Much enjoyed.

Would you consider dropping 'Then, and only then.'
into a final line, like snapping a book shut?

Comment is about Society (blog)

Original item by Rich

Many thanks Cynthia.

This one is an updated rehash previously blogged. Crudely exposing me to be an 100% none believer.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Aishah, I'll try to catch up with more of your work. I do like your sample - excellent philosophy..

Comment is about Alonelymouse (poet profile)

Original item by Alonelymouse

Some good description in this, quite freshly put. 'For the fifth time' is a great teaser, engaging reader imagination. As is 'glorious and gruesome'. An interesting work.

Comment is about While I wait (blog)

Original item by Alonelymouse

I'll try to catch up with some more of your work, Mr. Bartram. Your Bio is very interesting.

Comment is about Mike Bartram (poet profile)

Original item by Mike Bartram

And that's why the role of grandparents is so rewarding. Not rushing it, mind you, but hoping those days will come to you. Getting through the 'teens' is the really hard part; one minute - more child than adult. The next - exactly the opposite. A good poem about a very real common experience.

Comment is about Magical Days (blog)

Original item by Mike Bartram

Welcome to WOL, Miranda. Interesting bio. I think the stream of consciousness of all minds is fascinating, neurotic or not. I'll try to check out some more of your works. Time is always at a premium.

Comment is about Miranda Fegan (poet profile)

Original item by Miranda Fegan

Different, and very compelling. Could apply to any 'job', since 'creativity' can be entirely by personal definition, even motherhood.

Comment is about Creative (blog)

Original item by Miranda Fegan

Cynthia, thank you for such a constructive response to my poem Disdain. As a young man prior legalisation in the UK life was intolerable. It was akin to being a Jew in Nazi Germany. The police were tasked to follow men to their homes in the hope of being able to arrest them. Then the press siezed on this. They lost their jobs and were disowned by families and friends. It was a grim existence and the result is bitterness. Gay people generally feel a great empathy for other persecuted minorites. I lost two jobs because of my sexuality and on both occasions it hit like a blow. Thank you again for your response. Keith

Comment is about Disdain (blog)

Original item by keith jeffries

Hello Keith
Thank you for your positive comment and kind words
I also read some of your poems, and I really like the
beautiful expression of feelings.
Kind regards
Artur

Comment is about keith jeffries (poet profile)

Original item by keith jeffries

Ditto.

(Brevity can work, too. Haha!)

Comment is about AGE OLD CONCERN (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

You're in fine fettle this evening. A big subject tackled 'bigly'. Well put.

Comment is about THE RENEWABLE CYCLE (blog)

Original item by ken eaton-dykes

Some points strongly and proudly made, with stringent emphasis. I like the general to the specific. Whether it is personal or not is immaterial.

One small suggestion: last line - with respect(as you know)

'on them and pity their fetid minds.'

With the word 'dull', full of 'llll' 'jettisoned - 'pity' and 'fetid' smack together, and the final thought hits like a blow.

Comment is about Disdain (blog)

Original item by keith jeffries

Fitzroy,Your command of the language is masterful. I shall need to read your poems over and over again to digest their full import. You are very accomplished. Thank you for this. Keith

Comment is about The Wind's Lament (blog)

Original item by fitzroy herbert

Poetry is one of the best, most everlasting ways to honor our loved ones. Great poem.

Comment is about The Last Night with Grandad. (blog)

Original item by Eva Elizabeth

Thank you for the lovely comments ?

Comment is about Jam Sandwiches (blog)

Original item by Eva Elizabeth

Ken, an excellent poem with humour and thought liberally interspersed. I enjoyed it enormously. Thank you. Keith

Comment is about THE RENEWABLE CYCLE (blog)

Original item by ken eaton-dykes

JC - you have surely hit the nail on the head with your
"gulps of air" analogy. There is certainly the smack of
the green eyed goddess of envy in much of what is said.
Morality is such a useful word - so adaptable to circumstances and handy to imply "guilt" where the law
disagrees!
A fair society is an admirable target but that also means
give and take - not just give. Wealth creators and job
providers deserve proper respect and value for what they
enable whilst those who work on their behalf deserve a
proper wage for their skills and efforts. A government's
duty is to provide a safety net for those who are out of work but not to offer "time without limitation" sums to
those who should be enabled/encouraged to get work of
whatever sort to feed themselves and those they support.
Dependency of the long term sort is not a socially
acceptable scenario except in medically approved extreme circumstances that judge a person beyond any personal
ability to contribute to the work place - and thus to the
benefit of society as a whole.
Being unable to do one thing does not preclude the
ability or opportunity to do something else! Stephen
Hawking would never get work bricklaying but......!!

Comment is about TAX EVASION (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Good to see so many entries coming in for this already, folks! Well worth a few minutes of your time... ?

