Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 23:39
needs to be clearer on washed up seems like being washed period newly
Comment is about On my end (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 23:36
i just want a normal
in what way not like the other guys
occupied how
lots of power in the middle good the way you turn our banalities back on us such and such a way
Comment is about Them (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Thanks for your comments Greg. I hope you like the resultant amendment.
Comment is about Rob Baylis (poet profile)
Original item by Rob Baylis
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:41
sorry's or sorries are
as good a poem as this is, it still needs development--a few things explained.
Comment is about Shame (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:36
try putting a line after each line that seems to need a why.
i've never skydived. why
after the fact sucks
sucks doesn't say enough
Comment is about I Try (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
you know, when i first read this i thought buttocks too. now they have gone but the poem is still wonderful. doubly so if you read it while listening to the lovejoy theme tune
Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Ha ha. Very good.
There's nowt wrong with a bit of window shopping, now is there? Even at our advanced ages!
Comment is about IN THE PIZZA EXPRESS TRINITY ROAD WANDSWORTH (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Hi Terry
I enjoyed this. The world has more than its fair share of limelight-huggers; let's hear it for those who give rather less than a damn! (There are many of us around, I think).
Jim
Comment is about (blog)
Original item by terry ireland
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:28
i need to forget what isn't important. prosy. this is really a good poem.
Comment is about Little Humans (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:26
Comment is about Little Humans (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:26
Comment is about Little Humans (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:25
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:23
good one. builds. use punctuation throughout or not at all.
Comment is about It falls (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:21
good one. rhythmic. confidential tone brings me in. drop the sucking and swallowing
Comment is about They (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:17
the truth could cope so long....don't get this. lose sense of last lines
Comment is about When we speak (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:13
i like the way it brings everything to a harmony.
Comment is about By the Bay (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke
A really strong lyrical movement as with water itself and the power of secrets and pulling down to psychological fear and insight. I Love this poem with a vengeance Martin. The accordion would serve it well. It could do with a John Gielgud rendition!
Ray
Comment is about Drowned (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
Sorry to stick my neck out with this michael, and I was so impressed by the sheer variety of descriptive words, that I re-read it , and had a thought that it would be as good if not perhaps more lyrical if you were to drop the word AND on the second and fourth verses, thus giving more of an impetus to the reading.
with respect, Ray
Comment is about Dog (blog)
Original item by Michael J Piggott
Thanks Laura for going to so much trouble - a total inspiration all the way. I entirely get your drift, which was why I used the indented format on the three lines only.
This is surely one of the chief purposes of such a site, and you do it credit!
Ray
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Very kind of you to say so, David. Likewise, I'm sure!
Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thank you stu.
Needs an edit i think x
Yeh i like the grapefruits too :)
Comment is about miracle (blog)
Original item by Rachel Bond
A well timed comment, Ken.
The imposition of religious law has its origins in the
controlling abuse of the dignity of the human spirit and the
latter's unquenchable desire to seek advancement in the human condition via enlightenment and knowledge.
As I have remarked elsewhere: the sheep have wolves
for shepherds.
Comment is about Poet reprieved from execution but still faces 800 lashes and long jail term (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:26
At some future period,
not very distant as measured
by centuries, the civilized races
of man will almost certainly
exterminate and replace
the savage races throughout
the World.
Charles Darwin.
Comment is about Poet reprieved from execution but still faces 800 lashes and long jail term (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:22
Just got in from walking the dog and read this poem so apt and entertaining just like our animals mine is the daftest lurcher you would care to meet love the busyness of your poem well done ( : C
Comment is about Dog (blog)
Original item by Michael J Piggott
Ha ha so funny keep them coming x
Comment is about Coffee shop blues (blog)
Original item by Pauliegreg
Such a funny yet exasperating ending feel for you x
Comment is about Ocean Blue (blog)
Original item by Jon Darby
Memories life is made of them a pleasure to have a glimpse into your childhood the good old days uncomplicated pleasures x
Comment is about Cake Mix (blog)
Original item by Jon Darby
his body moved like fresh grapefruits
that is a fine line!
very accomplished piece of writing. doesnt lag and is interesting and nicely wordy throughout.
enjoyed.
Comment is about miracle (blog)
Original item by Rachel Bond
jeremy. just wanted to say i am keeping up with these and they are excellent. like an old greek epic in size and scope. wont comment on them all (its a huge undertaking!) but i am enjoying them.
