadruple hoot :D

Comment is about Put something in the bonnet? Steve Pottinger and other friendly faces in Chester (article)

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Laura Taylor

Fri 8th Apr 2016 15:10

So do I :D Ta very much Jonathan!

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Laura Taylor

Fri 8th Apr 2016 14:53

Ah thank you Robert :) I haven't written haiku in too long, so thank YOU for the jogged elbow :)

And I wouldn't say you still had SO much to learn - from what I've read over the last couple of days, you're doing well alright!

Comment is about Arrested Development Haiku (blog)

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Wolfgar Miere

Fri 8th Apr 2016 14:47

Haha,

of course you are right it won't endear readers. Honestly, though it might bother some it doesn't me.

A little more forthright chatter is on occasion refreshing.

Thanks Laura,

Wolfgar.

Comment is about Glass house (blog)

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Robert Mann

Fri 8th Apr 2016 14:42

Laura - many thanks, but looking at some of your work makes me feel like I am still missing some notes!

Comment is about Haiku: First Dance (blog)

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Laura Taylor

Fri 8th Apr 2016 14:39

It's not exactly going to endear readers to you or your poetry though is it? As a tactic, there's a pretty big flaw in it.

Edited to add: Ah, I see you edited whilst I was typing! Well no they don't, but there's a big difference between not liking a writer and the writer slagging off their readers. There's a contradiction between you posting something and clearly wanting comments, and what you say about 'not seeing them as a loss'.

More editing to add: bloody hell you've changed all of your comment AND a word in the poem!

Sweep works much better than mop did, tying in with that other verse, as you say.



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Robert Mann

Fri 8th Apr 2016 14:38

Laura - I am in awe, not only of your dedication to structure in each stanza, but also of the cadence and rhythm so expertly crafted. I still have so much to learn!
Rob

Comment is about Arrested Development Haiku (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Wolfgar Miere

Fri 8th Apr 2016 14:28

Thanks Laura,

Well if they read the rant then its most likely they have read the above, so job done really.

To like poets one doesn't have to like the writer. I love Wagner!

Of course the "like" gene has to be suspended, some I suppose don't wish to do that, I don't see them as a loss really.

The "mop the floors" line is to suggest the contempt with which the perceived little people (us) are viewed by the so called elite (them), and not at all to suggest that is how we view ourselves.

Having looked closer at the wording after your comments, I do think 'Mop' is the wrong word, I have replaced it with sweep, as one may mop blood but never glass. So thanks for focusing me in on that.

Also, I don't think the fifth verse would not work without the third.

Thanks again, always appreciated.

Hope you managed to see 20,000 days on Earth and if not yet, will soon.

Wolfgar

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Peter knaggs

Fri 8th Apr 2016 14:05

Poem of the week!!!

Comment is about The lovers (blog)

Original item by mike watts

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Laura Taylor

Fri 8th Apr 2016 14:05

Always good to slag off potential readers right underneath the poem you want them to read and comment on!

I actually think this is a good piece, but am not sure about the mopping floors line. Or the rant.

Comment is about Glass house (blog)

Original item by Wolfgar

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Laura Taylor

Fri 8th Apr 2016 13:57

Phwoar - THIS is a line! Her velvet collisions dress the air.

Love it.

Comment is about The Moth (blog)

Original item by Simon Austin

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Laura Taylor

Fri 8th Apr 2016 13:52

Again, I must compliment your gorgeous sonics! Just lovely :)

Comment is about Haiku: First Dance (blog)

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Tommy Carroll

Fri 8th Apr 2016 13:17

:-)

Comment is about Ghost Dancer (blog)

Original item by Pixievic

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Robert Mann

Fri 8th Apr 2016 12:05

Thanks ladies for your interpretations.
Lynn - I do not hold you responsible for Jemima's comment.
Jemima - What are you taking and where can I get some?
Rob

Comment is about Haiku: Dead Sleep (blog)

Original item by Rob J Mann

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Suzanne Iuppa

Fri 8th Apr 2016 11:59

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Tom

Fri 8th Apr 2016 11:56

Hi Mike, loved this. Well written and strong finish. T.

