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Graham Sherwood

Wed 29th Sep 2010 10:12

This is exactly the sort of poem that both beguiles and irritates me. There is so much to change(just look at the comments) and so much to leave alone, so as not to lose the writer's sentiments.
I don't like the sun settling. Why aren't you sipping, swigging, guzzling etc the champagne? I don't like the swap between we and you? as you appear to have stopped narrating and started talking directly.
After all this the idea is lovely but I think the tension should either be about the environment that you are both sharing or the renewal of your relationship.
Sorry for the epistle Ann, but to my thinking your work is making a transition these days and I am reading it more and more.

Comment is about two women on the edge (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 29th Sep 2010 10:11

Greatstuff!!

Comment is about Biting the Bullet (blog)

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 29th Sep 2010 10:11

It's nice to get even in a poem isn't it Anna! I wrote a poem ages ago called The Carpet Fitters Broke My Pot" - self-explanatory! Having only seen a couple of your poems I can't say if they all sound the same. Certainly you are writing about quirky individual subjects, that's great. And good luck at uni!

Comment is about To the man who splashed me with a puddle this morning (blog)

Original item by Anna McCrory

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Graham Sherwood

Wed 29th Sep 2010 09:59

Love it!

Comment is about Biting the Bullet (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Isobel

Wed 29th Sep 2010 08:46

wrote a comment but the system lost it - bloody long one too - will have to return later

Comment is about Biting The Bullet (blog)

Original item by Tom

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Banksy

Wed 29th Sep 2010 08:10

Hi - thanks for the comments Lynn. all the best. B

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

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Isobel

Wed 29th Sep 2010 07:14

Love this one too. Great that you've made a poem of it. The lens can't really capture vivacity, personality or laughter very well though can it? It just captures the double chin that you get when you laugh - or the nose at the wrong angle not at every angle. I appreciate that there is furhther depth to your poem than I am suggesting. Staged photos capture staged emotions - 'Fraudulent smiles' - sometimes we wear them for more than photographs. x

Comment is about Portrait (blog)

Original item by James Lancaster

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Isobel

Wed 29th Sep 2010 07:06

Great descriptions here Graham. It kind of reminds me of how I used to feel at sports days waiting for the starters gun, knowing I would have the shame of limping in last - or not in the first 3 at any rate.
Love the idea of tropical fingers - you really get the idea of bunches of clammy bananas - and as for the clammy arse...

Comment is about Bitten (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

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Paddy Redders

Tue 28th Sep 2010 23:50

Too true. Well written

Comment is about Us and Them (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

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Dave Bradley

Tue 28th Sep 2010 23:49

Hi Winston

Glad you've joined in with 'Bullet' - in such an interesting way too! Thanks for the suggestion. Whoever does it next may well take it up, but I'm actually quite optimistic about people voting - we'll see come Friday and the weekend.

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Dave D Poet Rhumour

Tue 28th Sep 2010 23:27

Hi Lynn - thanks for your appreciation of 'Riff Raff', glad you like it. :) Best wishes, Dave

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 28th Sep 2010 23:26

Good evening Larisa-very clever poem-your best one yet! lots of love-Stef-xx

Comment is about I Am an Actress (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 28th Sep 2010 23:23

so! it was you! oh you loose woman!Stef-xx

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Lynn Dye

Tue 28th Sep 2010 23:21

Of course she must remember you, Stef!!! Enjoyed this, my handbag is even worse than most! lol xxx

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 28th Sep 2010 23:16

Up the workers!-whats left of them! nice poem Lynn-sleep well-see you soon-Stef-xx

Comment is about Us and Them (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

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Lynn Dye

Tue 28th Sep 2010 23:08

This is lovely, Ann. I think either option works. On reflection, maybe your newer idea. xx

Comment is about two women on the edge (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Lynn Dye

Tue 28th Sep 2010 22:56

Oh, the joys of Lego land! I enjoyed this, Ann, brought back a few memories of my own. xx

Comment is about plastic garden (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Lynn Dye

Tue 28th Sep 2010 22:45

Really enjoyed reading this, Cynthia, love your descriptions.x

Comment is about Martini On The Rocks (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Lynn Dye

Tue 28th Sep 2010 22:32

I enjoyed reading this, Banksy, I didn't connect it with death either, but on re-reading, it makes sense.

Comment is about it might be like this (blog)

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winston plowes

Tue 28th Sep 2010 22:23

hi Dave. Sometimes in this sort of comp you can only win if you vote. (and obviously not for yourself)Controvertial perhaps but it does ensure participation. Could be in the rules of future comps but not here as it would need to be anounced at the start I think, Thanks for organising this it has added another dimension to the site Dave. Win x

Comment is about Biting the Bullet. Prize follow-up to Pandora (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 28th Sep 2010 22:16

Thanks both. Not sure about the last line. Might change it to

"Behind us in the dark a planet sparkles."

Hmmm......

Comment is about two women on the edge (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Lynn Dye

Tue 28th Sep 2010 22:15

I think this is really good, Dave. It's sad but unfortunately true.

Comment is about Riff Raff (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

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winston plowes

Tue 28th Sep 2010 22:12

Hi Dave. Managed to squeeze one in :-) Win

Comment is about Biting the Bullet Final Reminder (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Lynn Dye

Tue 28th Sep 2010 22:06

I can definitely associate with your poem, David - I've had a few nights like that on and off! Good poem.

