Steve Smith

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 12:15

Where did you read? Hope to hear you sometime. You have captured the experience very well!
Steve Smith

Comment is about 'Open-Mic Virgin' (blog)

Original item by Nicky Burrows

steve mellor

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:54

Hi Jeff
Thanks for taking the time etc
It was nice to sort of meet you last week (is a nod a 'meeting'), and I look forward to having the time to chat next time

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Nichola Burrows

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:35

Hi Cynthia, as I have said before I enjoy the criticism of my writing, what you have to say is constructive and I don't take offense at it at all. Sometimes one can get too close to a piece, and miss mistakes and errors, or make mistakes in typing - I am sure that I am computer dyslexic!! haha. Think I mentioned before that I can spot grammatical stakes at a hundred paces in the work of others but when it comes to my own I think they hide and take cover.

Nicky x

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John Darwin

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:25

thanks very much for your input John. I have settled on 'tumescent' its several meanings work for me in that context.

thanks again

John

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nick armbrister

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:18

yea andy i love the eves actually my 1st tattoo was ther ban name back in 1991 still looks good now. and mike the women never let me rest easy lol was only this week that one i wanted only wants to be mates and another i like has someone. of course there are more and i think its crap you can get someone who you want. life aint like that. mine aint anyhow. its like a random lottery lol. oh yes someone will come along prob have me running for cover lol. thansx guys, nick:)

Comment is about my love of warplanes and tragedy of failed romances... (blog)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:01

Are you really serious about this? I can't spend more time now, but do you mean it in general? I hesitate to interfere where I'm not wanted.

Comment is about 'Open-Mic Virgin' (blog)

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John Aikman

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:58

Hi John, John here. (I was in the Estate agents recently and out of the five people in the office, four of them were called John. When I told them I had an appointment with John they all groaned). When I was 10, many years ago, John was the most popular name for boys, I don't think it's even in the top 20 now. Funny how names will end up dating you. In 20 years time 'clairvoyant hoaxsters' will be closing their eyes and touching their temples and saying' is anybody here missing a John?' and a whole bunch of blue-rinsers will start waving their arms about. : )

Anyway, that's not why I called....in fact I've completely forgotten why I did pop in...oh yes, couldn't 'copulant', which we both agree isn't really a word (although it does have minor usage in fertility sciences when discussing the fusion of gametes) become 'corpulent'?

I rather like the idea of a corpulent brillianteened quiff.

JMHO
: )

Jx
PS I was born in the North and now live in the south, we may have crossed on the journey.

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Nichola Burrows

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:51

Second 'typo' cleared up. Thanks Cynthia, feel like I'm back at school, anyone spot anymore?lol x

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BRASS

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:46

Thank you Cynthia.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:44

Well, while we're at it, it would be good to clear up 'whose' and 'who's'. I know you know 'whose book' - belonging. and 'who's coming tonight' - contraction. Everybody does it, but that doesn't make it right, just tolerated.
Jeff's suggestions are good.
What colourful language? Who reprimanded you? And where? The quills are rising up my back.
Someone else did a 'first time' mic night recently. I'm trying to remember. We read so much.

Comment is about 'Open-Mic Virgin' (blog)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:29

I am a great exponent of Truth as probably the best synonym of hundreds for the Idea of God. But I find this poem too indefinite to resonate - more confusing than contemplative. Each verse might stand alone as a formal haiku or tanka. Worth a thought.
Note, because you are good, make this correction: 'it's' means 'it is', a contraction; 'its' is ' belonging to', possession. The two are always mixed up on this site by everybody, but it's jarring. Pop a 't' in 'Still'. Don't forget to edit before posting. There are tons of bad examples before you on this site, but somebody has to set a good example. Be brave.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:17

I have read that the moral fibre of the English working class is a world on to itself, an arguable statement, of course, but still very evident in modern English society.

Your 'samples' are marvellous.

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Steve Regan

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:13

Hi Jeff, hope you are rested after your Busjking for Beer tour. Shame the New Brighton leg couldn't, in the end, take place, but hey, that's rock'n'roll. It was good to see you at the Bards. Come again. Thanks for leaving your comment on my "He wasn't gay, but ..." poem / monologue.

