i think to be unloved is to be damned. 

for a while i thought myself damned.

can you really be damned at 16?

i gave him two cigarettes this time, 

and offered another two. 

he smoked them till the tips of his fingers burned, 

i wanted to place them on my lips.

suck them, kiss them, cool them.

i sat across from him, nursing one drink, careful with my teeth and my brow.

he...

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"i know how to walk from here to there" 

okay, i muse back, 

"so walk through fires with me, walk through" 

i cant. i never have been able to. 

the places that i walk from are the mouths of cavernous houses. 

and from them ive only just realised i can leave.

"i will give you wings and a heart and a lust for the finer things"

good, i need an incentive.

"but you must act upon...

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Been turning myself to blue and green,

Trapping and locking myself in this fucking cage

Again

And I can't, I cannot, I will not

Let you in here.

Nothing more can rely on me.

And i will spend my days putting stoicism and serenity on pedestals,

And I will be hopeless and choked

And my heart will be lurching

And it passed right by me,

But I realise now that no hand is so...

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we shared our fears
our ambitions 
how we felt about love

in a world this cold
it's hard not to feel so alone

paranoia finally got the best of me
she knows i wont rest in peace
we always knew this day would come 
a fate filled with grief

id give anything 
to hear you say goodbye
one more time

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We all have out tipple of choice, mine
i sip.
It's potent breath intertwines with mine
filling my lungs with pleasure.
Satisfying all of my dreams and desires.

I swig,
as my words become dizzy, muddled.
Phosphene eyes to match. Spirits,
lifted.
A wonderful serendipity,
i am free.

I gulp,
my mouth runs away with me, legs
unable.
The clock strikes, it's hand jittery
face wobbling.

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