All that I can do

Is sit slack jawed 

 And picture you,

A vision of kindness

Nurturing us with

 Clay soaked hands

I lost a constant reference,

A personification of grace

 When I lost you 

Now a hazy memory

I can only

Strive to complete and                                  become

From clouded dreams

Of watching you be.

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When the sordid moon drools luscious, raw light,

I am the slice of thunder.

Predisposing,

Permeating

Poisoning the placid night.

A feast of anxiety and malady.

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Been turning myself to blue and green,

Trapping and locking myself in this fucking cage

Again

And I can't, I cannot, I will not

Let you in here.

Nothing more can rely on me.

And i will spend my days putting stoicism and serenity on pedestals,

And I will be hopeless and choked

And my heart will be lurching

And it passed right by me,

But I realise now that no hand is so...

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everything burns when you're made of fire

energy intoxicates me

the happiness is electrifying

the jealousy is inebriating

desire like a drug.

depression consumes me

my limbs persevere in their shaking and the muscle in my soul rattles.

i fall in abyss like sleep.

i always float on my ocean of petrol

with anxiety i just hold the match.

the flame doesn't flicker.

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