The invitation came from an anonymous source

With a hint of menace in a note of force

A resolution has been passed

By our High Command

For festive entertainment we want your band

This is not optional, there’s no way out 

We’re ready and waiting so don’t hang about

Be at the Village Hall on the Thirteenth of December

And prepare to deliver an event to remember

There’ll be light refreshments but don’t expect beer

And for amplification you’ll need all your own gear

There was no clarification, we just had a hunch;

 

It was the Women’s Institute Christmas Lunch

 

As the day dawned in the village it was vivid and bright

But none of us had had any sleep that night

Would they appreciate our repertoire

of seasonal fun,

or would it be more "On your marks, get ready to run"

Should we really be performing Lily the Pink 

With its references to religion, infirmity and drink?

Were we asking for trouble, would they think we were high?

Playing the Pogues at the WI

 

In the event of a riot we’d planned our retreat

Out the back door and into the street

Safety was paramount if it came to the crunch

At the Women's Institute Christmas Lunch 

 

As the opening bars began to play

The unease was apparent, a general dismay

They’d turned up for carols in their tinsel and bling

But this wasn’t Hark The Herald Angels Sing

No Noels or stars in the Midnight Clear

Just ukuleles, good times, whiskey and beer

They’d misunderstood what we were about

“This isn’t Christmas!” we could hear them all shout

So we made a quick shift to swallow our pride

Cut Johnny Cash and abandoned Rawhide

Elvis entered the building in spirit at least, 

And with Blue Christmas tamed the Jerusalem beast

The 12 Days of Christmas arrived early, with urgency

Which was essential to prevent an insurgency

The closing medley met with general confusion 

With its rock and roll/jingle bells/Latino  fusion

No encores were called for, we’d rolled with the punch

At the Women's Institute Christmas Lunch