I make myself suffer in subtle ways.
In constantly drinking the worst flavor of Monster Energy.
In dragging smoke into my lungs time and time again.
In breaking promises to myself, to my friends.
In failing all my classes.
In not taking my meds.
In falling in love with two of my best friends.
In refusing to tell anybody any of this.
Pain tastes so much better in ...
Monday 11th October 2021 9:20 am
It gets better,
a friend once said
You’re not a bad person
Shouldn’t wish you were dead
Everyone is their own worst critic,
He said to me
And when he needs an ear,
I listen intently
We swap stories,
One back and one forth
Lighten the load,
Keep each other on course
When friends are down
I feel it too
When people are sa...
Wednesday 29th September 2021 1:47 pm
Tuesday 7th September 2021 8:07 am
That pain in your chest when your crying at night tears pure white
Show me the pain and insecurities you continue to shoulder
So i can come in like the rude friend that doesnt ask to come over
Knock shit over
Running in the dark until I fall off the worlds edge whose missing me anyway
I think about that everyday falling asleep waking up still in darkness
Trying to harness...
Saturday 4th September 2021 6:06 am
What humanity needs is to take some acid,
Take a tab kick back and get blasted,
There's more to this world than what our eyes can see,
The first time I took acid it truly set me free,
I had never in my life experienced joy like that before,
I have never been that happy in life I am sure,
Then I had a realization and tears poured down my face,
I didn't want to leave that blissf...
Friday 20th August 2021 1:08 am
Broken sensations flood the brain,
attempting analysis would be in vain,
a relentless emotional maelstrom,
wreaking havoc in the mind’s kingdom.
The weather has settled,
a calm both before and after a storm,
stuck in a time loop,
ashen nimbi gather around with scorn.
A shattered refraction pierces the veil,
unveiling islands in various shades of gray,
Saturday 5th June 2021 8:31 pm
A cloud hanging above me,
black and thick like a pool of tar,
I don’t think I can go very far,
all I can muster is simply be.
Skeleton with a coat of sinew and flesh,
the same wounds keep opening up as fresh,
this existence is mostly void of joy,
the little there is feels like a ploy.
Can’t stop pondering death,
maybe it’s all a waste of breath,
too numb to ...
Saturday 5th June 2021 9:45 am
Trying to function but my brain's on the grind,
trying to end me, I won't give up,
in my head an enemy, chaining me up,
stuck in this conscience losing my mind.
Reflections broken, looking away,
this existence brings mostly just pain,
the beautiful moments scatter to gray,
I'm just one person, both Abel and Cain.
Wandering aimlessly looking for purpose,
Friday 4th June 2021 9:54 pm
You lock me in a room with no weapons
To fight the waiting lion.
I'd built a hasty tower of chairs
To reach the window,
You could have pulled me out
But you pushed me back
"Find a ladder to reach this window."
And you wondered why I was clinging.
Then you pulled the chairs out
Tuesday 1st June 2021 10:06 am
Just because I've learnt to swim underwater,
Doesn't mean I can live without breathing.
Just because I can walk on the surface,
Doesn't mean I can't slip and start sinking.
If I don't look in the mirror,
Doesn't mean my face has changed.
If I start at the beginning,
Still I have to reach the end.
Just because there is a meaning
Doesn't mean I understand (or know it).
Just because the...
Sunday 30th May 2021 2:37 pm
I was better off feeling dead
Than feeling alive.
I was better off feeling low
Than on this false height.
I was better afraid of the dark
Than afraid to open my eyes.
I was better afraid of cutting myself
Than scared to survive.
Friday 28th May 2021 9:05 am
There was this precious vase that was my life.
It was a thing of beauty on a sacred shelf.
It had a purity and sense of truth.
It was a vessel of my love.
But now, I gaze at fragments strewn across my hearth.
How strange, since I can feel there's something else.
Yet, when I look down, I recognise that someone smashed it.
It must have slipped when I was cleaning.
I am sitting in the ...
Thursday 27th May 2021 4:49 am
It is a cloak that I sit on, covering the ground.
