funny verse (Remove filter)

Recent Comments

John Marks on Brother
13 seconds ago

Pete (edbreathe) on WIN ter
38 minutes ago

Tom on Things we don't write about
2 hours ago

d.knape on Stephen Gospage
8 hours ago

John Coopey on Blue Sway
11 hours ago

keith jeffries on WIN ter
11 hours ago

John Coopey on WIN ter
11 hours ago

John Coopey on THE GODS OF COMEDY
11 hours ago

Holden Moncrieff on Vise
13 hours ago

Holden Moncrieff on Brother
13 hours ago

A Grave Mistake!

A Grave Mistake!

 

Alf and Elsie - such a pair. Inseparable, throughout.

A paragon of ‘love and care’ (no shadow of a doubt).

Down’t pit until retirement, Alf was ‘Yorkshire, born and bred’.

Which met his wife’s requirement (strong int th’arm and thick int th’ead!)

 

But, after sixty years of bliss, came by ‘that dreadful day’

when Alfie, with a tender kiss, sent Elsie ‘on ...

Read and leave comments (0)

funny poemfunny versehumorous poetryhumorous verse

A 'Brush' with Art !

A 'Brush' with Art !  

 

 

I think I'll take up painting.

Could it really be that tough?

To swish a brush across the canvas

....spreading ‘oil-based stuff’.

 

Lots of people do it

and make money on the side.

But the trick to this is selling them

to folk  (..... before you’ve died!)

 

Da Vinci and his ‘Masters’

could have flogged a few more ‘Greats’,

if ...

Read and leave comments (3)

funny poetryfunny verseHumorous verselight verse

'Sign' of the Times (Reflections on 'Rude'!)

 

Apologies, in advance, for the rude words !

 

Folk who pee in public places (treating them as ‘loos’).

‘Concert-girls’, on partners’ shoulders, blocking others’ views.

Kids that kick your airplane seat whilst parents just ignore.

Gits who queue-jump at the bar -‘though you were there before.

 

Those who walk straight past you, without thanks .... or smiles.... or nods.

...

Read and leave comments (4)

funny poemsfunny poetryfunny versehumorous poemshumorous poetryhumorous verseHumour

“Old Heads on Young Shoulders”! 

 

”You can’t put old heads on young shoulders!”, they say. 

But I think that I may have ‘come-up’ with a way, 

involving some sawing - and stitching - and glue 

(and a bit of a ‘heads-up’, in just what to do!).  

 

But, if I decided to give it a ‘bash’, 

that would leave a spare head and a body (to stash)! 

Which seems such a waste of a woman or man.

So, now I’ve develop...

Read and leave comments (1)

funny poemsfunny poetryFunny versehumorous poemshumorous poetryHumorous VerseHumour

'Man-Sized' Issues !

So, now those ‘Man-Size’ tissues

are named ‘Extra-Large’ instead. 

It’s another “sexist” issue 

that is messing with me ‘ead!  

 

It seems, the major problem 

is all centred around ‘Man’. 

Folk find this word offensive 

but I’m ‘flummoxed’ if I can !

 

I’m fearing for the future 

if this nonsense carries on. 

‘Cos they’ll ban the ‘Man’ from everything

 in fav...

Read and leave comments (4)

funny poemsfunny poetryfunny versehumorous poemshumorous poetryHumorous versehumour

A ‘Snitch’, in Time ! 

 

My mother’s mother, Granny Brown

was ‘muchly-loved’ (once) in our town. 

The care she gave; her happy ways. 

She cheered us, in her ‘ember days’. 

 

She liked to knit, but not to sell.  

Such quality, (oh, you could tell!). 

Each item, thoroughly bespoke 

- for gifting to specific folk.  

 

“Gran, that’s great !” I’d often shout.  

“You knit them, then you han...

Read and leave comments (4)

funny poemsfunny poetryfunny versehumorous verseHumourlight verse

Is "Statue"?

 

I met this gorgeous woman for some ‘afternoon-delight’.

When we ventured back to her place (well and truly ‘outta-sight’!).

We scurried up the stairs and very soon were ‘in flagrante’.

My clothes were off as she approached, in just her bra and panties.

 

We intertwined, to ‘moan and grind’, intent on pure ‘amour’

But soon were interrupted by the thumping of a door.

My lov...

Read and leave comments (0)

Funny Poemsfunny poetryfunny versehumorous poemshumorous poetryHumorous verselight verse

'Rhyme Crime'!

When, first I began on the ‘poetry’ scene,

my brain wasn’t ready. Let’s say “a bit ‘green’”?

A “bull-at-a-gate” (if you know what I mean)

and ended up racing - a little too keen !

 

There’s a challenging issue in having Verse, rhyme.

Writing ‘couplets’ that match, yet make sense every time.

Which, sometimes presents a ‘huge mountain to climb’

(if you seek to avoid the ‘mund...

Read and leave comments (4)

funny poemsfunny poetryfunny versehumorous verselight verse

Size Matters!

Size Matters!

 

Jack and Jill were getting wed.

(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).

“But, let me give you, Son,” he said

“some fatherly advice.

 

On the day, I wed yer mam

I nipped ‘er straight indoors.

And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am

I soon laid down the laws.

 

I boldly took mi trousers off

and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’

She drowned within a sea of cloth

...

Read and leave comments (9)

funny poemsfunny versehumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

A 'Valued' Friend!

A 'Valued' Friend!

 

Frank, tonight, is working late.

The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.

“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.

“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.

 

I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,

to tell you of his news, alas.”

“It’s nice of you to think of me.”

Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”

 

And so they share a brew and chat;

some thoug...

Read and leave comments (2)

funny poemsfunny versehumorous poemsHumorous versehumour

The Trouble With Nuts!

The Trouble With Nuts!

 

The trouble with nuts is, they’re very elusive.

But, don’t take my word as completely conclusive.

It’s just that, it seems, though, whenever they're freed

they scatter and hide - which is not what you need!

 

Consider the case of a doctor, I knew.

Took his car for a spin ( and to ‘pose’ in it, too).

A well-mannered man - but you wouldn’t think th...

Read and leave comments (0)

funny poemsfunny versehumorous poetryhumorous versehumour

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message