Nicola Beckett on BANANAS
1 hour ago
I was better off feeling dead
Than feeling alive.
I was better off feeling low
Than on this false height.
I was better afraid of the dark
Than afraid to open my eyes.
I was better afraid of cutting myself
Than scared to survive.
Friday 28th May 2021 9:05 am
My mind is screaming for this pain to stop.
You say I am cold, but I am burning up
There is so much noise I'm surprised you can't hear.
It is creeping through my skin.
Dripping, with the sweat, from my hair.
How can I think of anything else?
The mind reels to this deafening pulse.
And I am near to breaking.
Thinking of taking the quickest way out,
And then you say I should stop...
Saturday 15th May 2021 10:13 am
If you are going to kill yourself
Someone is going to find you.
Do you want that?
You are trying to die, I might wish you success,
But for what?
So you don't like it how it is,
Do you think anyone does?
But it is better to change, than destroy...
Oh my god, I can't carry on like this.
Not each day the same same thing!
You want me to wait,
Monday 10th May 2021 8:20 am
Got that Bob Marley “every little thing” playing in my head.
Whilst thinking about all those whose belittled me, replaying what they said.
My emotions wreaking havoc, and it’s starting to spread.
Infected with anxiety whilst living in this dread.
Feeling like the only cure is the liberation of being dead.
Saturday 6th March 2021 1:59 pm
Loving you hurts
There are mornings I wake up, wondering if you survived the night
Hoping and praying that you didn't hurt yourself
Knowing that you probably
I worry I don't do enough
That I don't tell how much you mean to me enough
Waking up crying because I dreamt you had died
And it felt so real
If I could do anything to make stop your pain I would
But I'm p...
Thursday 30th August 2018 9:41 pm
5th grade was my downfall
Anxiety coupled with A.D.D
Made for the perfect broken marriage.
6th grade was calm.
I had everything under control
And I was taking medication
But 7th grade was morbid.
One only the devil could produce,
Had arrived with the diseased name
8th grade was the year Depression made friends
Wednesday 13th April 2016 4:30 pm