The Ballad of the Classroom



I’m going to burst, I need a pen,

I had it first, say that again!

I’m feeling sick, You got a tissue?

Watch this trick, I heard her diss you…


It’s boring this, I hate this school

Can I see Miss, I play the fool.

I always leave before the end

I just sit here, beside my friend.


I won’t change seats, you can’t make me

What page we on? I need a pee.

Is that your name? Do you like your job?

I’ll give em out… you, shut your gob!


We’ve done this page, let’s clap and hum

Don’t act our age, say dick and bum.

I’m not your serf, I just don’t care.

You’re on my turf, so best beware.


It weren’t me sir, never did a thing

In class I like to cheer and sing.

Rub my name right off the board,

If I AM good, what’s my reward?


He can walk out, has anger issues

You’re really good, we all just wish you

Were our real teacher, fist pump me now?

Not like the last, right old cow.


He’s got Tourettes, has to shout prick

He’s got big ears which we all flick

She can’t do work without headphones in,

Miss said we can, I aim for the bin.


What we doing?, Get in the queue

Shut up NOW, we’ll wait for you.

I need a rubber, pull his chair out too

I won’t sit down, what you going to do?


Why you still there, looking at the time?

Fingers to your lips, some kind of mime.

Shurrup year ten, half an hour of din,





◄ You're Fizzy

Brick by Brick ►


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mike booth

Mon 20th Nov 2017 00:13

Thanks for kind comments. I am not usually a secondary teacher, but am now full of admiration and respect... and not a little pity, for what they do each day. Wish me luck as i face another week at the chalkface! M x

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Hannah Collins

Sun 19th Nov 2017 20:36

Brilliant !
I am a teacher but the children I teach are younger than this but I do recognise this behaviour, these characters from other teachers. Some from my own school days.
One supply teacher said he was lucky to get out of the classroom alive !
Fantastic stuff.

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Trevor Alexander

Sun 19th Nov 2017 15:02

Once upon a time I thought seriously, but briefly about teaching. An imagined scenario just like the one you've described was what deterred me! Nice piece.

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