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Gus Jonsson

Sat 10th Apr 2010 00:55

Fatima
You held me spell bound... well deserved winner.


Gus x

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Fatima al.matar

Sat 10th Apr 2010 00:52

Isobel, thank you, you're so kind :)


Sophie, thank you, the journey back was shorter, and less stressful, no queues or delays (phew)!!


Winston, yes the trip was worth it, I have attended many poetry events before but I have never felt so welcome and so taken care of as I was in Wigan... what a fantastic group of people xx

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winston plowes

Fri 9th Apr 2010 23:16

Hi Fatima... The big adventure to Wigan paid off! Well done you. Win

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Fri 9th Apr 2010 22:50

Are you willing to pay? I,ll just fetch the wife.She loves your poetry.good one Wytchy-Stef.

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winston plowes

Fri 9th Apr 2010 22:36

Hi Max. On a roll on WOL I think. Great stuff. Win. P.S. Like your blog / website thingy bob too

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John Coopey

Fri 9th Apr 2010 21:26

Ann
It is a bird indeed.
I don't recommend however that you google "goatsucker"!
Myth has it that the nightjar suckles from goats at night. I've never seen one while I've been at it.

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Steven Dark

Fri 9th Apr 2010 20:54

Thanks kealan. Your comments are welcome and you paraphrased the sentiment of the piece exactly as I meant it. :)

Comment is about I WILL NOT bow low to none who deserve it (blog)

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kealan coady

Fri 9th Apr 2010 20:11

I really enjoed this, the repitition is fucken class but i thought a different ending mite do it more justice (just my opinion)

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kealan coady

Fri 9th Apr 2010 20:04

Nostalgia is one of the most dangerous emotions possible, for good and bad, this poem (for me) captures this constant boundry surrounding the mind's most delicate regions.

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kealan coady

Fri 9th Apr 2010 20:01

This is a great piece, revolutionary in theme, worthy of popularity, you have caught the anger of the common man who is reminded everyday of the chain of command forced upon him by the demons of profit. For eg... the royal family.... WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY DO? the queen has 220 million in the bank simply for being born into a certain family, its a fucking disgrace.

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kealan coady

Fri 9th Apr 2010 19:56

Well layed out and fluent.

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kealan coady

Fri 9th Apr 2010 19:53

Good theme and language here but it would take more than rain to wash the scum off the streets

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Katy Stewart

Fri 9th Apr 2010 19:49

Indeed - maybe that is one for "To Whom it May Concern 2" ! x

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Katy Stewart

Fri 9th Apr 2010 19:48

Thank you very much Graham - any feedback is much appreciated. I promise I won't fall into a hole of self hatred if I get criticised! x

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kealan coady

Fri 9th Apr 2010 19:48

thanks again for the comments and critisizm, its much appreciated, i'll get straight on them.

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Donna Marie Beck

Fri 9th Apr 2010 18:19

Hey,
i really like the line 'the bike wrapped around me like an exhsausted lover' its a good description. i have come off of mine afew times,Donna.

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 9th Apr 2010 18:12

Sorry Max - this is getting boring now - you're just SO GOOD! ;-) And don't change your picture, never be ashamed of being young! xx

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Max Wallis

Fri 9th Apr 2010 18:08

In fact, perhaps I should change my picture.

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Max Wallis

Fri 9th Apr 2010 18:07

Thank you for the kind words Antony - if you want to see more of my work then go to : http://somethingeveryday.tumblr.comwhere I'm creating every day.

Max

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Max Wallis

Fri 9th Apr 2010 18:04

Thank you everyone. And yes Antony, I hope people judge me by my words rather than my face.

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Antony Owen

Fri 9th Apr 2010 18:00

Ann

I'll dance with you lady !

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Antony Owen

Fri 9th Apr 2010 18:00

Max I have to compliment you on writing a poem of this quality and from your photo you write with a wisdom that belies your tender age.

I'm very impressed with this poem, it appears you craft an image trying to avoid generics and you have a good control of meter and are you one to look out for?

I think if you keep writing, accept critiques like flowers then you def will.

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Antony Owen

Fri 9th Apr 2010 17:56

I think I get this but the line 'Once five and then four' delivers my paradox - though that is more my problem than the poets but if this is an adults recollection of parental break up despite it being strong some may struggle with it.

Again however not up to the poet to write for everyone, some of the best poems come from a place that can;t be explained fully.

The last 6 lines are great and I like the way this poem is written with absolute refusal to feel sorry for itself.

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Antony Owen

Fri 9th Apr 2010 17:45

Hi

Thanks for your comment on Broken Babies it was kind of you to make time.

I just read your poem Wife & Mother and you yourself write with a passion and energy. The lines (all of them good) which stood out to me were I have kissed the lips of a dead man
and inhaled as his last breath failed.

I always admire poetry that leaves a map of the persons heart that wrote it.