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John Darwin

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 09:57

was an interesting programme, if a bit disturbing.

Two wives are allowed in the army but one's too many for me!

Comment is about Channel 4 Docu 'Woman with 5 husbands' (blog)

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Tommy Carroll

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 09:15

why sad?

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Isobel

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:51

Perhaps they have a 'menage a six' Clarissa (sorry don't have any accent facility) - I guess it could be interesting on one front - tee hee.

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Isobel

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:49

A clever one - I like the play of words on this. Sad though.

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Andy N

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:28

i like the lack off movement in this - close to a painting! good stuff!

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Andy N

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:27

love the reference to all about eve certainly.. grew up as a big fan off them! Nice..

Comment is about my love of warplanes and tragedy of failed romances... (blog)

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Andy N

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:26

i can relate to the first four or so lines here hugely at the moment, gem.. good balance in your words otherwise.. keep it up - good stuff!

Comment is about Keep Talking (blog)

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Andy N

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:25

lot off thought went into this, i think... i like this a lot - i think you work really well towards the build up at the end.. good stuff

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Andy N

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:23

get you put the ? in Jeff. Defo.. needed it.. Nice one

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Andy N

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:22

not sure if i get the last line, woody but i like the build up otherwise..

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Andy N

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:20

interesting stuff, Nicky.. I quite enjoyed it thou I think there are cuts for me to be made here.. Keep it up!

Comment is about Critical Obfuscation of the Poet Critic (blog)

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Augusta Darling

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:01

Hell is the good intentions of others, liken to clawing through marshmallow ...Freda is so right...

Gemma you write well.

Augusta x

Comment is about Keep Talking (blog)

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Augusta Darling

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 07:36

I am so sorry Winston that I made you sad with my Poem,

Relationships with people or anything else that one needs in life to get by are never easy,

However today I am happy that you read my poem and liked it,

What more could a girl ask for?.

Thank you
Augsta x

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John Darwin

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 07:23

Hello John, thanks for taking the time to comment on my poem 'letter to a genius'. It was a bit of an experiment for me. If you look at my other stuff most of it is fairly transparent. It was primarily the sound of the words I was after and hopefully it works on that level. 'Copulant' is not actually a recognised word, unless I have just invented it! Now considering whether I will replace it although I rarely revise anything once its's finished. I haven't had time to look at your stuff properly yet, I only have access at work, hence this early message before the boss gets in!

cheers
John

PS I was born in St Albans although I have been in the north most of my life, my brother still lives there

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Francine

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 04:39

Thank you Cate for taking the time to read and comment
on my poem 'Out of the darkness...'
Yes, sad and reflective... a longing to escape...
to be free...

Moi x

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Francine

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 04:32

Thank you so much Nicky for your lovely comments on my poem
'Out of the darkness...'
Made my day : )

Have been so busy and overwhelmed lately...
Never enough time to get caught up on the blogs here!

Moi x

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Francine

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 04:19

Merci toujours Gus pour tout de ton apprentissage ; )
J'ai fait quelques changements à mon poème 'Out of the darkness...'
j'aimais bien ce que tu as proposé, mais pour moi ça changeait un peu
trop le sens...

Moi x

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Francine

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 04:06

Thank you Josh for taking the time to read and comment on my poem
'Out of the darkness...'
I am glad it works well for you, because I never really know how people
are going to interpret...

Comment is about Joshua Van-Cook (poet profile)

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winston plowes

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 00:28

liked this Gemma... liked the 'ands' too. winston

Comment is about Keep Talking (blog)

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winston plowes

Fri 23rd Oct 2009 00:19

This is the first time I have ever seen Niel Peart in a poem! Bravo. Win :-)

Comment is about WESTY POEM NO. 19 GONG MYOUNG (blog)

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 23:38

No worries Nicky, glad I could help, look forward to revised version. Surprised you've been reprimanded for colourful language, seen and heard far worse lol, hope to see you soon - in detention for the poor spelling! Jeff X

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clarissa mckone

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 23:23

A low flame, and a bit of butter, or a little baccon fat, works best to get that egg movin easy.One false move and shes done for and broken.Good poem!

