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Twenty Minutes to the Bell

Tired old teachers never die,

They just return, on supply!


I know I am in trouble

When I keep glancing at my watch.

A bead of sweat rolls down

My furrowed brow.

A hand shoots up.

“Yes?” irritated teacher voice,

“What is it now?”

“Can I go to the toilet?

I am desperate. I need a pee!”

Laughter. A belch and then a fart.

Raucous laughter

Some of them can b...

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Please Miss

chalk dust on her hands

game chants in her ears

thirty heads a-bobbing

eagerly innocent dears


think she's like them, no

thoughts but right now,

her minds miles away:

why am I a silly cow?


daily strives to impress

ambitious hectic whirr

one bloke after another

none were right for her


as usual on auto-pilot

teaching maths by rote

kids get on h...

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nervous break-downteachinghystericscopingpillsfat

"Devoir anglais"

Preamble: I'm an English as second language teacher in Higher Education. In this current period of more-than-doubled workload due to the hurried and inexpert transition to distance learning, this poem was prompted by one unnamed submitted file too many...

Dear student,

You are unique.

You’re the only you in the world. It’s true,

So I understand for you, ...

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Season of Tests...

A little poem for all the teachers out there...

Season of Tests


Season of tests and sallow fruitlessness,

Pacing the aisles of shuffling fidget minds

Tapping pens and flicking rulers and the mess

Of scrunched up paper, shavings and the rinds,

Satsumas curling, yellowing skins up turned,

Ink stained fingers, mucky finger nails,

The slow stumble of old ideas new learned.


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The Ballad of the Classroom



I’m going to burst, I need a pen,

I had it first, say that again!

I’m feeling sick, You got a tissue?

Watch this trick, I heard her diss you…


It’s boring this, I hate this school

Can I see Miss, I play the fool.

I always leave before the end

I just sit here, beside my friend.


I won’t change seats, you can’t make me

What ...

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A lesson that I Taught



I Teach!!

I taught...

Here's a lesson that I taught...

I had this lesson. It were ace in my mind!

The planning was tight, concise, well timed


Going into the room - my stage

Put on the teacher face, the act

(My phone is buzzing but I don't react)


Lights, camera, action! You're on!


"Hi guys! Come in, unpack your things!"


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educationteachingstudentteacherfunnyCutting edgy swearing

To my favourite student Sonya


This poem I devote to my student I dote,

To my beautiful Sonya.

May be she’ll be a lawyer

As she hates deceivers

And think how to overcome rough rivers.

May be she’ll be an actress

As she can imitate anyone perfectly well

And her voice sounds like a bell.

So, may be she’ll be a famous singer

Or a well-known writer

As her imagination is great.


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