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 9th Apr 2010 17:43

Nicely written piece Max. I particularly like the use of a non-word like "nolight", it shows inventiveness without unbalancing the lightness of your words. Well done.

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Emma Robinson

Fri 9th Apr 2010 17:40

oh I love this Kathryn, I feel the same way exactly about my little girl :) are you coming on Saturday? It will be nice to meet you in person!

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 9th Apr 2010 17:39

Welcome to WOL Katy. The one thing you'll get plenty of here is feedback. I thought Stopped was clever.

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John Coopey

Fri 9th Apr 2010 17:20

Ann
It is a bird indeed.
I don't recommend however that you google "goatsucker"!
Myth has it that the nightjar suckles from goats at night. I've never seen one while I've been at it.

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Tommy Carroll

Fri 9th Apr 2010 17:08

haha...nor a 'spread-legged bare arse and squirting vagina.'

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Tommy Carroll

Fri 9th Apr 2010 17:03

haha, so,so real-as I was too. Hearing conversation or music that pleases not drowns.

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Sarah

Fri 9th Apr 2010 16:42

Stuck Unsaid is a very powerful poem. Two great performances from you last night.

S.

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 9th Apr 2010 16:19

A very delicate poem Max. Lots of nice lines, I really like
In the shadows of nolight I hear your footsteps
irregular and dancing.

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Fri 9th Apr 2010 16:13

Boy! do I know exactly where you are coming from Kath.Would that happen to be you,middle rear row?don,t bollock me too hard if not! neat poem-cheers-Stef-x

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Steven Dark

Fri 9th Apr 2010 15:37

Simply Beautiful.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 9th Apr 2010 14:41

This seems a fair question. There is no reason why it should be politically incorrect. From whom should we expect an answer? Putting it into street 'talk' doesn't reduce its seriousness.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 9th Apr 2010 14:30

Wonderful poem, Dave, spot on in every way. And, yes, the personification of the teacup is super. How our minds do wander in weird ways in the middle of family mayhem! The last line is outstanding.

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 9th Apr 2010 14:14

I agree :)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 9th Apr 2010 14:10

Excellent, Kealan - the 'universal' ideas in bold fresh language. 'Creating sense from Nature's disfigured corners' is superb. You inspire me.

Editting point: when you are hyphenating words together to make an adjective, do not add spaces before and after the hyphen; they should stay 'tucked'. Unless this is a deliberate quirk, of course.

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Sophie

Fri 9th Apr 2010 14:07

very well done last night Fatima, hope the journey home to Coventry wasnt too long for you. Beautiful poetry x

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 9th Apr 2010 14:06

This is a lovely, intimate and inspiring short poem. IMO one of your best.

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Isobel

Fri 9th Apr 2010 13:03

Congratulations on winning the slam Fatima. It was well deserved and you gave a beautiful performance.

I love your profile poem. Indisposable sadness often comes with excess baggage - don't you think? Beautifully expressed.

Isobel x

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 9th Apr 2010 12:55

It's a bird isn't it John? (Or is it a plane? Nonono!)xxYep, just looked in me dictionary - it's a nightjar!
OH! You did it to me again! I just listened to the audio and you give the game away on that! It's "highly camouflaged and semi-crepuscular" you know!

Comment is about Goatsucker - Villanelle to Hell's Angel (blog)

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 9th Apr 2010 10:08

I agree, a lovely poem.

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 9th Apr 2010 10:04

Thank you for the comments on Insurance. I must confess that the "dedicated water damage claim handler" and the "dedicated loss adjuster" are total quotes from some tv add for an insurance company! I thought they were such marvellous phrases! I expect the man from the Pru or somewhere will be round shortly to arrest me for plagiarism! Must go and write the sequel entitled "Go to work on an egg!"

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 9th Apr 2010 09:52

Thank you for the comments. I must confess that the "dedicated water damage claim handler" and the "dedicated loss adjuster" are total quotes from some tv add for an insurance company! I thought they were such marvellous phrases! I expect the man from the Pru or somewhere will be round shortly to arrest me for plagiarism! Must go and write the sequel entitled "Go to work on an egg!"

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Moxy Casimir

Fri 9th Apr 2010 09:41

Magical!

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Moxy Casimir

Fri 9th Apr 2010 09:37

This is glorious! Is it based on the legend of Sweeney?
Have you seen The Mighty Boosh where Bryan Ferry goes feral in the forest and looks after Vince Noir?

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 9th Apr 2010 09:37

Dave hello. I'm sorry that this is so late, but many thanks for your kind nomination. It's been a very hectic time workwise and I am just getting myself organized on the poetry front again. Once again many thanks. Graham

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 9th Apr 2010 09:31

Ann the first two lines are superb. What an anti-hero, a dedicated water damage claim handler.......inspired!

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 9th Apr 2010 09:29

This is a charming piece Kathryn. I hope you find him.

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