In the house
we found rooms full of paper
where he wrote
what we should have known
in such detail
that there wasn't much to say.
This was the year
of the election
when everything was going to change
but in there it had already
and it was for us
to fill our arms with the pages
and to carry
Saturday 31st December 2016 12:51 pm
A day in a life
A life for a day
Give me one more day
Woke up early
Panic attack, head reeling
Give me one more day
Should have written it down
Give me one more day
Feel like I'm dying twice
Both body & mind
Lost, can't find
Give me one more day
Got to ...
Tuesday 20th December 2016 6:36 am
An illness is vicious
Any can be frightful from pneumonia to cancer
It’ll make all of your loved ones suspicious
Now the worst isn’t the goodbying
Losing your roar as your fire burns out is
Or never being able to kiss your beautiful wife once you’re dying
Smoking your last cigarette
Your lungs fill with smoke and doubt
Your chances of living are to those of Rus...
Monday 19th December 2016 5:31 pm
The gifts lie untouched
I am completely alone
Happy christmas dear
Friday 16th December 2016 7:17 pm
Staring down at three fresh mounds of soil
Rain running down the collar of my shirt
Tears gently rolling down across my cheeks
As I stare uncomprehending at the dirt
Three lives gone, taken from me forever
Leaving behind, a shell of a man and a mountain of hurt
Lost in my memories and my inner thoughts
Staring blankly at the freshly turned dirt
Sunday 23rd October 2016 5:42 pm
We're trapped, they said.
I saw it, have you -
The eyes that seemed wild with insanity?
You only get a free one way ticket -
To the place that feeds on the life of you.
It's a crossroad, they said.
One path may lead you to Heaven,
While the other to Hell -
However, did the naivety of your souls
Ever give in to ignorance?
Wednesday 19th October 2016 12:28 pm
Another one from the archives, this one written some time after the death of my grandfather which would put me at about 16 at the time i think.
When the sky is dark, and the wind is cold,
And the rain comes down, fold on fold,
Remember us. The silent ones
In the numbness of the Earths tight hold.
You cannot see us, or hear us talk,
But right beside you we will walk.
Saturday 15th October 2016 12:29 pm
She begs to you.
She cries as her hand reaches for yours.
She shouts thinking you can hear her.
“Please just save me”
Tears flood her eyes as you stand there watching.
But not actually hearing.
Her cries for help fall upon deaf ears.
Do you even know her?
Why is she asking you for...
Thursday 29th September 2016 6:52 pm
Maybe my last step
Im not turning on lights
I wanna walk blind
Maybe fall in the road
See a falling star going 80 miles an hour
But it all moves slow
Why move i like it here
No pain i cant feel a thing
Im content why go?
i bet if i jump wave around ill scare it
and its all mine so i wont share it
come ill show you where depression lies
in a 2005 chevy lights...
Monday 5th September 2016 9:43 am
I am sat inside a box,
My fateful cage.
I push, I scream, I curse, I kick,
And yet...it stands still.
Mocking me with it's security.
It's steel surface scratches me with every movement,
resurging thoughts of bitter isolation;
It's cold chill reeling through my scrunched up bones,
Mocking me with it's unfeeling presence.
I long to feel warmth.
Thursday 1st September 2016 9:09 pm
Funny thing how fame creates
wonderful graves for the departed
most of my dead relatives
ended up in the shadow of Heathrow
fame like the aircraft passing them by
while drinks were prepared in the sky
below the ground nothing much changes
except what God rearranges.
Friday 12th August 2016 10:12 pm
The human race cannot find peace
Not even in death are we allowed to rest
We must 'look down on others and send signs'
But think of a place where there is no time
A state in between death and resurrection
Where you have no thoughts
No worries, stress or crime
It'll only last a second
A blink of an eye
But you won't regret it
To rest in peace, not in the sky
To lie in a state of ...
Friday 15th July 2016 6:39 pm
This make-believe story I predicted in my head,
To pieces upon the ground does it fall.
A happiness once experienced -
A security long gone,
And a father I had imagined -
Now a memory in which I had created.
But, the hurt inside is real -
All torn up, how does my heart continue to beat?
A trauma of the past -
Why must I remember what I wish not to?
Wednesday 6th July 2016 10:44 pm
Whispers traveled the corridors,
Anxiety filled the air -
And there in the corner, she lay
As fine as a porcelain,
With skin as cold as ice.
