Thinks she's a failure
As a Wife and a Mother
A failure of all
Wednesday 30th December 2020 3:15 am
made me feel something
Something I've been trying to avoid for awhile now.
made me feel safe.
Made me feel loved.
Made me feel like the only girl in the world
In your arms, no bad could happen.
In your arms, I was safe.
In your arms, I was loved.
This unfamiliar feeling made me uneasy
Made me doubtful
Made me question everythi...
Wednesday 9th December 2020 6:59 am
i DONT belong
i don’t belong here
i don’t belong anywhere.
i belong alone .
i belong dead.
no one understands me.
i go in groups and try to talk but nothing useful comes out.
i try to get people to like me but no one ends up liking me.
im so far in my own mind i can’t connect with anyone around me.
i hate myself. i hate who i am.
Thursday 12th November 2020 4:01 am
There is so much more to this.
The music does not make song
but the foetal space
amongst famous walls
filled with such au fait grief
and there a beast floats
to see the fear fleeting
on their new found face
in some unfailing destiny,
there she silently screams,
a flame away
God so violently benign
in his passive spirit-
He forges her-
to breath truly ...
Saturday 31st October 2020 1:44 pm
Would you still love your daughter if she was like me?
Would you give her love and affection?
Even if she was yelling and screaming and being mean?
Or would you turn a blind eye and just say
"Oh, she just wants attention!"
And ignore her cries for help.
Would you still love your daughter if she was like me?
Would you kiss and hold her and tell her everything will be alright?...
Thursday 8th October 2020 1:51 pm
Hear the shuffled footsteps drag upon the cold alone
Looking for a distant stone an ancient memory
Dryness caked upon the ground with lives that never were
Looking for a trace of wounded flowers
Rows of dying blossoms dripping open in the rain
Satyrs running naked in the summer nights of love
Cracked and dripping idols close their eyes against the pain
Blinded aged still ...
Tuesday 22nd September 2020 10:01 pm
Do the bathroom thing,
Do the breakfast thing,
Do the bathroom thing again,
Do the commute thing,
Do the work thing,
Do the commute thing again,
Do the dinner thing, the family thing, the needful thing,
The friend thing, the hobby thing, the health thing,
Do the evening bathroom thing,
Do the self-education thing,
Do the good-night thin...
Wednesday 16th September 2020 11:35 am
Hunger hides in the schools
Hunger hides in the uneducated
Hunger hides in a child's mind
Why should this be a political fight
We are not asking for a feast, just a little something to eat.
Sadness hides in the home
Sadness hides in the room
Sadness hides in the man on the streets
Don't want to run in your circle anymore.
Want to take that straight line le...
Wednesday 19th August 2020 11:46 am
clouds my view
at a quarter til two.
I don’t understand why
my muse avoids me like the flu,
when a simple poem or song will do.
Wise words to help me understand
why true love passed me by
in this lifetime.
Why wrong choices,
that felt right at the time,
left me alone in this abyss
where my better self
silently bears witness
to my shr...
Friday 14th August 2020 5:56 am
Temptation looms endlessly,
Dwarfing my little mind,
Making no sense of my sordid little ways,
Consumed by all,
For is it just a passing breeze,
Or the rock that has me be,
Is there life in what I am today,
Or what I am yet to be,
The heart does not know,
Oh, how very little it knows,
Of that which it gives the body and mind to,
The torment of the flesh is but a whimper,
Tuesday 4th August 2020 12:43 pm
It’s a nagging,
A light tug of the sleeve on a cold day,
It reminds you it’s there with
Every quiet evening and cancelled plan
If you close your eyes you can feel
It stronger, engulfing you with its words
And its touch, filling your soul with the
Dirty sludge it flourishes within.
It follows you while you walk from
Street to street, from room to room,
And taunts you ...
Thursday 16th July 2020 3:21 pm
i drive by the place we used to spend hours at, in the back of the car . up on that shitty hill behind my work.
i still feel the musty hands wrap tightly around my ill-ridden waist. teenage love they say.
love is hooking up in the back of a Ford F-150 with Joji playing in the background. love is pretending to be infatuated when in reality they want you to get them off. that is all.
Monday 13th July 2020 8:02 am
A magenta sky
greets my morning sigh.
Another majestic day,
lost in the minutia of life.
paralyzing dream sabers.
Download another book,
refresh the poet's page.
Escape, behind a waterfall
Dry your eyes,
face your fears.
Tuesday 9th June 2020 4:31 pm
I can see it in your eyes
I can feel it in your soul
The path seems so confusing and you just don’t know
I tried to fight your battles
I tried to keep you safe
I tried to give you love but you just ran away
Then I opened my eyes and realized
The battle isn’t mine
So I closed my eyes with a broken heart and cried
And then I prayed to God that he shows you the way back ...
Thursday 4th June 2020 8:06 pm
Elegy For Days Lost
Another day has come and passed
Left pain and sadness in its wake
The seconds, minutes, hours amassed
The sun will give the moon will take
The distant friends the loved ones lost
Amid the times of dread disease
Each family will count the cost
And curse the name of days like these
And yet the sky was clearest blue
I wrote a poem, sang a so...
