On the Grand Canal in Venice

where bridges span and sigh

There’s a rising sense of menace

Here comes the W.I.

 

They’re oblivious to the sandbags

Stacked against an inundation

As they wield their leather handbags

And march in tight formation

 

At the head of them is Norah

The bravest and the best 

The other girls adore her

In their phalanx, ten abreast

 

They’ve seized the Doge’s Palace

And captured St Mark’s Square

Doreen, Marge and Alice

Are exfoliating there

 

It’s been their proud ambition

To rule decisively, with fear

Their grim faced all female mission

To secure a gondolier

 

So now Luigi’s coming back

A trophy of their pillage

In Gillian’s giant rucksack

She bought at the Outlet Village

 

One minute he was singing arias

The next he was under wraps

It seems age is no barrier

For abductions or kidnaps 

 

With a ball of wool stuffed in his mouth

They muffled his plaintiff cries

And took him from the warm south

To the land of fresh baked pies

 

It was a flawless operation

To get him home with Ryanair

They breezed through immigration

Handling him with care

 

He’ll not miss his mama’s linguine

As he embarks on his new life

Said a grimly smiling Jeannie

We’ll find him a new wife

 

He’ll be handy at the Book Club

Pouring G and Ts with ice

He could even give my back a rub

A massage would be nice

 

And when Knitting Circle meets

He can entertain us with Venetian brio 

Handing out little pastry treats

And singing O Sole Mio

 

Norah remarked later

Over tea and scones at home

I fancy getting a gladiator

so next we’ll conquer Rome