Hi Isobel. Thanks for the comment on Femme Fatale.I've never read it out at the Tudor - only just wrote it but you gave me the idea some time ago.CheersPS I liked your Yeung Sing Hotel poem.I think I've stayed in one like that.Dave
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
<Deleted User> (7212)
Wed 25th May 2011 16:34
Tribalism 1, Football 0
Comment is about Manchester United 0 Barcelona 2 (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
This opens up a whole new world of possibilities... If you really fancy someone you don't stand a chance with, you can stand close to them and immerse yourself in their dead skin cells instead - lovely...like the ideas in this poem. x
Comment is about Atoms get around (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Your Ian Allan was your bible. You entered up new spots back at home from your jotter, with carefully ruled underlines. I got my first one in 1963 - it cost me 11/6.
Comment is about Trainspotting (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
AE
Re Fergie - it goes down well at Anfield though
Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
Wed 25th May 2011 10:50
Wed 25th May 2011 10:46
no- this is a first posting :o)
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
You'd better go to work on a poem called Ode to a Banana now. And shape it like an egg!
Comment is about ode to a egg (blog)
Original item by John Embley
got it in one Isobel- :o)
Comment is about Did you brush it from your hair? (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Don't cut it Ann. Can I send you an email with some observations?
Comment is about from a distance (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Hi Dave,
You're right, I did have some of you - but I coughed it up and spat it out! :)
Scary idea - well expressed.
Regards,
A.E.
Comment is about Atoms get around (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
No - it's not naughty Cynthia - you are right and you are also the second person to pick me up on that.
I've just been brought up by a Victorian mother and have a school boy sense of humour so struggle to talk about the intimacies of sex - have never managed to write about them. Alan's poem is wonderful because he manages to write about it without sounding smutty or corny.
Orgasms rule - every man and woman should have them - multiple if possible!
Comment is about Orgasm (a sonnet) (blog)
Original item by Alan Morrison
thanks as always cynth, for ur very kind words and constructive critisizm. theyre always welcome and appreciated.
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Thanks chaps. Poem wrote itself I guess. I did edit a few bits and pieces out. Then found some clues that give it a bit of meaning (for me) though still keeping it enigmatic. I was going to say "leaning into the wind" but "leant to the wind" I like; it sounds like you could mean the person was lent to the wind, their spirit maybe, or ashes. We are only lent to each other after all. Message in the bottle could refer to trying drinking as a refuge too.
Comment is about from a distance (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
@Cynthia: I went there. I hadn't seen that one before. Yes. The same horn. Absolutely. Makes me go weak at the knees. I commented accordingly.
Comment is about Orgasm (a sonnet) (blog)
Original item by Alan Morrison
Nice one. I get it. I totally get it. Spaced-out post-coital chat where nothing really needs saying. She always knows that - feels that - more than he ;-) but often guys (both amazed and dazed) blurt out something somewhat crazed). Her face: seraphic. Yesss. Perfect. (Oh, how I love those moments - long for them - live for them!)
Comment is about the perfect word (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Alan, check out my poem 'the perfect word' (not too far back) and read it in the sense of sex; in that regard we are tooting the same horn.
Comment is about Orgasm (a sonnet) (blog)
Original item by Alan Morrison
Indeed, Cynthia. (Although I think Isobel was being a tad ironic with the word "naughty" :-) Would you care to expand on your comment (only if you want to?) I like where you were going with it; and I believe that poetry should stimulate thought processes and even discussion...
Comment is about Orgasm (a sonnet) (blog)
Original item by Alan Morrison
It's not naughty! It expresses insight into a relationship which far exceeds mere coitus.
Comment is about Orgasm (a sonnet) (blog)
Original item by Alan Morrison
What we all need is an orgasmatron - do you remember that old Woody Allen film? Then we wouldn't need to worry about whether our relationships are cemented or not....
Only joking of course! This is a naughty poem - got me thinking about all kinds of things unrelated to the weekly shop. x
Comment is about Orgasm (a sonnet) (blog)
Original item by Alan Morrison
@Dave: Thanks for the kind comment. I'm glad it "doesn't fail". Erectile dysfunction would make a sad poem indeed! :-)
@Isobel: Hehehe! Only a poet could put Asda and orgasm in the same context! I love it. And I know exactly what you mean. Makes Asda worthwhile. The fleetingness to which I was referring is the intensity of the orgasm and hugely loving afterwaves. Impossible to capture and hold at that level - although the spin-off effects live on and even cement a relationship.
Comment is about Orgasm (a sonnet) (blog)
Original item by Alan Morrison
It's lovely Alan. Orgasms are wonderful things but you've hit the nail on the head with the emotions felt afterwards - the joy, the feelings of love for that partner, I guess. Whether it is 'fleeting bliss' I suppose depends on the relationship - but certainly the intense feeling of it is. You just can't feel the same traipsing round Asda together.
Comment is about Orgasm (a sonnet) (blog)
Original item by Alan Morrison
Tee hee - the comment you left on my profile made me really chuckle. The date did seem a bit odd but I wasn't confident enough to have ever question it LOL. You are right in what you say about religion/faith also... x
Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
I agree with Banksy ... that when you're writing on this theme you produce, perhaps not surprisingly, some of your most powerful work. The short lines are really effective; you're not told too much. You may want to play around with it; I wouldn't necessarily change anything. And I love the idea of a message in a bottle.
