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Jon

Tue 28th Jul 2009 21:27

Magical and dream-like,and I know what you mean about wanting to hold on to 'special' moments in life,then they're gone!

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Jon

Tue 28th Jul 2009 21:25

Good to hear your romantic meanderings;different to some of your other stuff,yet can still recognise your voice in this!

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Tommy Carroll

Tue 28th Jul 2009 21:15

schema schemata!

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Captain of the Rant

Tue 28th Jul 2009 19:52

Thanks for your comments Anthony! I think we can but try get past these social conditions - every time we do we become a little bit more free.

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Bill Kelly

Tue 28th Jul 2009 19:51

Oi !

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Bill Kelly

Tue 28th Jul 2009 19:44

I like 'whispers and caresses on the breeze'.
such a lot in a few words.

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Tommy Carroll

Tue 28th Jul 2009 19:29

Nailed It BK!...also to confuse things a little bringing in the end of love as construct or words and words as schema...I really must try harder to make my efforts more obscure.

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Chris Dawson

Tue 28th Jul 2009 19:27

Excellent poem, Dermot - though for the first time ever - I think I've been over-faced by my 5-a-day.
In the end, you know, friends last longer, and are often a great deal truer, than lovers - and definitely last longer than aubergines.
Cx

Comment is about This is a sestina comma discuss (blog)

Original item by Dermot Glennon

Bill Kelly

Tue 28th Jul 2009 19:25

Aye Aye Cap'n.
Stop beating yourself up for being a man.
Men and women both have the capacity for good and evil...we can choose good !

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Bill Kelly

Tue 28th Jul 2009 19:08

Nice one Anthony, something in there for all types ...hell is other people?

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Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Bill Kelly

Tue 28th Jul 2009 19:02

This is intriguing Tommy. I'm not sure what you're trying to say...is it all in the last line,
'...steal away from easy rhyme...'
about not being predictable, about being adventurous in your writing?

Comment is about Please Do Not Put Me In a Rhyme (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Bill Kelly

Tue 28th Jul 2009 18:51

Well said Daniel,
'...no matter how small or how old you are you don't have to suffer in silence...'

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Original item by Daniel Hooks

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DG

Tue 28th Jul 2009 18:11

Thanks Anthony, and I'm glad you got the reference.

Comment is about This is a sestina comma discuss (blog)

Original item by Dermot Glennon

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Francine

Tue 28th Jul 2009 18:06

Oh là là... encore des chaussures rouges ; )

I can relate so well to this Peter...
Tu sais le dire...
xxxxx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 28th Jul 2009 17:46

Never!

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Original item by Isobel

Pete Crompton

Tue 28th Jul 2009 17:32

sorry that's- 'imagery'

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Original item by christine yates

Pete Crompton

Tue 28th Jul 2009 17:31

"Across from me

Models all three"

I love this poem
I'm loving the imagary of course, some super couplets, the simplicity is Morrissey in parts

great.
and I great to see it Live at Tudor!

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chris yates

Tue 28th Jul 2009 16:32

very funny with a hot mug mark

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chris yates

Tue 28th Jul 2009 16:24

loved the carbon footprint hilarious lol

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Dave Bradley

Tue 28th Jul 2009 15:10

Thank you all. Re-reading it, yes it does seem negative and even dismissive towards the blessed contented, and that wasn't the intention. People are contented for all sorts of reasons, so the intention was to raise more questions than answers. I'd like to revise it now to make that clearer but have a lot of trouble re-visiting poems once launched - a weakness, I know

Comment is about Looking for more (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Cate Greenlees

Tue 28th Jul 2009 14:44

Very thought provoking one this Chris.
Cate xx

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Cate Greenlees

Tue 28th Jul 2009 14:41

Oh this is a good poem Cynthia.Full of compassion.My mind jumps back to the image of little Jamie Bulger being led off through that shopping mall by those two children all those years ago. Are we teaching our children any better today what humanity is all about?
Cate xx