Comment is about Do Another Day (blog)

Original item by David Mac

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winston plowes

Tue 28th Sep 2010 21:49

Hi Lynn. thanks for the comments on the bullet thing. Just looked your contribution up. A great passionate tale. Win

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Lynn Dye

Tue 28th Sep 2010 21:43

I love the tenderness in this too, Isobel, beautiful poem xx

Comment is about Praying (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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winston plowes

Tue 28th Sep 2010 20:44

Hi Dave thanks for the bullet comments. In fact I started another some weeks ago which had some very strong similarities to your first stanza! Win x

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Michael Scott

Tue 28th Sep 2010 20:30

Thanks, great site you've got here.

Comment is about Michael Scott (poet profile)

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Banksy

Tue 28th Sep 2010 19:56

Hi Crackling - thanks for the comment - and the one on my profile
all the best. B

Comment is about home thoughts from abroad (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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andy n

Tue 28th Sep 2010 19:54

very sad, isobel.. hope it isn't based on fact my dear but i love it... wonderful stuff xx

Comment is about Praying (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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andy n

Tue 28th Sep 2010 19:52

really enjoyed this, phil.. particularly strong ending for me...

get submitting this!!!

Comment is about Life is.... (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

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andy n

Tue 28th Sep 2010 19:50

welcome onboard michael.. nice start..

Comment is about Michael Scott (poet profile)

Original item by Michael Scott

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andy n

Tue 28th Sep 2010 19:49

very touching, ann indeed - up to you whether you want to do it, but i am wondering whether stanza 5 and 6 are needed as i like stanza 4 when it finishes 'but we are here,

above it.'

and then moves to the concluding line...

either way, enjoyed it.. x

Comment is about two women on the edge (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Elaine Booth

Tue 28th Sep 2010 19:43

I found this very touching. A simple moment but full of life and feeling.

Comment is about two women on the edge (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 28th Sep 2010 19:07

For a dear friend

Comment is about two women on the edge (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 28th Sep 2010 18:21

Wow - I like your stuff! Welcome to WOL. Swindon eh?

Comment is about Michael Scott (poet profile)

Original item by Michael Scott

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Winston (Admin)

Tue 28th Sep 2010 18:10

Hi Michael, Welcome to WOL. Winston

Comment is about Michael Scott (poet profile)

Original item by Michael Scott

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Winston (Admin)

Tue 28th Sep 2010 17:59

Hi There and welcome to Write Out Loud, Winston

Comment is about Standfast Goddard (poet profile)

Original item by Standfast Goddard

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Winston (Admin)

Tue 28th Sep 2010 17:50

Hi Anna, Welcome aboard. Hope you like the site. Winston

Comment is about Anna McCrory (poet profile)

Original item by Anna McCrory

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Francine

Tue 28th Sep 2010 17:21

C'est tendre et doux, Isobel.

xxx

Comment is about Praying (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 28th Sep 2010 16:41

I think it is a lovely poem Isobel. Hope you sleep better tonight - but if you don't can we expect another one tomorrow? xx

Comment is about Praying (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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James Lancaster

Tue 28th Sep 2010 16:38

This is excellent Isobel. Very moving. I didn't read it as a nod to religious faith, more the contrast between innocent - some might say 'blind' - faith we all, at one time, invested in the world and the jaded, fearful creatures we become. But it can be read in different ways, which is why I like it.

Comment is about Praying (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Isobel

Tue 28th Sep 2010 16:03

I'm so glad you all liked it. Thank you so much for your generous comments. I love to write poetry that makes people think or touches them in a a non sentimental way - that is the kind of poetry that often appeals to me.

The poem was inspired by Cynthia's poem Usufruct combined with the experience of putting my daughter to bed. She rarely does formal prayers at home but just happened to do them as all this was mulling over in my mind.
Thanks for taking the effort to re-work it Ann. Yours may have better flow but it changes the feel of it for me. I appreciate your interest and comment though.

Graham I am undecided about your suggestions - one minute I think it is better the next I want to stick with what I have. Not enough sleep to make proper decisions maybe - that'll teach me to write poetry in the early hours!

Thanks again all. x

Comment is about Praying (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Graham Sherwood

Tue 28th Sep 2010 15:41

I think in the second line it should say "to stay the hand" etc and "and palm to palm" etc, the pressed is too much aliteration. Overall the work is a tender piece, an almost secretive glimpse.

Comment is about Praying (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Crackling

Tue 28th Sep 2010 14:29

I like the way you write. To the point. Keep it going.

Comment is about Banksy (poet profile)

Original item by Banksy

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Crackling

Tue 28th Sep 2010 14:24

Bastard !

Comment is about home thoughts from abroad (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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Ray Miller

Tue 28th Sep 2010 11:39

Thanks, Ann, steve. A play on my name! What, ray miller,putting a ray through a mill. If you like light bread? Who is steve black? Why is his name black?
Okay, what kind of person does have an illegible scribble, uses Latin labels, explains you with notebook and pencil? It's not Fabio Capello.

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Ray Miller

Tue 28th Sep 2010 11:27

Very fine poem, Cynthia. Loved the 2nd verse, heart-heard is great, and purpling water.The mighty multiple martini is a sublime touch. My only complaint is Fibonacci splendour. If I never hear Fibonacci again it'll be too soon.

Comment is about Martini On The Rocks (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Cate Greenlees

Tue 28th Sep 2010 11:24

Nothing worse than the swines who make the bullets for other folk to fire.
It took me a long time in life to realise I was firing other peoples bullets, and learn to play them at their own game. Nice one Isobel.
Cate xx

Comment is about Bullet (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Cate Greenlees

Tue 28th Sep 2010 11:17

Love this one Cynthia. Your language is richly descriptive, and the idea of being so engrossed in your novel, entwined with enjoying your evening martini is innovative and clever, {as is your choice of title!}
I really enjoyed reading this.
Cate xx

Comment is about Martini On The Rocks (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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