Have you ever used a bidet
For washing feet or bits?
Or played a round of croquet
Had high tea at the Ritz?
Are you good with 12 bore shotguns
When on a peasant shoot?
Is your name too double barrelled
Are your family full of loot?
Have you eaten oysters, caviar
Or used a butter knife?
Do you know what canapes are
Are Defenders on your drive?...
Monday 27th June 2022 11:34 am
A small yellow stitch against green and black,
Secret inspiration, strength in the mud,
Anguish and poverty dragging us down,
A relentless and cold North-England town,
Days upon days of unrest and ill ease,
Scratching for sunshine, empathy, fun,
Uniforms hang or squeeze, they don’t fit,
Seven clear months ‘til a government cheque,
Anger, bad attitude, untold frustrations...
Saturday 6th February 2021 8:53 am
Boredom slowly creeps upon me,
Like a fog on top a hill.
My eyes start glazing over,
My brain is standing still.
I’m trying to take notice,
Of the message being said,
But it all just sounds like noise to me,
Facts won’t stay in my head.
If only I could listen,
For just a minute more,
Yet concentration eludes me,
I’m thinking of the door.
I can see the mouth is m...
Saturday 15th October 2016 11:48 am
Have you ever met a "Schemie Burd"
From the south side of the city
Where social housing's at it's worst
And life is pretty shitty.
Her attitude is hardened
By the things she's seen and done
Like a 'favour' for a taxi fare
Turning tricks for half a ton.
People take a second glance
When they pass her in the street
You can see she was a looker, once
Wednesday 18th June 2014 3:11 pm
The Old School Tie
It’s very smart In blue silk,
with snazzy turquoise stripes.
When daddy gave it to me
my first words were “blimey!, cripes!”
I couldn’t wait to get it
around my scrawny throat,
it went so well with all my gear
especially the tail coat.
It made my chin more obvious,
I hadn’t known I had one.
It made the fags subservient
to get done what should be done.
It made me...
Tuesday 7th January 2014 7:39 pm
A silence fell upon the city,
contorted shadows twisting moonlight.
Stuttering in a speakeasy seemed so misplaced
bottles rattled flickering like Fedora feathers
in an unforgiving wind.
The wretched odour of deprivation
a stench that sticks and degrades ones existence.
Even by day this city remains a lifeless sap
and by night the vampires feast on th...
Tuesday 9th April 2013 4:44 pm