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Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Cate Greenlees

Tue 28th Jul 2009 14:32

Agreed.....but its hard to see humour in a situation when you are the one involved and just want to rip the bastards heart out!!!!!
Cate xx

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Original item by Andy N

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Cate Greenlees

Tue 28th Jul 2009 14:28

Hi Dave, a clever, witty poem. I can see where Cynthia is coming from with her comment though. Does contentment necessarily mean these things? Maybe it depends where we are in our life. Sometimes we are go getters full of enthusiasm for a project, and sometimes we just need to rest and be content with what we`ve got. Very few of us reach the nirvana stage! I really enjoyed this poem though, and think it`s very well written.
Cate xx

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John Darwin

Tue 28th Jul 2009 14:22

Isobel, I like this very much although the shoes scare me just a little bit.

John

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Isobel

Tue 28th Jul 2009 14:15

I like the humour at the end too Andy - life can throw a lot of shit at everyone but we must never lose that.
Isobel x

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Isobel

Tue 28th Jul 2009 14:11

I guess I could work my way through to 'what she wears beneath..' but I might disappoint you all. LOL! No - I'm think I'm done with that one - it was just a brief moment in time where my confidence was shaken - so easily done - I've rallied now - for the next 10 years at least...
Isobel x

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Isobel

Tue 28th Jul 2009 12:08

Cynthia and Janet - you both say 'were' - do you mean to say you don't still have them? And just when should a women give them up - that is the question..

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Original item by Isobel

Janet

Tue 28th Jul 2009 12:08

ps. sorry, i'm in a rush but wanted to comment on your poem.
I did keep getting back up though, even though my cheeks were a bit red with embarrassment. Those shoes didn't get the better of me :-)

Janet.x

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Isobel

Tue 28th Jul 2009 12:07

I didn't give too much thought to structure when I wrote this. I am grateful to Winston for taking the time to look at it. I like the more formal structure of his version but don't like the way ideas are chopped up. I think once poems are written it becomes hard to change the structure - you almost need to build your ideas round the structure whilst you are writing and not the other way round. You may disagree so I'll give you the benefit of both..
Thanks to all for reading - it is in the third person but as you all probably have guessed - a very personal poem.

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Original item by Isobel

Janet

Tue 28th Jul 2009 12:04

Hi Isobel,
i can guess where the inspiration for this came from. Mine were 5 inch platforms with a few bits of string on top to grip my feet. :-)
I lost count of the number of times i slipped off and toppled over.

Janet.x
Janet.x

Comment is about Red Shoes (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Janet

Tue 28th Jul 2009 11:59

and there but for the grace of god go I...

some very sad and true words spoken here Dave. Unfortunately some of us give so much, we wear ourselves out and others seem quite happy to sit back, do and say as they please, expecting us to just take it, then have the nerve to call themselves a friend.
Equality and balance = friendship. (materially or otherwise) :-)


Thought provoking piece of prose.
Janet.x

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Original item by Dave Morgan

Janet

Tue 28th Jul 2009 11:37

Nice one Andy.
I absolutely love the use of Charles Bukowski in this poem. It speaks volumes, and in keeping with Cynthia's comment, there's a wry kind of humour in the ending. I like that.

Janet.x

Comment is about REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD .. (blog)

Original item by Andy N

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Gus Jonsson

Tue 28th Jul 2009 11:26

Like this a lot Pete...very clever ..full of nostalgic pathos

she stopped functioning, i left home
we grew up and they discarded her
she was never mine anyway
and that hurts

Well Done
CU soon
Gus

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 28th Jul 2009 11:14

Hi Dermot,

Classical poetic form meets "The Fast Show."
Higson and Whitehouse would be proud of you! Nice one.
Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about This is a sestina comma discuss (blog)

Original item by Dermot Glennon

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 28th Jul 2009 10:03

Isobel, mine were black suede with red satin linings - highly visible when I tipped my heels off and dangled the shoe from my toes... same idea. Good poem. Great capturing.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 28th Jul 2009 09:56

I enjoyed this outpouring of wit in good scansion, Dave. But I found the end, the self-appointed antithesis, very unkind, perhaps even arrogant. I actually felt a bit bad.