A cloak that no-one else can step on,
And it seems to span for miles like that.
Except that from the way I see it;
It ends a bare few inches away,
And it is sown rags,
And the torn edges are the end of my reality.
When I get lonely,
I cannot even pull it up to warm me
Because I am sitting in the middle.
Elsewhere, the ground seems real ...
Wednesday 26th May 2021 8:15 am
We don't think you ought to do that.
"Tell me what to do!"
We don't think you should feel like that.
"Tell me what to feel!"
You should know that there's always a way forward.
"Show me where to go!"
You should be stronger than that.
"Show me how."
We've decided you can cope if you try.
"You don't know what it's l...
Tuesday 25th May 2021 4:27 am
She's a lot
For her self
Or anybody else
Into a never ending void
And I'll tear you apart too
You sampled the poisen
And it tasted so sweet
Just enough to make you sick
Stay with me
If you want
I won't beg
Monday 24th May 2021 11:10 am
Sometimes, there are more thoughts
Than words to speak them.
Sometimes there is more will to live,
Than to go on breathing.
These arms are almost too heavy to type.
Too heavy to move.
I don't know how to break out,
And I don't see _why_ I should break out.
It is cloudy, but I can just see people looking in;
And I can see those that gave up looking in.
And those that don't know how to...
Monday 24th May 2021 5:16 am
I am a sleepless night.
I am a taut balloon.
I am a punctured tyre.
I am a violin.
I am a broken cup.
I am an endless maze.
I am a lonely child.
And I am giving up.
There's a way to live.
There's a way to laugh.
There's a way to breathe.
There's a way to last.
There's a way to die.
There's a way to win.
There's a way to try.
There must be a way to give in.
Sunday 23rd May 2021 1:40 am
My lover lives inside of long exposures
She breathes inside of my flashlight
The shutter gazes wide eyed into darkness
I write her notes with this wavering beam
Capture my fast fading dreams by sunrise
Saturday 22nd May 2021 8:01 pm
If I am a monument;
I am out in all weathers.
They made me marble
So I would be cold in the sun,
Warm in the rain.
They made me on a pedestal
Because in their wisdom,
They knew it would be further to fall.
I am somewhere that no-one passes,
Because I am forgotten.
I am alone amongst pidgeons,
Saturday 22nd May 2021 9:41 am
No-one's happy with their life.
Someone, somewhere, was telling you stories.
If you are lucky, you'll do alright.
If you are lucky.
There's a way to be.
There's a way to cope.
Where's the God that's supposed to help us?
Where's the love that's meant to guide us?
Where's the hope?
No-one's meant to have it easy.
Someone, somewhere, must have been crazy!
Friday 21st May 2021 2:52 am
And all the world is wondering what started it.
In the playground, they want to know whose fault it was.
Life goes on, and life goes on,
And don't you know it's fated?
And all the world wants to know who ended it.
In the theatre, they wonder what it 'felt' like.
Time goes on, and time goes on,
Don't you know that it's decided?
Life is hoping that you make it.
The time you spend, teari...
Thursday 20th May 2021 12:40 am
Everything goes round the same, my friend;
Turn any which way, but when you think you have passed it,
It's on the horizon again.
I can't tell you what you want to hear.
Or shall I pretend that it's all
As you'd like it to be.
You take a deep breath, thinking everything's clear,
But it only take...
Wednesday 19th May 2021 8:54 am
I just need someone to massage my mind.
Oh, but these neurons are aching.
I just need someone to drag me up out of this life
Where I am dying.
I just need a hand while I find my feet,
But one that won't hurt me.
I just need a body to hold in the night,
But one that won't scare me.
I just need someone to cradle my thoughts,
Keep Baby from crying.
I just need someone to show me that th...
Tuesday 18th May 2021 5:15 am
And time goes on, my friend,
Your wounds that never heal,
Will grow an ugly face,
Your troubles never end.
And life goes on and on...
Your dreams that never came,
Will haunt you as you wake,
Your broken heart won't mend.
