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Fri 23rd Oct 2009 12:15
Where did you read? Hope to hear you sometime. You have captured the experience very well!
Comment is about 'Open-Mic Virgin' (blog)
Original item by Nicky Burrows
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:54
Thanks for taking the time etc
It was nice to sort of meet you last week (is a nod a 'meeting'), and I look forward to having the time to chat next time
Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)
Original item by Jeffarama!
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:35
Hi Cynthia, as I have said before I enjoy the criticism of my writing, what you have to say is constructive and I don't take offense at it at all. Sometimes one can get too close to a piece, and miss mistakes and errors, or make mistakes in typing - I am sure that I am computer dyslexic!! haha. Think I mentioned before that I can spot grammatical stakes at a hundred paces in the work of others but when it comes to my own I think they hide and take cover.
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:25
thanks very much for your input John. I have settled on 'tumescent' its several meanings work for me in that context.
Comment is about John Aikman (poet profile)
Original item by John Aikman
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:18
yea andy i love the eves actually my 1st tattoo was ther ban name back in 1991 still looks good now. and mike the women never let me rest easy lol was only this week that one i wanted only wants to be mates and another i like has someone. of course there are more and i think its crap you can get someone who you want. life aint like that. mine aint anyhow. its like a random lottery lol. oh yes someone will come along prob have me running for cover lol. thansx guys, nick:)
Comment is about my love of warplanes and tragedy of failed romances... (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 11:01
Are you really serious about this? I can't spend more time now, but do you mean it in general? I hesitate to interfere where I'm not wanted.
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:58
Hi John, John here. (I was in the Estate agents recently and out of the five people in the office, four of them were called John. When I told them I had an appointment with John they all groaned). When I was 10, many years ago, John was the most popular name for boys, I don't think it's even in the top 20 now. Funny how names will end up dating you. In 20 years time 'clairvoyant hoaxsters' will be closing their eyes and touching their temples and saying' is anybody here missing a John?' and a whole bunch of blue-rinsers will start waving their arms about. : )
Anyway, that's not why I called....in fact I've completely forgotten why I did pop in...oh yes, couldn't 'copulant', which we both agree isn't really a word (although it does have minor usage in fertility sciences when discussing the fusion of gametes) become 'corpulent'?
I rather like the idea of a corpulent brillianteened quiff.
PS I was born in the North and now live in the south, we may have crossed on the journey.
Comment is about John Darwin (poet profile)
Original item by John Darwin
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:51
Second 'typo' cleared up. Thanks Cynthia, feel like I'm back at school, anyone spot anymore?lol x
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:46
Thank you Cynthia.
Comment is about Truth In A World Without Tears (blog)
Original item by BRASS
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:44
Well, while we're at it, it would be good to clear up 'whose' and 'who's'. I know you know 'whose book' - belonging. and 'who's coming tonight' - contraction. Everybody does it, but that doesn't make it right, just tolerated.
Jeff's suggestions are good.
What colourful language? Who reprimanded you? And where? The quills are rising up my back.
Someone else did a 'first time' mic night recently. I'm trying to remember. We read so much.
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:29
I am a great exponent of Truth as probably the best synonym of hundreds for the Idea of God. But I find this poem too indefinite to resonate - more confusing than contemplative. Each verse might stand alone as a formal haiku or tanka. Worth a thought.
Note, because you are good, make this correction: 'it's' means 'it is', a contraction; 'its' is ' belonging to', possession. The two are always mixed up on this site by everybody, but it's jarring. Pop a 't' in 'Still'. Don't forget to edit before posting. There are tons of bad examples before you on this site, but somebody has to set a good example. Be brave.
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:17
I have read that the moral fibre of the English working class is a world on to itself, an arguable statement, of course, but still very evident in modern English society.
Your 'samples' are marvellous.
Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 10:13
Hi Jeff, hope you are rested after your Busjking for Beer tour. Shame the New Brighton leg couldn't, in the end, take place, but hey, that's rock'n'roll. It was good to see you at the Bards. Come again. Thanks for leaving your comment on my "He wasn't gay, but ..." poem / monologue.