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Original item by Dave Bradley

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 28th Jul 2009 09:48

Tommy, it's terrific. You have the power of 'multum in parvo'. (I looked that up for the purpose ... much in little ...)

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Original item by Tommy Carroll

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 28th Jul 2009 09:41

Good one, Andy. Very true, and therefore quite funny. I do think there is really more humour in life that any other true emotion.
I did get a teeny bit lost in your pronouns - the mix of singulars and plurals. You might clarify what you meant to keep the thought strong.

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Original item by Andy N

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Gus Jonsson

Tue 28th Jul 2009 09:36

Right on Chris!!!....

LouD AnD CLeaR

Comment is about JaXOnoRY gorY storiEZ (blog)

Original item by Chris Jam

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Isobel

Tue 28th Jul 2009 08:47

Thanks for your comment Andy - I would say definitely a page poem - my performance stuff is a lot punchier. Am agonising at the moment about whether to chop it all up and put better structure to it - but am glad you liked it.
Isobel x

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Andy N

Tue 28th Jul 2009 08:29

Nice stuff, Isobel.. Have you tried reading this out yet? Would be interested in knowing how well it went down as I can't make up my mind whether it is performance based or more of a page piece! x

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Original item by Isobel

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Andy N

Tue 28th Jul 2009 08:27

i don't get the last line, i must admit but i enjoyed most off this!

Comment is about Please Do Not Put Me In a Rhyme (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

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Isobel

Tue 28th Jul 2009 08:04

You have no email address Anthony - wanted to ask your opinion on something - any chance of emailing me - I promise not to stalk you in my red shoes!

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 28th Jul 2009 01:04

Hi Dave,

May I be the first to offer myself up for adoption?

Something-something male poet (debatable), partly house-trained (non-neutered), needs regular attention, will perform tricks for food. Needs an all-female environment and complete restoration. A.O.C

Neat idea, but I'm not holding my breath!Regards,
A.E.

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Original item by Dave Morgan

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 28th Jul 2009 00:53

Hi Chris,
A timely reminder that the way the media and public appetites work these days makes every day "a good day to bury bad news."
Nice one.
Regards,
A.E.

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Original item by Chris Jam

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clarissa mckone

Tue 28th Jul 2009 00:37

Hi Dave,
I find your ..gulp...poem to be funny and in some ways a very sad statement on humans.Let me go look around the house, Im sure I have some pain pills to donate, as I hate them. I guess I could adopt a poet for a time, pats on the back and some words of hope, I shall give for free.

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Original item by Dave Morgan

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 28th Jul 2009 00:28

Hi Isobel,
Red shoes - now there's an iconic image. Red is perhaps the most emotive of colours, the colour of blood and passion and power. I even used to wear red "Kickers" myself once. (And you might recall that I have a "thing" about scarlet stilettos.) Then there's "The Red Shoes" film (1948), and Dorothy's magical "ruby slippers" from The Wizard of Oz. I notice you are writing this in the third person - interesting. Was it a "dictaphone in the shower" moment? ;-) I think it's great that you can put someone in a situation, give the world a glimpse of their circumstances, character and ambitions, and tell a short story - all within a few lines; also leaving enough space for the reader to fill in with their own imagination. This is what writing is all about. Good stuff.
Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Red Shoes (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 28th Jul 2009 00:22

Hi Cynthia,
Interesting mix of concern, fear, deduction, compassion, detachment and the illogical and random thoughts of the small hours. And all in five minutes? Impressive!
Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about A Five-minute Poem (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Anthony Emmerson

Mon 27th Jul 2009 23:55

Hi dave,
I like list poems when done well and with a purpose. This was both.
Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Looking for more (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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