And I say
howl at the wind.
run with the river.
drift with the clouds.
burn with the fever.
Monday 17th May 2021 6:37 am
My mind is screaming for this pain to stop.
You say I am cold, but I am burning up
There is so much noise I'm surprised you can't hear.
It is creeping through my skin.
Dripping, with the sweat, from my hair.
How can I think of anything else?
The mind reels to this deafening pulse.
And I am near to breaking.
Thinking of taking the quickest way out,
And then you say I should stop...
Saturday 15th May 2021 10:13 am
I can feel you're scared.
Anxiety a rubber band wound tightly around your heart
Dread like nails pinning down your feet where you stand
Despair, sitting in your stomach, churning evermore
You carry sadness around on you
It poisens your words
Flattens your hair
Wrinkles your clothes
The sad stench of it radiates through your pores
And if I can take it away,
If I can h...
Friday 14th May 2021 11:18 am
Life is wearing me down, yeah
But you know that.
Life is fooling me around.
But what of that, yeah, what of that?
Didn't anyone say I was special.
No-one said life was gonna be fun.
Guess sometimes you just make assumptions.
Guess sometimes you just get it wrong.
Life is passing me by, now
But you know that.
Life is wondering why.
But what of that, now,...
Friday 14th May 2021 3:47 am
Everything is going wrong.
Or everything went so wrong
I can't tell
If it stopped and I didn't notice,
And I can't tell
Everything is just nothing now.
Or everything was so much nothing,
I can't see
That there's any difference now,
And I can't see
Everything is tumbling down,
Or everything is built...
Tuesday 11th May 2021 3:31 am
If you are going to kill yourself
Someone is going to find you.
Do you want that?
You are trying to die, I might wish you success,
But for what?
So you don't like it how it is,
Do you think anyone does?
But it is better to change, than destroy...
Oh my god, I can't carry on like this.
Not each day the same same thing!
You want me to wait,
Monday 10th May 2021 8:20 am
I'm the one that's trying to tell you:-
This is all there ever will be.
Nothing you can say
Can change a thing,
I know everything about me.
Don't waste your time and
Don't waste your breath.
You think you want to help, but I
Know that's an empty threat.
I am the one, trying to show you:-
I live everything extreme.
Now you think I am being
Too hard on you, but
Cut me and I bleed.
Sunday 9th May 2021 7:23 am
These bloodless wounds will never heal.
"Father Time, save me."
I grow so weak as the not-blood spills.
"Mother Nature, cure me."
Rock me. Wash me. Make me clean again.
Saturday 8th May 2021 10:23 am
There is no time for the pillow to dry,
There is no hope, that's why I cry.
There is no future for all I see.
There are no perks,
To being me.
I would talk to myself if I had anything to say
I would comfort myself, did I think there was a way
To stay sane.
But what to believe?
All I can hear are the scr...
Friday 7th May 2021 7:56 am
There reaches that point
When you reach for the pills.
The things that you won't
The world thinks that you will.
The waiting for freedom
Is not soon enough.
The paying for wisdom
Is costing too much.
And there's nothing left.
Thursday 6th May 2021 3:58 am
It is time to introduce a new sub-theme in Love's Tempest - depression. Undoubtedly the upcoming depression poems are intricately related to most of the prior themes in Love's Tempest, but there's space to ponder that perhaps through self-love alone, depression is always related to Love's Tempest. I don't know if that is true as I haven't experienced every type or every cause of depression that th...
Tuesday 4th May 2021 9:10 am
Some call it 'depression' but
It doesn't help to name it;
I always knew I had it
But at some point I became it
Thursday 15th April 2021 12:41 am
I don't wanna die
I don't wanna die
I don't wanna die
I don't wanna die
I don't wanna die
I find solace in the lie
Sunday 11th April 2021 6:35 pm
Oh bless me Universe & make me a perfect picture of your art.
Make me as pure as a newborn as I was from the start.
For they left me alone afraid in the dark.
They threw in the ocean to swim with the sharks.
And they laughed as I was ripped apart.
Actuality/Reality ripped away my heart.