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 09:57
was an interesting programme, if a bit disturbing.
Two wives are allowed in the army but one's too many for me!
Comment is about Channel 4 Docu 'Woman with 5 husbands' (blog)
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 09:15
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:51
Perhaps they have a 'menage a six' Clarissa (sorry don't have any accent facility) - I guess it could be interesting on one front - tee hee.
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:49
A clever one - I like the play of words on this. Sad though.
Comment is about Assignation (blog)
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:28
i like the lack off movement in this - close to a painting! good stuff!
Comment is about Empty Windows (blog)
Original item by Alan McKean
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:27
love the reference to all about eve certainly.. grew up as a big fan off them! Nice..
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:26
i can relate to the first four or so lines here hugely at the moment, gem.. good balance in your words otherwise.. keep it up - good stuff!
Comment is about Keep Talking (blog)
Original item by Gemma Lees
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:25
lot off thought went into this, i think... i like this a lot - i think you work really well towards the build up at the end.. good stuff
Comment is about Aneurysm (blog)
Original item by Jessie
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:23
get you put the ? in Jeff. Defo.. needed it.. Nice one
Comment is about What is love?.... (blog)
Original item by JEFF.W
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:22
not sure if i get the last line, woody but i like the build up otherwise..
Comment is about Winter (blog)
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:20
interesting stuff, Nicky.. I quite enjoyed it thou I think there are cuts for me to be made here.. Keep it up!
Comment is about Critical Obfuscation of the Poet Critic (blog)
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 08:01
Hell is the good intentions of others, liken to clawing through marshmallow ...Freda is so right...
Gemma you write well.
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 07:36
I am so sorry Winston that I made you sad with my Poem,
Relationships with people or anything else that one needs in life to get by are never easy,
However today I am happy that you read my poem and liked it,
What more could a girl ask for?.
Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)
Original item by Winston Plowes
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 07:23
Hello John, thanks for taking the time to comment on my poem 'letter to a genius'. It was a bit of an experiment for me. If you look at my other stuff most of it is fairly transparent. It was primarily the sound of the words I was after and hopefully it works on that level. 'Copulant' is not actually a recognised word, unless I have just invented it! Now considering whether I will replace it although I rarely revise anything once its's finished. I haven't had time to look at your stuff properly yet, I only have access at work, hence this early message before the boss gets in!
PS I was born in St Albans although I have been in the north most of my life, my brother still lives there
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 04:39
Thank you Cate for taking the time to read and comment
on my poem 'Out of the darkness...'
Yes, sad and reflective... a longing to escape...
to be free...
Comment is about Cate (poet profile)
Original item by Cate
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 04:32
Thank you so much Nicky for your lovely comments on my poem
'Out of the darkness...'
Made my day : )
Have been so busy and overwhelmed lately...
Never enough time to get caught up on the blogs here!
Comment is about Nicky Burrows (poet profile)
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 04:19
Merci toujours Gus pour tout de ton apprentissage ; )
J'ai fait quelques changements à mon poème 'Out of the darkness...'
j'aimais bien ce que tu as proposé, mais pour moi ça changeait un peu
trop le sens...
Comment is about Gus Jonsson (poet profile)
Original item by Gus Jonsson
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 04:06
Thank you Josh for taking the time to read and comment on my poem
'Out of the darkness...'
I am glad it works well for you, because I never really know how people
are going to interpret...
Comment is about Joshua Van-Cook (poet profile)
Original item by Joshua Van-Cook
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 00:28
liked this Gemma... liked the 'ands' too. winston
Fri 23rd Oct 2009 00:19
This is the first time I have ever seen Niel Peart in a poem! Bravo. Win :-)
Comment is about WESTY POEM NO. 19 GONG MYOUNG (blog)
Original item by Rodney Wood
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 23:38
No worries Nicky, glad I could help, look forward to revised version. Surprised you've been reprimanded for colourful language, seen and heard far worse lol, hope to see you soon - in detention for the poor spelling! Jeff X
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 23:23
A low flame, and a bit of butter, or a little baccon fat, works best to get that egg movin easy.One false move and shes done for and broken.Good poem!