Sunday 24th May 2020 1:34 pm
Don't tell me about sadness
I have felt it all along
Before my body knew how to ache
Before it bled to every wounds you made
Don't tell me to keep promises
I've always dealt with lies, bad ones
Long before I knew love could trade me for some kind of infidelity
Before it sold the truth to buy back the dishonesty
Don't ask me to put on a smile
I've tried it my whole life
Before these ...
Thursday 21st May 2020 9:52 am
A summer's Christmas,
A winter's Easter,
Sun blazed reflections,
Moon chilled features,
Decaying bright shadows,
Renewing dark radiance,
Exogenous void within',
Lagging just to rush,
The constantly inconsistent,
Concealing joyous sorrows,
Being contiguously distant,
Thoughts resistantly flowing,
Nerves electrically static,
Wednesday 20th May 2020 11:20 pm
My house is so full of empty spaces
where you used to eat, sleep and be
My days are now full of silence
because you are not here with me
My thoughts are full of worry
was it too soon to say goodbye
My eyes are still full of tears
I hope you didn't see me cry
My body is full of loneliness
you were my companion to the end
My memory is full of good times
Thursday 14th May 2020 1:48 pm
He was generous he was sweet
He fed us well, we were meat
Yet somehow as others hobbled towards his call
To feed, to fatten, to round, to fall
I saw myself getting sick and more frail
I felt death near, I felt pale
I saw the colors of existence washing away like dirt in a shower
I saw Him as he was, generous with the meat yet not generous with His power
Thus this was the cu...
Monday 11th May 2020 10:17 am
My gums are bleeding again.
There’s a stack of papers that need attention
But I can’t find my glasses.
My truck is making that funny noise.
I sleep too late
Because no one wakes me.
I don’t write
I feel it’s all been said.
I find I’m repeating myself
No one takes me seriously
Your point’s been made:
I am selfish and fickle,
Sunday 10th May 2020 4:55 am
Michelangelo said the work of art awaited him beneath the slab of marble, merely for him to uncover it. In my own small way I understand that as I write these days. The poem I know is possible waits patiently at the other side across a murky divide and with luck and patience maybe I can reach it, reveal it.
Here is one I wrote about a barbecue years ago in the small town where I lived.
Friday 8th May 2020 11:43 pm
Just as the wind barges in,
seeping into nature,
I feel a sudden breeze wrap me up in sadness
Shattered by the dead weight of indifference,
I fall like a leaf from a shaken tree
I descend into an abyss where time no longer exists;
only emptiness and fear
The night pulls me down,
I find myself in a net of darkness,
immersed in my childhood memories,
Monday 20th April 2020 6:57 pm
What do you do when the person that once brought you love brings you nothing but pain.
What do you do when the person you gave your heart too took it and threw it away.
What do you do when your heart beats so fast it feels like it is coming out of your chest.
And the love you once had starts to change into tears and hate.
And that person that once brought you comfort and made you feel...
Friday 10th April 2020 6:43 pm
for each life lost
a broken heart for friends,
a sadness that never goes away
but gnaws at nerves and silent moments
the desolate times of memory cast hurt shadows
dancing on the twilight walls at the edge of your vision
a friend’s laughter that bonded like mortar holds together bricks
those happy tears can also flow in torrents in a recolle...
Thursday 9th April 2020 2:26 pm
It’s a weird feeling.
I try so hard to put on a show
To all of my friends
And my family
I need to be strong.
I don't want pity
I don't want to be a charity case
I’ve always been the person people come to for advice
And I’ve always been there for all my friends
And goddammit, I wish they were there for me
Thursday 9th April 2020 8:27 am
Hello, can anyone hear me?
Hello, are you still there listening to my cries?
Listening to me as I fall on my knees, feeling so empty as this world falls apart
Hello, God! I need you! We all need you!
Our world slowly falls and we all begin to feel empty wanting human contact, human touch
God silently watches us and our empty lonely hearts
Waiting, quietly, for us all to call his ...
Thursday 9th April 2020 12:26 am
Wave after wave of grief washed over me,
sadness so profound
the world seemed desolate and forlorn,
like being exposed to the stinging rain
and blistering wind
on wave crests at the height of a storm
Between bleak crests were moments
of consolation offered by caring friends,
or comforting memories,
perhaps a joke to soften the pain,
like valleys between waves
give some respite
Friday 3rd April 2020 7:40 pm
A dark cloud over me
No matter how hard I battled I seemed to be stuck
No matter how hard I tried to overcome the struggle it was eating me alive
Breathe, wake up, walk
What is wrong with you I yelled, " You have God!"
Get up battle, don't give up
Life keeps throwing punches at you
Life keeps making you fall
But fight, fight and be strong
Don't give up
Don't you dare ...
Saturday 1st February 2020 2:54 pm
The words you said made me realize it's all done
I cried, yelled, and wallowed in self pity
Then I showered
Did my hair
Put on clothes and said , "That is it girl get it together!"
I said, " That is it girl look at that mirror!"
You are BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, and SMART
I said , "I love me!"
"I love me!"
Tuesday 28th January 2020 9:47 pm
I have this urge to call you
An urge to beg you
An urge to show you I can be happy
I have an urge to tell you that I am strong
I have an urge to tell you that I agree and we're done
An urge to say I know you aren't coming back
I have an urge to stop torturing myself and finally let you be free
I say one more text that is all I need
I say one more text that is all I ...
Monday 27th January 2020 10:03 pm