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I Don't Even Know

I don't know.. my life seems out of my control... It's no longer mine it's in the hands of those around me and the governing forces that keep me in line.. I just don't know.. it feels so weird to be sober.... So... Weird... Its not normal for me to fall asleep in a natural way. It almost feels unnatural.. my addiction has become the ruling figure in my life not my emotions,love or financial stabil...

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addictioninternal strugglereal life

The Girl Who Cried Wolf

I thought I had changed

I thought I was better

I thought I beat it

I thought I fixed it

 

But here I stand

Trying to be tall

Knowing I am so small

The world pressing down

 

I’m scared again

Swore I never would be

And no one likes it

No one wants to hear it

 

So keep it hush

Keep it low

Don’t want to be

The girl who cried wolf

 

But until ...

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expectationsfearsinternal strugglelifepain

Growing Up

I am fifteen years old and I think I own the world.

I have a boyfriend and he loves me.

He yells at me but that is okay, he loves me.

He shoves me but that is okay, he loves me.

He slapps me but that is okay, he loves me.

He holds me down as I yell and scream because it hurts but that is okay, he loves me.

 

I am sixteen years old and I escaped my first abusive relationship.

...

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abusedomestic abusegrowinggrowing olderinternal struggleslam poetry

Stolen Sleep

The Fact of no naps no snaps or snap backs

To wake you up from the fact you were never sleep

Can't sleep for the time you weep but seep

Into the fact that you can't sleep

Wanting to have dreams and past a test with ease

But I can't sleep

There has been a robbery where sleep doesn't reflect on eat

From the fact eat didn't take care of sleep

To where somebody has stolen eat a...

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internal strugglelifenosleepsleep

Caught in the Spider’s Web While Cupid Shoots Arrows in My Head

You’ve gotta help me

Please

I know

I know

I know

There is something wrong with me.

It's an illness!

A disease!

 

But it's not,

It's foolish

And everyone

(excluding sociopaths)

Gets caught

In the messy web

Of the venomous spider

That is called

A crush.

 

God,

I have a crush.

I need help,

But his hair has these lovely curls,

He’s...

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crushinternal strugglelove

I'd like you to like me

I'd like you to like me

and I'd like you to know,

Id doesn't like me and Superego doesn't know where to go.

I've planned a trip to where the tulips grow -

find a vein, push a plunger, let the psychotropes flow.

 

I know you don't like me

and we've nowhere to go.

Ego doesn't know what to do and Id has hate to sow.

I'd like you to, I'd like to oblige you to throw

away m...

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depressionDrugsinternal strugglesurrealism

Chapter 20: The Music is Gone

entry picture

Back on the grand stage again

The place where I feel so comfortable

Well, where I used to feel so comfortable

Something doesn’t feel right

 

I don’t the feel the music anymore

The source of my happiness

It’s like the sun has burnt out

Like the moon has lost its glow

 

I want to sing but my voice keeps breaking

I want to play but my fingers keep shaking

Just stan...

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girlinternal strugglesinging songs

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