Nobody dared to approach
But anyone could see,
The pills that lay nestled -
Within the palm of her hand.
And in the midst of all the tension,
The silence seemed to overwhelm -
Those who looked on wanted to run,
Thursday 30th June 2016 8:42 am
If time had stopped,
Where you stood and waved -
A hint of a smile that couldn't be erased,
And we forgave each other.
Like, old friends reuniting...
Old stories to tell and old feelings long gone.
You knew while I couldn't figure it out,
As a bystander I heard the news.
I had treated life like a dream,
And you were a form of reality as you stepped right in.
You taught me about the th...
Wednesday 29th June 2016 12:44 pm
The hallway was littered
pizza curry menus a smoorgasbord
a smell as of cats
the stairlift absent
perched atop the incline
and at the top finally
Bernard was upright in his chair
as per usual, but absent
wrung out of life
one hand caressing the carpet.
A sergeant first on the scene
had distractedly pressed the mouse
on the cavernous desk
life went o...
Friday 10th June 2016 10:22 pm
This is the way the world ends.
Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do not fear the light of the dying star for it will yield no pain.
It is mortal, it is ended.
Fading out like the dimming of the candle, then extinguished, forever.
No light shall ever again grace these barren lands
As dust forever billows across its scarred surface
And drinks its voluptuous seas.
Like a standing ovation,
Thursday 26th May 2016 8:44 pm
A dog died on the streets today
A well bred dog with pedigree
His coat was riddled with fleas and lice
And his stomach was empty.
He would never bark or snap or crack.
Some would offer him food or treats
And some say he died of sadness and grief
A man died on the streets today
One less dog to think of
some were heard to say
On his passing away.
Saturday 14th May 2016 12:19 pm
i watch it all change and i sit back here like a child watching his parents argue across the dinner table not understanding a word waiting for it to change back or change into fireworks and butterflies but i don't know if it will. Because... It's all moved on, everything moves into and out of decay the circle of life is an ouroborus much bigger than i thought it spa...
Monday 9th May 2016 5:52 am
Let me bleed out a moment’s release,
from this contemptible inner peace.
my tears are too clear of midnight ink,
my thoughts are apathetic and indistinct.
I look for omens, cracks in bedroom mirrors,
for owls, magpies - among nests of unfamiliar
I churlishly spread my coquettish legs
seducing any passing stranger’s death.
To be touched - trembled by fi...
Sunday 8th May 2016 7:10 pm
Barefoot she walks along the beach
Retracing lost memories in ripples of sand
The murmur of the surf plays in her ears like muffled
notes bowed on a cello
the sun drips down behind
the cobalt waves casting shadows to equal those of
her longest night
Hushed colours paint her skin in hues of poignancy,
her heart beats in rhythm with the tide as she glides
through the surf
Tuesday 3rd May 2016 10:10 am
They say that the worst kind of grieving
is when the lost antagonist is still alive,
whether sudden as a spring swallow’s dive
or a slow wintered bewilderment in the leaving.
Buried, burnt or butchered cruelly out of heart
that did endure with vexation and veneration,
fear of being alone or guilt of being causation
of their final yield to the wind that blows love apart.
Sunday 1st May 2016 5:19 pm
a muttering crowd gathers
'round a well of human tears
they lower dirt-sodden buckets to recover
the wet product of night terrors,
tumult and nascent fear
an ejaculate shower glistens
on the dead leaves and automobiles
while nature howls
then hunkers down in silence
posturing for the next kill
Friday 29th April 2016 1:36 am
When your in my dreams it's bitter sweet.
I can see your smile
Hear your voice
Feel your touch
Taste your kiss
Smell your skin
But when my eyes open your gone again.
Tuesday 26th April 2016 12:38 am
I miss you the most on Friday and Saturday nights
Whether you were here with me or on the phone
When we would be settling down for the night
Making plans for the weekend
Now all I have are horrible thoughts and images running through my head
Tuesday 26th April 2016 12:36 am
Day after day the shards of my broken heart cut deeper and deeper, searching for the piece of my soul that no longer inhabits my body.
Tuesday 26th April 2016 12:34 am
Everyday it gets more and more real.
When I see your name on our son's emergency contact list
When I want to message you about something dumb someone said at work so we can laugh
When I can't reach for the phone to call you
When I pass by one of our spots
Everyday is lonely
Everyday is miserable
Everyday I lose you all over again.
Tuesday 26th April 2016 12:31 am
I will crave your touch until we meet again.