I hold my self accountable & it was fifty percent my fault.
And the "Angel Of Death" came to me & said...
Friday 2nd April 2021 8:21 pm
he went home for the weekend
on a trial run before his release
wife, welcome with open arms
love and tenderness and peace
soon she changed acted strange
face turned to bones and wrath
body sank into itself, a shadow,
clothes turned to stinking cloth
she taunted him and sniggered
old issues raised painful heads
conflict in his mind, confusion,
they ended i...
Wednesday 3rd March 2021 10:56 am
"You have been here a few days now",
"Since Saturday", she replied
"And why did you come in here?"
"Because I attempted suicide"
She didn't have any worries,
She wasn't sad or happy,
It was blank, emotionless state,
Nothing to do, nothing got her interest,
Now been quite a few time living through this noiseless rhyme,
It was like a vegetative state, living in her mi...
Friday 19th February 2021 6:15 pm
I feel more and more like broken glass
as each day has gone pass.
I try to stay strong
while everything goes wrong.
I don’t wanna upset them,
they think that I am as beautiful as a gem.
Why can’t I see myself as they see me?
Why must I lack so much glee?
I need my friends to make me happy,
because without them I feel so sappy.
I hate that I must admit that I’m no...
Thursday 18th February 2021 4:01 pm
I don’t wanna be here
and that may be hard to hear.
I’m sorry for always letting you down
because when I do, it makes you frown.
It’s become second nature to fake a smile,
because being happy is the new style.
I hate it when we argue and fight.
I hate it so much, it makes me cry at night.
I think I’ve run out of tears
from crying all these years.
I cry in the car...
Wednesday 17th February 2021 3:56 pm
[ ] The stress burns the brain with great fire.
[ ] The mind shrinks; the body tires.
[ ] The vivid image is no longer the building of & empire.
[ ] The tension crumbles the goals that were once desired.
[ ] For the stars they once looked upon to aim higher.
[ ] But the ground 6 feet deep they now desire.
[ ] For the pain hurts & there is no denial.
[ ] R...
Tuesday 16th February 2021 8:09 pm
Climb the steps, one by one
Feel the breeze refresh me
Hands can nearly touch the sun
Golden rays drip down around me
Love and splendour encases my heart
With the world shining out all its glory
A brand new day, a glimmering start
New beginnings, new days, new story
Top of the slide, secure on the mat
Fluttering lungs fill up with excitement
The world whizz...
Monday 8th February 2021 8:44 pm
Weave me into your joyous network cruelly
Entombed in humming cables spooling
All the edges are skewing
Hooks luring in the dark
Fatal spark ends transmission
Good intentions, outweighed by outcome
Harvesting doubt under hot sun
Can't hide, can't run
Friday 22nd January 2021 3:12 pm
I stood beneath a whispering tree
Upon a windy day
Singing into the careless breeze
My cares they blew away.
Then finally I clearly heard
What nature did avow
And I could see the sun at last
Beyond the leafy boughs.
Yes, finally I clearly hear
What nature does avow
And I can see the sun at last
Beyond the leafy boughs.
Wednesday 13th January 2021 11:33 am
(Originally song lyrics for a friend, wrote after the tragic suicide of Chester Bennington)
In the backstreets of my mind
I kicked a ball against a wall
It bounced into a neighbours yard,
Where, I cut my hand upon a shard
of glass that glittered in the sun,
Into my mind again I'd run
And wake within this broken life
Upon my wrist I held a kni...
Saturday 9th January 2021 2:26 pm
I've been burned
And risen again
Proud of my new coat
I've been burned again
Proud of my new coat of feathers
And unafraid of fire.
Wednesday 6th January 2021 1:50 am
Don't ever let anyone convince you
to not share your soul songs.
The weaponized words
they hurl towards you,
are formed from
their own insecurities.
You get one shot,
in this time and space,
crabs in a bucket,
and a host of other cliches,
determined to control
your creative mind.
Give in to dark energy,
and you become it.
Rise above it.
Tuesday 5th January 2021 2:22 pm