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Gone Gray

Soft rain falls down,
echo of tears
I can no longer cry.
My heart is broken.
My soul is drifting
across the beauty
of an acoustic guitar,
and lyrics beg to sweep me away.
But I’m here.
I’m here,
holding my heart,
and worrying,
worrying about the future
that may come.
Will my dreams give me light again?
Will hope take my hand?
The music plays on,
and rain falls down.
And I’m still here,
drifting across melody,
a stained-glass window
that paints away
a world gone gray.

Gone Gray
by, Melissa R. Mendelson

◄ Blind Alley

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Comments

<Deleted User> (4235)

Tue 24th May 2011 00:24

Thank you, Ann. :)

Thanks, Cynthia. It's a bad habit of mine to start sentences with And, but I'm slowly breaking out of that. Thanks for the advice. :)

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 23rd May 2011 16:37

I really like the musical imagery in your poem.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 23rd May 2011 16:27

Quite an engaging lament, with some provocative imagery. IMO, perhaps you might tighten it up by scuttling words that just don't need to be here, like 'down' (rain falls only down, where else?) and nearly all the 'and's'. Do you really need sentences with verbs? Repetition should serve a strong purpose and 'worrying' repeated is a tripper instead of a pusher on to the next idea. The final four lines are really lovely.

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