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Day 19

so ive learned through my 
experiences,

 

or is that just what i tell myself?

 

i can remove a person out of
my life with no remorse.

cry my eyes out for
days, then forget they exist.

delete anything that is
a reminder of them, 
quickly i must say.

 

why is that?

how am i able to move on so quickly
without a thought?

 

is that normal?

 

 

it is to me...

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Day 18

butterflies.
are they a good feeling?
or an anxious feeling?

do they determine what my next 
move may be?

he is charming,
romantic,
thoughtful.
a few qualities that i
definitely like.

i just wonder
whats next?

long distance,
or fun distance.

i havent decided,
but ill make up my mind.

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Day 17

so it took me a lot to write tonight.
for some reason every night i havent
been able to bring myself to it.

i think its because im afraid of whats
going to be written.

 

 

that the past few days have
been a lot to take in.

that your heart should never
know what it feels to be broken.

that actions do matter,
and words arent shit.

that regardless of how much you give,
whe...

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Day 16

mood swings.
food cravings.
restlessness.
emotional.
sensitive.
overwhelmed.
anxiety.
cramps.

 

finally, ive realized why
my week was off, and
emotions off the wire.

 

sometimes its just that.
 

.

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Day 15

barely communicating.
no good morning,
no goodnight,
no just checking in,
no how was your day.

 

i get none of that,
but seem to give all
of that.

 

i no longer want to 
feel like someones 
afterthought.

 

like something someone
has to the side that they
can use and play with
when needed.

 

i dont want to feel like
im no longer cared for.

 

but i dont thin...

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Day 14

so i used to write poetry
when i was younger.

 

i always kept it a secret,
as i do now.

 

for some reason i use 
to think that other individuals
opinions mattered.

 

i wish i couldve told my younger
self that its okay to be vulnerable.

 

that past events shouldnt dictate
your every move.

 

that trying to calculate
everything out so youre 
never surprised.
 

...

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Day 13

so, lets have a small
chat with my mind.

 

*breathe in - breathe out*

 

overthinking has led you 
down a path.

a confusing one.

 

your different scenarios
that replay are fictional.

you conjure up this image for 
me to see, and it doesnt exist.

 

everything isnt as bad as 
you make it seem.
and thats what troubles me.

                   

                  ...

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Day 12

so i havent seen the stars lately.

i havent seen the shining,
sparkling specs in the sky.


i wonder why?


stars have the ability to 
appear, then disappear. 

 

so e a s y.

 

and when they return,
they are always loved.

they get no reaction 
other than smiles.

other than open arms.


i wonder will i be 
a star for someone?

 

maybe i am one
already.

and...

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Day 11

i wonder, what happens
to the people who do not 
ask for help?

 

do they figure it out on their own?

 

i have been struggling with
asking for help.

 

i know it would be great to have,
but also the thought of being
a burden is too much.

 

listening to myself has 
brought me this far.
 

so,

 

im okay with getting the
results myself.

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Day 10

so we are almost nearing two weeks.

 

two weeks of figuring
out how to love myself.

figuring out how to
be alone with myself.

learning how to control
my emotions.

and 

living unapologetically for me.

 

it feels good.

 

 

i just finished my 30 minute workout.
and within this workout, 
i think about nothing but the end goal.

 

waiting for that timer to rea...

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Day 9

what does writing do for you?

does it clear your mind?

remind you of conscience 
descisons.

does it give you strength
because you know your voice
cant be silenced?

 

i                       w o  n d e r.

 

about being able to enter into a 
place of hugs.

a place of peace within
chaos.

a place of self love.

the best place to center yourself.
remember yourself,
a...

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Day 8

today i dont have much to say.

this is the type of day where i just
dont feel like laying out my 
emotions.

so yea,
i dont have much to write about.

but still want to be consistent in
my journaling.

i think that sometimes minimal
effort is still effort.

and maybe tomorrow ill be 
in a different mood.

i wont be forcing anything 
though. 

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Day 7

remember when it was 
easy for you to be open.

remember when second guessing
no longer existed? 

where is it now?

because you are still deciding 
whether or not to move on.

you are still entertaining 
an unpredictable situation.

 

 

THIS

almost feels like holding your breath,

and waiting for someone to
tell you to breathe.

thats insane, right?

in no way should...

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Day 6

when do you make a decision
for you?
when do you strive to make
yourself happy?

ive been asking myself so many questions.
ive been trying to come up with some 
kind of understanding.

im still so confused,
hurt,
betrayed.
but still trying.

i am proud to say ive been consistent.
ive been focused,
ive been happy.

but, could i be happier?

or

should i keep my mind in the now...

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Day 5

so, "babe".
im very confused on the
use of this terminology.
and the use of the heart emojis
like were still going to a place
that was so unheard of before is..

C O N F U S I N G

okay, let me back this up some.
ive begun to remember what
it felt like to pour into myself.
to think only of myself.
its a good feeling,

but

i also feel like im falling.
im playing back memories
an...

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Day 4

So, when does a person 

know they are finding themselves?

is it when we change our routine?

is it when we change our diet?

is it when we begin to meditate more?

 

i wonder myself, 

because i think im starting the process.

im learning how to go to sleep alone.

without needing to feel a body beside me.

 

to cook dinner and not anticipate

someone else joining me.

...

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Day 3

Ive anticipated writing today.

Day 3 was different.

I ate more fruits,

drank more water.

worked out for the first time

in months.

 

i allowed myself time 

with myself.

it felt nice.

 

unitl of course..

"how is your day going"

i wonder if they really want to know

or

are they making sure i havent 

strayed to far from them.

 

i wonder if i should ...

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Day 2

"idk, but we can try"

what does that mean?

and why do you continue to 

contact me?

W   H   Y   ?

you said you want NO ONE.

then that includes me,

my time,

my love,

my care,

and my company.

If you want to be truly free,

then be free without

any parts of me.

 

so i did not respond,

but i am tempted.

how would that work?

how would we......

how ...

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ConfusionLoveheartbreak

Day 1

Yesterday, was day one.

A day of being alone,

thinking.

Thinking about how my mind 

has yet to understand what happened.

what makes you everything they want,

but not wanted at the same time.

 

what is it? 

 

for someone to bring you in on their journey,

then blame the journey for the reason

 

they   no   longer    need    you   .

 

they need freedom,

...

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Confusionloveheartbreakhealing

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