Dear Diary

Lonely,but never alone , courtesy, of these voices,
Drowning out , my natural thought process,
affecting, how I make choice's.

Controling my mind, totaly possessed,
Punishing me for what? Disturbing my rest.

In fact I'm so controlled ,that all my life I've been unaware,
Didn't know ,any different, assumed they were suppose to be there.

Intrusive in voluntary thoughts
no filters in my brain,
Completely ,mentally trapped a constant crushing pain.

When does it get better? and will it ever change?
Iv accepted that I'm different, and in some ways a little bit strange.

I've coped, with life so far, in hope that one day i'll blend in,
Realistically, it's impossible, when you're struggling just to stay thin.

Don't want to be noticed, for my mistakes,
As I'm trying to keep them quiet,
I've not spoke out, 'bout how I feel, but i feel it's time to try it.

Surely it's not just me? I know there's others out there,
But how, on earth, do I find them ?and are they willing to share?

Hearing, is muffled  and I don't understand, what it is you said,
But I'm not asking you, to repeat  again, I'll just agree instead.

I give up trying to keep up, I might aswel, opt out,
For if I make, one more mistake, I'm afraid that you will shout.
.
You see, its noisy, in the classroom, it's noisy in my head,
Its too loud,in the house, for me,
and I'm frightened, to go to bed.

This, is my true feelings ,dear diary what do I do?
I know,my mum will worry ,so i'll keep my secrets with you.

I can escape from other people,but I can't escape myself,
So i think, it's time to face my fears, for the sake of my mental health.

I'll try to like my voices,you know the ones that live in my head,
I see, no other way out, they won't die until I'm dead.

Thankyou for listening to me, dear diary you really are my saviour,
And I know, I ask alot from you, but grant me one last favour?

Make your self, invisible ,to everyone else's eyes,
I'd hate for anyone to read ,how I hate  my looks and size.

One day i'l be happy, even if it takes me ages,
When my tears are dried, and I've filled out all these pages.

Thankyou lines, thankyou to my pen,
When you're full, and the Ink has gone,
I'l start, all over again.

I may not be good at grammer, and my spellings, are  quite unique,
But words are what I'm blessed with ,
And writing is how I speak.

Please don't think, I'm always sad,
I just write,when im feeling  unruly,
Thanks for listening , I'm signing off,
Bye for now,
Yours truly

aloneIf? hopeless feelings down depressionmental health

◄ God Blessable Bless

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