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clarissa mckone

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 23:17

I dont think we have c4 docu here. Like Isobel, I cant understand the 5 husbands, the DIY is very understandable point.I would have to ask the woman why 5?Did eachone offer different things, to her life?By God now I must know why 5?

Comment is about Channel 4 Docu 'Woman with 5 husbands' (blog)

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Nichola Burrows

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:40

Cheers Jeff, loved the feedback and intend to spice it up, have two versions, one of them may not go down too well with some people, have already been reprimanded for colourful language. Need I say more?

Thanks for the pointer on the 'typo' - missed that one- ha! you wouldn't believe that I can teach English, get flailed for mis-homophoning!x

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Nichola Burrows

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:19

Not a chance jeff, great feedback, got reprimanded for 'colourful' language, but intend to spice it up on the night!

Thanks for the pointer on the 'typo' - now corrected. We are all fallible you know, but I suppose that 'mis-homophoning' is a literary crime :-) lol x

Comment is about 'Open-Mic Virgin' (blog)

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Isobel

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:13

Have never watched it so haven't got a clue what you are on about. Can only say that she must be seriously deranged - surely one husband is bad enough - can't imagine what it would be like with five....you might stand more chance of getting your DIY jobs done though, I guess...

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Dave Bradley

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:11

Hi Nicky, this is fun and a good poem which should perform very well - hope I'm there to hear it. The structure really helps along the feeling of frantic nervousness. A poem to bite your nails to.

Comment is about 'Open-Mic Virgin' (blog)

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:05

Hi Nicky, bit of feedback as requested! I like a good rant when I'm not being serious so like this, however I think you need to emphasise the drama by strenthening the wording and making it a bit more colourful (imagine yourself almost shouting as you perform - poetry that is lol)- examples-

Wipe the sweat off my brow
what the hell do i do now!
I need another bloody drink!
Oh my god what the hell will they think!

They're gonna call my name,
who's bloody idea was it I came?
Should I go and hide in the loo!
Oh no...it's me!...that's my cue!

and so on, you probably need to add a few words here and there to get the rhythm right and will feel much better for you when you perform it - eg -

Thirty pair of eyes, staring at me!
Patient, but they're waiting expectantly!

Hope that helps Nicky, (small typo - standing there not their), but good stuff look forward to seeing you do it! Feel free to delete this comment if you update it, bye for now Jeff X

Comment is about 'Open-Mic Virgin' (blog)

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Nichola Burrows

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:04

Sign of a good actress Isobel? lol x

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Isobel

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:00

You didn't look or sound anything like a virgin Nicky - in fact a very confident, polished performance - but I bet that's what they all say.

Comment is about 'Open-Mic Virgin' (blog)

Original item by Nicky Burrows

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Isobel

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:55

Hello there. Just wanted to thank you for your whole hearted support of WOLOP - I keep coming across little comments you have left and it all helps. I sometimes wonder if it might be more successful spear headed by someone less controversial.... Perhaps you could take it over one day if it doesn't keel over and die this month - not that I'm trying to divest at all - there isn't much admin to it - I would just like it to be successful. Food for thought anyway.
Isobel x

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Isobel

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:51

Thanks for your comments on 'that' poem. It is one that I will never perform - but it served its purpose at the time. Thanks for organising the Busking for Beer - I really enjoyed all the venues I was able to get along to. I guess you will be relieved to relax now and start writing more. I'll look forward to reading it. See yous around. xx

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Nichola Burrows

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:46

Thanks Val, really enjoyed the night. Lovely, genuine welcome from everyone there. Thank you.

I look forward to the next. Nicky x

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Val Cook

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:46

Thanks Jeff for commenting on my poem `Why`
Enjoying your recent change in style. Good work

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

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Andy Williamson

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:44

Hi Gemma, I really felt the isolation you created in the picture you painted here. The way in which it almost keeps you trapped in a cycle of despair and lostness.
Lovely work.
Andy x

Comment is about Keep Talking (blog)

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Isobel

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:43

Thanks for allowing me to perform this at the Tudor Dave. I hadn't appreciated just how well crafted and powerful it was until I decided to read it - a great man and a great poem. x

Comment is about Churchill (blog)

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:41

Hi Che, great to meet you at the Howcroft, glad you enjoyed it. This has a great meaning and you performed it well, see you again Jeff X

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