The tree is man-made, the gifts are fake,

The carols make my stomach ache.

I hate the crowds, the forced-up cheer,

The noise that fills this time of year.

 

The sales are loud, the hype is worse,

Everyone's lost in some gift-giving curse.

The cookies? -Too sweet! The songs? -A "bore"!

I’d rather be locked behind my door.

 

So skip the cheer, and ditch the mess,

I’d rather have a day of rest.

No jingle bells, no holiday fuss,

Merry Grinchmas to all—just leave me thus!