Comment is about Deadline nears for Wolf poetry competition (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Thanks Colin, that's really valuable feedback, I'm going to try those edits to see how they fit. Most of the words you picked up on were there for rhythm or alliteration rather than to add meaning, maybe I'm trying too hard to be poetic? Great stuff to ponder, thanks again for being so considered thoughtful with your comments. David

Comment is about Dawn by the river (blog)

Original item by David T Jones

this works very well AVS and as David said - simple and poignantly moving. Thanks for posting. Colin.

Comment is about Favourite Shoes (blog)

Original item by Albert Van Skywalker

David, this is a lovely poem with a delicate touch and sensitivity which I very much like. I've read it through several times now and wondered if removing a few words would actually increase the impact without losing any of the dreamy quality: 'the bare', 'the' (before dark), 'clear' or 'empty', 'as' (before 'I reach'), 'and' (before 'see shadows'), 'slowly', 'day' (from 'daylight'), 'cold'.

'still' and 'bare' / 'clear' and 'empty' kinda say the same thing? 'cold' has already been implied?

see shadows shift in the gathering light - shadows tend to shift slowly so why insert 'slowly'? 'gathering light' in this context implies daylight so why insert 'day' when 'day' is also used in the following line which is imo the defining line in the poem and deserves full impact: 'Heartbreak is a hard one at daybreak'

just thoughts out loud David and suggestions to ponder. We all read poetry with different voices so my voice and reading is likely to be different to others. Anyways, thought I'd put my thoughts out there with all good will and best regards. All the best,

Col.

Comment is about Dawn by the river (blog)

Original item by David T Jones

Love this one Luke, very powerful storytelling and a great flow

Comment is about Love losses (blog)

Original item by Luke

Thanks for your generous comments Beno, I really appreciate them. I always pick themes that are full of feelings for me and then I visualise the scene almost like a panel in a comic book. David

Comment is about Dawn by the river (blog)

Original item by David T Jones

I totally connect with your poetry, its really what a I love to read. Its got everything for me. I enjoyed this very much. You describe things so well you can actually be there, as the author, in the poem, feeling and seeing it all. Thank you David. I'm already looking forward to the next one.

Comment is about Dawn by the river (blog)

Original item by David T Jones

Hi Keith,

Many thanks for your comments. When I saw the Tower and understood its significance, I knew I had to mark my visit in some way. The sun shone on the world's colours as brightly, the winds blew as strong, today as they did in antiquity.

Chris

Comment is about The Tower of the Winds (blog)

Original item by Chris Hubbard

Chuma, thank you for your comment. Keith

Comment is about Enveloped in Darkness (blog)

Original item by keith jeffries

Artur, your poems speak from the heart which is the sign of a good poet. Thank you as I have enjoyed all three of them. Keith

Comment is about Artur Hulboj (poet profile)

Original item by Artur Hulboj

Beautifully simple Luke . My own dad knowing he was terminally ill bought a pair of shoes saying to me that he was going on a journey. My mum took them back to the shop quite soon afterwards. He never wore them.

Ray

Comment is about Favourite Shoes (blog)

Original item by Albert Van Skywalker

Thanks, MC. I feel a bit conflicted in that I have avoided tax through things like ISA's, pension contributions and lump sums, redundancy pay, gift-aiding to charities etc. So whilst I am clear that the Paradise revelations are morally reprehensible, my hypocrisy (and I suspect of everyone else's if they are honest) is about others getting "bigger gulps of air".

Comment is about TAX EVASION (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Thank you Keith, I was trying to catch some of the profoundly otherwordly experiences that pain and loneliness can bring.

Comment is about Dawn by the river (blog)

Original item by David T Jones

David, This poem is remarkable in its varied content as one witnesses the break of day which should spur hope yet brings only reality which lies within a soul of disquiet. Strangely I have spent such a night many years ago in a relationship of some difficulty. The poem although sad has a profound quality to it. Thank you. Keith

Comment is about Dawn by the river (blog)

Original item by David T Jones

Chris, this poem is beautifully and dramatically written. Crafted in a manner which befits the edifice concerned and the wealth of history it contains. Thank you for this. Keith

Comment is about The Tower of the Winds (blog)

Original item by Chris Hubbard

A very powerful message to all of us who keep things for 'best' - when exactly is that 'best' ever going to come?
I'm getting those shoes out of the cupboard right now! Thanks

Comment is about Favourite Shoes (blog)

Original item by Albert Van Skywalker

It's been said that aerodynamically-speaking, bees should
not be able to fly! But using human standards of
reference is not a guaranteed way of coming to understand
what is possible in this world.

Comment is about 'Bees had radar in their wings and brains that humans could barely understand' (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Great stuff JC. Love the use of that old hit to put across
the message. But tax has always been a controversial
subject - ever since naughty King John and those who
followed put the squeeze on the people to fund various
ill-advised enterprises in search of even more gain.
As for modern taxation, this really began with the start
of the 20th century as previous administrations made a
point of keeping tax low. Then 20th century politicians
sought to get their hands on our money for their own
ends - and it's still happening, with our cash handed over
to all sorts of unattractive parts and foreign political
posers who build themselves empires and millionaire'
mansions at our expense. I pay my tax, but I do wish
politicians wouldn't see it as THEIR money, to waste
and fritter away with scant regard for its origins.
We should revert back to the Victorian example of low
tax and political economy - and the sooner the better!

