he raised himself
to see her face
you look – seraphic -
he said
she could not yet speak
she knew
the word was perfect
- gods and angels -
and still
the word whispers
through her mind
still
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Hi Cynthia,
Enjoyed the brevity and concision (your hallmark) of this. I've been pondering over it a while - hence the delay in commenting. I think the final "still" is indispensible for its duality. Put me in mind of Lionel Ritchie's song in its use. The only line I might quibble with is:
- gods and angels -
as I feel it may be unnecessary. But hey, I know diddly-squat. Nonetheless, I did enjoy the ponder!
Regards,
A.E.
An enigmatic, perfect moment in time you have captured here. xxx
Intriguing. Teases differently on each reading.
Thanks for commenting on No Point; Point, Cynthia. You really are one of the best commenters on WOL
<Deleted User> (7212)
Fri 18th Mar 2011 08:16
one of my favourite poems is The Perfect Word by Hugo Williams - just thought I'd let ya know :)
<Deleted User> (7164)
Thu 17th Mar 2011 13:00
Excellent Cynthia :-)
Excellent in its brevity. I don't understand the "gods" part, seraph angels okay, but gods?
Perhaps lose the final "still" for a more haunted finish.
This reminds me of the beginning of the Gospel of John, which I think is mindblowingly good, and have been meaning to write something about.
Interesting layout. Is it biblically related, by any chance?
Philipos
Wed 16th Mar 2011 10:38
Wow - powerful in all its brevity - I can well imagine how a word that would stick in the mind x
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Alan Morrison
Tue 24th May 2011 14:17
Nice one. I get it. I totally get it. Spaced-out post-coital chat where nothing really needs saying. She always knows that - feels that - more than he ;-) but often guys (both amazed and dazed) blurt out something somewhat crazed). Her face: seraphic. Yesss. Perfect. (Oh, how I love those moments - long for them - live for them!)