Comment is about from a distance (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
wow, kealan.. top banana all round m8.. this is top, top stuff... love in particular the last two stanzas - would love to hear you perform this sometime also
Comment is about Thought Mutation (blog)
Original item by Kealan Coady
cynthia raises a good point there, ann, i do agree but i wouldn't scrap those two stanzas... perhaps build them into a different piece as they are all lovely.. enjoyed reading this a lot x
Comment is about from a distance (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
some excellent stuff in this, Kath...
I particularly like 'A constant unravelling in myself / too long to wind up again' but for me the piece is perfectly pitched and made me wish i'd wrote it.
surprised you've never been seriously tempted to perform when you have stuff like this.
hope you are good otherwise.. i'm hoping to get my first new piece up soon for ages and have a few to follow straight after xx
Comment is about Crying out (blog)
Original item by Kath Hewitt
hi thank you all: @CBT- no Cynthia I have never published this work. :o)
Comment is about War-chest (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
<Deleted User> (4235)
Tue 24th May 2011 00:24
Thank you, Ann. :)
Thanks, Cynthia. It's a bad habit of mine to start sentences with And, but I'm slowly breaking out of that. Thanks for the advice. :)
Comment is about Gone Gray (blog)
You'll probably get some 'interesting' comments on this Alan, but it's actually a very fine poem. It's ambitious and doesn't fail.
Comment is about Orgasm (a sonnet) (blog)
Original item by Alan Morrison
<Deleted User> (7212)
Mon 23rd May 2011 18:21
ditto - great poem
Comment is about Untitled (blog)
<Deleted User> (7212)
Mon 23rd May 2011 18:16
you've nailed it Cyn - for example, is Nelson Mandela a statesman or a terrorist ?
depends on who's asking the question & when.
justice is a very elastic concept & in a full analysis there are no such things as "rights" (eg human rights)
well done. B
Comment is about the great fallacy (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
<Deleted User> (7212)
Mon 23rd May 2011 18:03
I once read that every time you inhale, you breath in 18 molecules that Napoloen once exhaled (it does vary from individual to individual, if you think it through, but I've never done the maths).
aaah, just think, I've probably breathed in Jennifer Lopez's farts & never noticed :)
Comment is about Atoms get around (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
<Deleted User> (7212)
Mon 23rd May 2011 17:56
I dont know what it is about you - the ones of yours that I'm going to like I nearly always like from the first line or two (like this one) - maybe it's because of the concept behind the story you are telling rather than the specific words - it's a neat & spooky/lonely/longing idea superbly executed - only verse 3 maybe needs a little work, but it'll be well worth the effort for such a poem... best I've read on here in ages.
Comment is about from a distance (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
I really like the musical imagery in your poem.
Comment is about Gone Gray (blog)
I think you are maybe right Cynthia. But I think maybe it needs another verse if I cut those two. I'll have a think! (And thanks Dave as well.)
Comment is about from a distance (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
For me, the first verse says it all, a very quotable four lines.
Comment is about The riot of spring (blog)
Original item by Dali
Quite an engaging lament, with some provocative imagery. IMO, perhaps you might tighten it up by scuttling words that just don't need to be here, like 'down' (rain falls only down, where else?) and nearly all the 'and's'. Do you really need sentences with verbs? Repetition should serve a strong purpose and 'worrying' repeated is a tripper instead of a pusher on to the next idea. The final four lines are really lovely.
Comment is about Gone Gray (blog)
Posting like this will not endear you to readers, C Byrne, which is too bad because much of this work is quite interesting. Perhaps you meant to put this collection in the Samples part of your Profile, and you just got mixed up. They would be excellent there. Readers often go to that section to follow up a writer if a poem or two has really interested them. In this arena it is 'socially' understood that only one poem goes in at a time, especially if you would enjoy some feedback. You can catch me on my Profile if you have any questions, or annoyances.
Comment is about Moare Older Poems (1984-2002ish) (blog)
You had this up before, yes? I don't see any difference if I remember it correctly. It's really good. IMO, I would take out 'the' to move the line faster with more punch.
Comment is about War-chest (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
An excellent Heads Up! little poem, Dave. Goodness knows how you selected your list. Clever play on words in your title. I was listening to a radio commentary on this very subject lately, and laughed aloud, more in line with Ann's comment than anything else. But it gave me cause to pause because I'm always in awe of other animals and their individual physical powers. We humans should be so lucky! We have a lot to learn, and to emulate when we can.
Comment is about Atoms get around (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Wow, mate, one of your best; it is terrific! 'Must' is dry and 'mould' is damp, isn't it? And 'must' does relate to 'dry silence'. Still - a thought - since the 'long o' sound picks up both 'boredom' and 'echoes' and runs through the whole poem. I only mention this, since I didn't immediately get 'must'; but it only took a moment to realize, and it is a great word.
Comment is about Thought Mutation (blog)
Original item by Kealan Coady
Dave Carr
Wed 25th May 2011 17:18
Thanks for comments Elaine.
I haven't read Femme Fatale.
Perhaps next time I'm in the French quarter of Wigan...
Comment is about Elaine (poet profile)
Original item by Elaine