Maybe not the healthiest thing 

But the healthiest I ever had

 

Such a prince charming you seemed, with

 your white van for a steed. Full of recovery 

stories and what seemed like integrity.  

 

Not perfect for sure, an anger problem and unnaturally, unwarranted high self esteem. Yet still better, more together and healthier 

than I had ever been.

 

So many nuggets of wisdom, I gleaned from your words, so many life lessons in my mind's eye are narrated by you. Your words they mattered to me, I worked to make you proud. So much strength i mustered to live by

your creed.

 

I grew strong, felt safe, and became my best, all because of you I was trying to impress. 

 

Not perfect for sure, your gambling and

 unwillingness to budget and save, to get out of debt. Bankruptcies used instead of paying the bills Yet still those dollars you spent to 

woo me, to spoil me , to make me love you. 

Something no cared or wanted before you. 

 

So many nights I curled up with you, feeling so sure of the love found in you. The peace 

in my heart I enjoyed from the flowers in

the kitchen and Etta James slow dances in 

the kitchen with you.

 

The mistletoe year round to maken peace in the house, the trips every week out of town. The hours of singing, laughing, exploring

with you, the only sunny time in my life, I 

thought was with you.

 

Years of abuse and sadness, I was sure had 

all ended with you. 

 

No perfect for sure, not perfectly healthy, no that wasn't you. But certainly the healthiest I ever knew.  

 

Yet a ruse it was, none of it true. I learn all 

these years I felt guilty for leaving you. So 

sure each stumble I made on my own was 

penance for hurting you. The one mistake I 

felt was the worst, I couldn't undo.

 

So many lies, so much cunning now I know you do. The worst crime a person ever could do. Something I never thought was capable of you! Not perfect for sure but the best I 

could do.  

 

Now that I know, I am ashamed I loved you! 

Now that I know, I know what real evils do.

Now that I know, I want to hate you.

 

That sun in my life was nothing more than a manipulation from you.  

 

So back the rain I know all too well. 

 

Now that I know, that time in my life was 

just another hell, hidden beneath a 

manufactured veil.