Ann Foxglove

from a distance

by Ann Foxglove

Tuesday 24th May 2011 2:05 pm (first posted Monday 23rd May 2011 12:26 pm)

I thought I saw you on the hill.

A silhouette

leant to the wind.

Walking the November road

in slanting rain

thought it was you

but I was wrong again.

That message

in a bottle.

Who was it from?

Thought it looked familiar

yet the handwriting was changed.

Voice in the darkness,

hushed tones.

It sounded like you.

But the words were in a language

that neither of us knows.

It’s always from a distance.

I can never make you out.

I peer, screw up my eyes

or the sun blinds and

I can never see.

Who could it be?

I always think it’s you.

But it never is.

And that’s all I know

that’s true.

◄ fascinators

midnight ►

Comments

Amy Houston

Tue 21st Jun 2011 19:13

Beautiful and very moving writing.

<Deleted User> (8730)

Thu 26th May 2011 10:02

I was born in November

Lynn Dye

Wed 25th May 2011 22:13

Love this, Ann, very poignant. xx

Ann Foxglove

Wed 25th May 2011 17:27

Thanks! :)

Graham Sherwood

Tue 24th May 2011 22:24

Don't cut it Ann. Can I send you an email with some observations?

Ann Foxglove

Tue 24th May 2011 15:16

Thanks chaps. Poem wrote itself I guess. I did edit a few bits and pieces out. Then found some clues that give it a bit of meaning (for me) though still keeping it enigmatic. I was going to say "leaning into the wind" but "leant to the wind" I like; it sounds like you could mean the person was lent to the wind, their spirit maybe, or ashes. We are only lent to each other after all. Message in the bottle could refer to trying drinking as a refuge too.

Greg Freeman

Tue 24th May 2011 08:19

I agree with Banksy ... that when you're writing on this theme you produce, perhaps not surprisingly, some of your most powerful work. The short lines are really effective; you're not told too much. You may want to play around with it; I wouldn't necessarily change anything. And I love the idea of a message in a bottle.

Andy N

Tue 24th May 2011 08:07

cynthia raises a good point there, ann, i do agree but i wouldn't scrap those two stanzas... perhaps build them into a different piece as they are all lovely.. enjoyed reading this a lot x

<Deleted User> (7212)

Mon 23rd May 2011 17:56

I dont know what it is about you - the ones of yours that I'm going to like I nearly always like from the first line or two (like this one) - maybe it's because of the concept behind the story you are telling rather than the specific words - it's a neat & spooky/lonely/longing idea superbly executed - only verse 3 maybe needs a little work, but it'll be well worth the effort for such a poem... best I've read on here in ages.

Ann Foxglove

Mon 23rd May 2011 16:35

I think you are maybe right Cynthia. But I think maybe it needs another verse if I cut those two. I'll have a think! (And thanks Dave as well.)

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 23rd May 2011 15:22

Ann, I agree with Dave. I do make an extra comment though: I find the mood and setting so evocative from the physical 'distance' idea, with the supporting imagery of the first two and final two stanzas, that I would leave out the 'message in a bottle' and 'talking in hushed tones' verses. For me, the sympathetic power given to the one idea is even greater. The title is excellent.

Dave Bradley

Mon 23rd May 2011 13:29

You use language and pace here really effectively, Ann, to communicate wistfulness and longing, the strength of which is only hinted at. There is a power to understatement - something you clearly understand well.

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