All I can do now is close my eyes and hope to dream of you.
Tuesday 26th April 2016 12:27 am
It gets harder and harder each day.
It's constant sadness, loneliness, heartbreak, confusion, anger and what if's.
It literally hurts.
It never stops.
So much of me went with you.
Tuesday 26th April 2016 12:18 am
What do you do when such a huge part of your EVERYDAY life is just gone? A complete void that appeared instantly overnight.
You have shoes here, a toothbrush, clothes that I've slept in almost every night for the past 2 years, tons of toys/games you bought our son, things you bought me, your #1 on my speed dial, your profile on Netflix, our cat Spooks that you named, everything is still here......
Tuesday 26th April 2016 12:15 am
Here I am
Empty when I should be full
I won't be sitting here, when the blood begins to pool
My body's getting colder now
I'm tipping over the stool
In this moment I'm not shy
Suppose it's time to say goodbye
Hope to see you in another life
Weathered friend of mine
Monday 25th April 2016 5:43 am
The day that she was told that she would die
she did a big shop for the family
and made the kitchen smell of baking bread.
she labled and then ladled into pots
then all went in a freezer fit to burst-
as meals that they could eat when she was gone.
Then, going up into the children’s rooms
she took some time to sit upon each bed
and chancing on a scattered shirt or top
she held them close ...
Saturday 16th April 2016 4:09 pm
The moth, she knows the flame will burn
But back again, again she comes,
Her velvet collisions dress the air,
Sparkling against these tempting embers
Where she throws herself over and over
Upon the most flickering of fascinations,
Such senseless self-immolation
Strips her to a carapace,
Leaving her scorched, naked, undressed, undone,
Beneath the tragic unravelling of her world.
Friday 8th April 2016 10:10 am
No matter where your hatred stems
Or where you spread your lies,
Beneath your feet the earth condemns
These lands you terrorise.
No matter where your hideouts hide
Or where your burrows bore,
Pointless is your suicide;
Baseless is your law.
No matter where your masses chant
Or where your fighters flock,
Immaterial is your rant -
Unnoticed is your shock.
No matter where you instill fear
Or where you...
Wednesday 23rd March 2016 9:22 am
Blow me up
Blast me against the wall
Burst me with bombs and guns into a thousand pieces
Shoot me down dead
With bullets to the head
And while my blood runs into the sand
Just think for a moment
That you could have shook my hand
Fired words at me
Instead of bombs.
You could have screamed at me if you wanted,
Shouted, screeched and yelled.
Tuesday 22nd March 2016 12:29 pm
These horror corridors, erratic,
Aged in oil, no known schematic,
Contorted without end or start,
Between the stars that ripped apart.
From out of darkness, darkness falls,
Creeps lattice floors and barren walls.
She, calculated, cruel and coarse;
No fear, no pity, care, remorse.
Past leaking pipes and daggered halls,
As bleating screens scream warning calls,
These rusted vents here warp and weep
Saturday 5th March 2016 10:06 pm
You and I met at the most unfortunate time:
Shrieks of bodies being torn apart
Filled my ears as I looked into your eyes -
Earthy hazel, a grounding, on which I could rely.
Hell was bearing down on us, and yet I
Did not cry; we emerged, intact, but apart,
And for the moment, swallowed the lie.
Years of companionship spent in uniform stride
Into wanton ruin where only ...
Thursday 3rd March 2016 5:55 pm
Eyes snapped shut in the street-facing bedroom
lit up by the light of the Spar
that floods it's white plastic windows
illuminating each passing car
In her curled up hands a faded old photo
but the hands,once so gentle,that hold this mementoe,
are as cold,are as granite, as stone
In came Sister with a meagre tea tray
Sunday 31st January 2016 6:01 pm
A Tribute to Paul Murphy
who died today - my friend & inspiration
Farewell my friend
For now you're gone
To sing your words
With angles strong
With top hats raised
We say so long
You Ranter, Raver
And Poet of song
Go give God a good rant!
RIP you nutter xxx
Friday 29th January 2016 7:36 pm
(This is a re-post of a series of five interconnecting poems, previously blogged as separate poems. The death of my mother last year was preceded by hearing the tone poem Finlandia, by Jean Sibelius, on the radio, and it so completely described how I was feeling that it took me over, and informs the whole series.
As a big nod to Sibelius, I decided to use a loosely-based symphonic structure, so...
Tuesday 26th January 2016 2:32 pm