Comment is about stubbornly stuck to Teflon (blog)
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 23:17
I dont think we have c4 docu here. Like Isobel, I cant understand the 5 husbands, the DIY is very understandable point.I would have to ask the woman why 5?Did eachone offer different things, to her life?By God now I must know why 5?
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:40
Cheers Jeff, loved the feedback and intend to spice it up, have two versions, one of them may not go down too well with some people, have already been reprimanded for colourful language. Need I say more?
Thanks for the pointer on the 'typo' - missed that one- ha! you wouldn't believe that I can teach English, get flailed for mis-homophoning!x
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:19
Not a chance jeff, great feedback, got reprimanded for 'colourful' language, but intend to spice it up on the night!
Thanks for the pointer on the 'typo' - now corrected. We are all fallible you know, but I suppose that 'mis-homophoning' is a literary crime :-) lol x
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:13
Have never watched it so haven't got a clue what you are on about. Can only say that she must be seriously deranged - surely one husband is bad enough - can't imagine what it would be like with five....you might stand more chance of getting your DIY jobs done though, I guess...
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:11
Hi Nicky, this is fun and a good poem which should perform very well - hope I'm there to hear it. The structure really helps along the feeling of frantic nervousness. A poem to bite your nails to.
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:05
Hi Nicky, bit of feedback as requested! I like a good rant when I'm not being serious so like this, however I think you need to emphasise the drama by strenthening the wording and making it a bit more colourful (imagine yourself almost shouting as you perform - poetry that is lol)- examples-
Wipe the sweat off my brow
what the hell do i do now!
I need another bloody drink!
Oh my god what the hell will they think!
They're gonna call my name,
who's bloody idea was it I came?
Should I go and hide in the loo!
Oh no...it's me!...that's my cue!
and so on, you probably need to add a few words here and there to get the rhythm right and will feel much better for you when you perform it - eg -
Thirty pair of eyes, staring at me!
Patient, but they're waiting expectantly!
Hope that helps Nicky, (small typo - standing there not their), but good stuff look forward to seeing you do it! Feel free to delete this comment if you update it, bye for now Jeff X
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:04
Sign of a good actress Isobel? lol x
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 22:00
You didn't look or sound anything like a virgin Nicky - in fact a very confident, polished performance - but I bet that's what they all say.
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:55
Hello there. Just wanted to thank you for your whole hearted support of WOLOP - I keep coming across little comments you have left and it all helps. I sometimes wonder if it might be more successful spear headed by someone less controversial.... Perhaps you could take it over one day if it doesn't keel over and die this month - not that I'm trying to divest at all - there isn't much admin to it - I would just like it to be successful. Food for thought anyway.
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:51
Thanks for your comments on 'that' poem. It is one that I will never perform - but it served its purpose at the time. Thanks for organising the Busking for Beer - I really enjoyed all the venues I was able to get along to. I guess you will be relieved to relax now and start writing more. I'll look forward to reading it. See yous around. xx
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:46
Thanks Val, really enjoyed the night. Lovely, genuine welcome from everyone there. Thank you.
I look forward to the next. Nicky x
Comment is about Valerie Cook (poet profile)
Original item by Valerie Cook
Thanks Jeff for commenting on my poem `Why`
Enjoying your recent change in style. Good work
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:44
Hi Gemma, I really felt the isolation you created in the picture you painted here. The way in which it almost keeps you trapped in a cycle of despair and lostness.
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:43
Thanks for allowing me to perform this at the Tudor Dave. I hadn't appreciated just how well crafted and powerful it was until I decided to read it - a great man and a great poem. x
Comment is about Churchill (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:41
Hi Che, great to meet you at the Howcroft, glad you enjoyed it. This has a great meaning and you performed it well, see you again Jeff X
Comment is about She spins for me (blog)
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