Comment is about TAX EVASION (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

I like the rhythm in this Artur ?

Comment is about Guiding Pen (blog)

Original item by Artur Hulboj

Beautiful sentiment and a lovely flowing rhythm

Comment is about Mindless Whispers (blog)

Original item by Dipta Gomes

Ray
Cheers for kind comments on the dresser. They mean more than you'll ever know. I always have this nagging feeling that stuff I write isn't good enough to be posted so your comments have helped me loads.
Thanks again fella

Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)

Original item by ray pool

Nicola, this is so very lovely; the wish of many. Thank you. Keith

Comment is about The trouble with me (blog)

Original item by Nicola Byrnes

HI David. As I put in my poem about the Wheatsheaf - two minds as one. What more can I say? I wrote this on Saturday so fairly concurrent with what you describe. I like your version so far . It's great to see a similar thought pattern in different hands. Piston is the in - word !
Thanks mate.

HI Beno . I think if we find something morally repugnant we are maybe on the road to a better appreciation of life and its responsibilities. No doubt the hunting fraternity would have a cast iron opposite view or should I say a loop hole to escape through' hey, welcome to the real world!
Appreciate your kind comments.

Also, thanks Col and Rich for liking this one!

Ray

Comment is about BLOOD SPORT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Those crazy leaders.

Still love your 'Dear Margaret'.
Found it on YouTube.
Great piece, one to remember.

Hannah

Comment is about Hashtag Arrogance (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

''Just relax'' !
That is amazingly good.

Hannah

Comment is about Just Relax (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Bloody Lovely!

Comment is about The trouble with me (blog)

Original item by Nicola Byrnes

Jon, drenched in an affectionate nostalgia with such amazing detail of both your parents and their impact on you. A truly remarkable poem. Really very well done. Thanks. Keith

Comment is about The Dresser (blog)

Original item by Jon Darby

Thanks for posting this. I had forgotten how beautiful this song is. I went straight to you tube and relived it. Lovely.

Comment is about (blog)

Original item by Nicola Byrnes

Thank you Rich, I could picture it, too.
Thank you Jon, I really appreciate the kind comment.

Comment is about May Flowers (blog)

Original item by Maria Renea

Many thanks to Rob. Hannah, Jon, Colin, Suki, David Keith and Ray

Rob
I am afraid there are times when I get very lazy with my punctuation. smack across the knuckles for me. Though I do appreciate the sentiment of the lumberjack song always well worth a listen.
Hannah
I totally agree with you. This comes form a time when trees where chopped down by hand and much of our house, furniture and ships were made from oak. This has meant that many of our so called forests are no longer so. some having little or no trees to speak of,whilst others have been replanted with fast growing pines.
Jon
I suspect I am like you and Hannah in that I feel that I have quite and affinity with trees although not really a hugger, I like the very living nature of them. Oak trees in particular take a long time to grow lasting for hundreds of years if they remain untouched. I often wonder what tales they would tell if they could speak
David
I am honoured that you refer to Seamus Heaney with regard to this poem. I find the natural beauty of nature itself in flora and fauna in all of its glory incredible
Keith
thanks for that. I often worry that sometimes I am a bit too wordy in my efforts to try and describe what I feel and see in my minds eye.
Ray
thank you as ever for your reading and appreciation. I think you are right in that there has always been a connection between men and trees and therefore wood
Colin
I am truly fascinated but what you state about what you do with wood, is this a hobby or work? some of these things have seemed to me to be almost a dying art at times though I do know there are still a few folk keeping these old trades alive. I always feel its sad that when trees are cut down now either to build another wretched road or for some other ridiculous purpose that the timber is wasted being either cut up for logs or simply cut into wood chippings, when there are so many endless creative purposes they could be put to
Suki
glad you liked the poem and it made you think of 'Shipbuilding' and therefore starting the debate. I personally although being a great fan of Elvis Costello and having seen live twice in the dim distant past like both versions.
Once heard one of the attractions describe Chet Baker at the recording of shipbuilding as a wreck of a man at the time but had still managed that magnificent solo.
Once again thank you all so much for reading and commenting and to Beno for liking
it uplifts me to make feel I am not writing total bilge
Cheers guys
Martin

Comment is about The rhythm of the trees (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

Hi Maria,

Lovely way to write about this.

I can picture this garden, somehow.

Comment is about May Flowers (blog)

Original item by Maria Renea

Desmond, Thank you for your comment. I think the answer lies somewhere between between knowing and believing. Keith

Comment is about What Comes Next (blog)

Original item by keith jeffries