Comment is about The lovers (blog)

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Nigel Astell

Fri 8th Apr 2016 10:33

Stately home
unexplained presence
teenage Queen
brutality disfigured.

What am I ?

The theme for Monday is put together a poem with a puzzle so the person listening can work out who or what it is about.

If you think of one bring it along with you and we shall try and solve the riddle!

On Saturday the 9th April there will be a Write Out Loud workshop at the Gallery at 10.30am to 12.30 followed by an open mic later at 3.30 to 4-30pm.


Comment is about Write Out Loud at Stockport art gallery tonight (article)

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Stu Buck

Fri 8th Apr 2016 10:33

really enjoyed this. its wonderfully gothic and sensual, and reminds me a lot of the hg wells story of the same name, in tone rather than content. taken metaphorically, as a poem about a woman in the throws of love, or literally as a description of a moths futility, its excellent and actually works both ways, a clever thing indeed. i am smitten. some great lines too. velvet collisions. lovely.

Comment is about The Moth (blog)

Original item by Simon Austin

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Matthew James

Fri 8th Apr 2016 07:43

Thank you Steve, that really means a lot

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Wolfgar Miere

Fri 8th Apr 2016 06:32

Thanks Helen.

Wolfie.

Comment is about Resting pulse (blog)

Original item by Wolfgar

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Jemima Jones

Thu 7th Apr 2016 23:40

no! no! no! (tee hee) 'dreamy mouth watering void' blame Lynn,Rob,she gave me the idea!Thank you.Jemima.

Comment is about Haiku: Dead Sleep (blog)

Original item by Rob J Mann

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Jemima Jones

Thu 7th Apr 2016 23:35

ha! put that in your offshore account D.C. and bloody well choke on it! nice bit of arse booting here,Lynn.Thank you.Jemima.

Comment is about Haiku: Tax corruption (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

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Jemima Jones

Thu 7th Apr 2016 22:56

if gratitude was money,I would gladly make the three of you,very rich! Very interesting and much appreciated comments.Nicola,that last sentence in particular,is so apt.Ray,another of your usual accurate observations.Helen,that you 'like' boosts necessary inspiration.Thanks to each of you,very much.Jemima.

Comment is about Goodbye to the Sun (blog)

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Helen Elliott

Thu 7th Apr 2016 22:26

Sorry to hear you've had a tough time of it. I read your Mothering Sunday poem and assume it is connected. If so, then I am so sorry :( x

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Helen Elliott

Thu 7th Apr 2016 22:22

I love the simplicity of this one. In nature's palm indeed :)

Comment is about Resting pulse (blog)

Original item by Wolfgar

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Helen Elliott

Thu 7th Apr 2016 22:13

Ray,

Firstly, I like the title. Both my 4 year old son and my husband have type 1 Diabetes, and it is very frustrating when people don't differentiate between the types.

If I had a quid for every time someone asked me if I gave my own child too many sweets, and therefore 'gave' him this horrible condition, I would be a seriously rich woman!

As for Type 2, I worry that effects of poor education when it comes to our diet, will have a detrimental effect for many years to come (a bit like smoking of the previous generation).

If people could spend some time in the life of a family with insulin dependent Diabetics, injecting themselves a minimum of 4 times daily, pricking their fingers double that, and dealing with the constant highs and lows of this horrible condition, then they might be think twice about their lifestyle choices.

Thanks for the read :)

Comment is about TYPE 2 DIABETES (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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raypool

Thu 7th Apr 2016 21:40

Really excellent this one Jemima. Heart of darkness, and about the worst scenario for a relationship as it takes not just trust out the door but also confidence, in human nature and in the future

Comment is about Goodbye to the Sun (blog)

Original item by Jemima Jones

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raypool

Thu 7th Apr 2016 21:27

Just to clarify Laura about the mirror - when the backing starts to deteriorate behind the glass you get that kind of distressed look, black holes if you like, that are apparently sought after by collectors, believe it or not. I think a kind of fungus takes hold. Check it out, lass. Thanks for the interest and I hope you are happy with it. !

Ray

Comment is about SNOBS (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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Lynn Dye

Thu 7th Apr 2016 21:19

Love it, Rob, a nice dreamy one!

Comment is about Haiku: Dead Sleep (blog)

Original item by Rob J Mann

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