Comment is about the muslim's tale xii (blog)
Original item by jeremy young
yes this is great! reminds me of tony soprano at the start of the first series when he finds the ducks in his swimming pool. great stuff.
Comment is about THOSE DAMN DUCKS (blog)
Original item by GeeProcessor
gorgeous martin. brackish ponds. blackened meres. sodden tides. just lovely sensuous writing and flows beautifully. would be great live i think, possibly with accordion accompaniment.
Comment is about Drowned (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
Yoohoo! :D Just got your messages. Now then, this indent works well, for me. It brings attention to those lines, focuses the reader much more on the path you are creating for them, the linguistic trick you are playing on them and the trap you are setting, and using the 'diagnosis' word to signpost it for them.
A reader now sees it mounting up into raised eyebrows territory, and they're thinking "is he saying what I THINK he's saying?! Well I never!" sorta thing ;) (cos they're NOT thinking "Is that significant? Should I be taking notice of this somehow? I don't know what it means"
You say you believe it to be a better presentation, and it is, you're right ;)
Enjoy the experimentation - I tried it a couple of times and loved it!
Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)
Original item by ray pool
I've just now checked about Concrete Poetry, and it has opened my eyes to the potential, and I think I will definitely give more consideration to construction as and when it inspires me - maybe a few experiments on the way.
Thanks so much Laura.
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Hi Laura. Just to say that I've re - entered The Restorer's Lot on the basis of your comments, leaving three lines indented as I feel they need a special emphasis. I think this is a better presentation.
So thanks again for an intelligent take.!!
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
I'm getting there, Harry (apart from the hair).
(And I think you need her permission before Yvonne lets you beat her)
Comment is about 70m DASH (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Morning Ray!
Yeh, I thought it may be something along those lines of 'sexing up', as you called it. If a poem is 'good' (and we are always in the loop of subjectivity when we judge a piece of art), then it will stand on its own two feet (or four, in this case heh).
Unless there is a 'concrete' (see what I did there?) reason for arranging the text in a certain way, it serves to distract rather than enhance. It makes the reader instantly wonder about the significance of the arrangement, and in the process, focus is taken away from the actual poem.
It would be well worth your time to read up a little about concrete poetry actually, so that you can have a play with it. I'd never heard of it until about 3 or 4 years ago when I reviewed a book of poems about rock-climbing, and the writer had laid out her poems in different cliff and climbing formations. It was a real joy and surprise to read.
Anyway, if you don't know about it, have a gander:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concrete_poetry
Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)
Original item by ray pool
Great poem , I like the rhythm and the flow to it. I will bet it goes down well spoken live.
Comment is about THOSE DAMN DUCKS (blog)
Original item by GeeProcessor
man your work is BANGIN
Comment is about Double Dark (blog)
Original item by J. Otis Powell‽ (with interrobang)
Hi Jim, no need for blushing :) I really appreciate you comment on my poem Vibrating in the unison of the scream of passion. Thank you.
Comment is about Jim Trott (poet profile)
Original item by Jim Trott
Hi, Ray thank you so much for your kind comment on my poem Vibrating in the unison of the scream of passion.
Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)
Original item by ray pool
That fat guy isn`t you with your hair dyed, is it John?
(Yvonne has never forgiven some woman who beat her thirty years ago)
Comment is about 70m DASH (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Cynthia,
I like the way rhe perplexed, befuddled discombobulated, scruffy, and the ruffled furious robin,
seem to be all trying to re-compose themselves after the wind
Comment is about Wind from my Window (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Stu,
I can see why you minimised this one, For pete`s sake take the shit and the crocodile out of it! She sounds like a bit of a treasure...she`ll have your guts for garters!
Comment is about My Love (blog)
Original item by Stu Burton
Laura, thanks for your observations. I'm very glad you gave it the once over, and although David's astute suggestion was not in my mind , my real answer to your question is that It has become a habit on occasions with no apparent motive- perhaps I am insecure enough to think readers will not follow the content without the "sexing up" of the format. Which of course is bollocks but just me not being sure of motive.
Please continue to read 'em with your usual strict ministrations!
David, I like the humour - very apposite! I'm getting too old for the old restoring malarchy! The shed full of tools awaits though. Ray
Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Chris,
To me there seems to be a long period of self-sacrifice unsaid (and yet said) in this poem.
Comment is about EMPTY (blog)
Original item by christine yates
Bruce Strosnider
Thu 4th Feb 2016 23:39
Comment is about On my end (blog)
Original item by Eric Broke