5th grade was my downfall

Anxiety coupled with A.D.D

Made for the perfect broken marriage.

 

6th grade was calm.

I had everything under control

And I was taking medication

 

But 7th grade was morbid.

A child,

One only the devil could produce,

Had arrived with the diseased name

Of Depression.

 

8th grade was the year Depression made friends

Suicidal Thoughts,

Stress,

Social Anxiety,

Paranoia,

Mania,

And the worst friend

Could only be my mind.

Depression and my mind became best friends

My mind’s happiness was fading

Being over run with Depression’s idea of happy.

Before I knew it,

My mind was no longer mine

But “my” mind was Depression’s.

A corrupt image of what she wanted.

I lost control.

 

9th grade was Depression showing her true, grotesque form.

Who was once my best friend,

Someone I told everything to,

Became my worst enemy,

Someone I can never avoid.

Depression would whisper to me.

“You’re worthless.”

“You’re pathetic”

“How hopeless”

“What a sad, lonely human you are”

With a voice so soft and sweet,

You would never think her words would be knives,

Stabbing the very essence of your soul.

Slow and agonizing pain was all I could feel.

Days grew longer,

But nights were never long enough.

Mania and Depression soon controlled my mind

Equally.

Filled with madness and distress

I would do nothing.

 

9th grade also comes with

My highs and my lows.

Mostly lows as Depression stops by often

Asking to hang out with my mind.

 My mind is too forgiving

And always accepts Depression’s proposals

Leaving me numb and apathetic.

My highs are minimal

And are mainly mediums

At best.

 

My highs are the peaks of mountains

The ones you finally finish climbing.

But my lows are the sudden drops.

Causing you to plummet onto jagged rocks

Just to start climbing

Again and again

In a never ending cycle of Depression’s game.

 

The sad fact is that 10th grade won't be better.

My life has become a drop slide

The ride is fast and terrifying as you wait for the

Sudden drop.

Drop in tone,

Drop in grades,

Drop in mood,

Drop in time outside my room,

Drop in hours spent with friends.

“Drop everything and just fall”

Iconic words that Depression would say

Right before my breakdowns.

 

I wish I could just fall

And for once not get up

To climb again and again,

But to lay down and sleep

Just for a little bit

Just for a second of

Peace.