Very realistic Larisa, makes you think.I like it.
Mike
Comment is about WHY? (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
<Deleted User> (4346)
Tue 24th Jan 2012 23:15
Hi Cynthia,
Many thanks for your comments. I was hoping it would be slightly longer, but the other lines I wrote really didn't work, so kept it short.
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
I don't comment if I don't like. I love this. It really speaks to me. This is one I want to keep with me.
Comment is about Afraid As The Past (blog)
Original item by Kealan Coady
Indeed there are many hard working Asian people in Oldham and other towns, some are wealthy. And the there are a few who are young and do illegal things and come by wealth, in an illegal way. The legal ones will out number the illegal ones in this town or any other and people of all backgrounds and races do legal(having a job) and illegal(drug dealing) things. The word chav was used by myself to hi light a certain type of person, not working, on the edge of society, maybe involved in petty crime, not bothered about the future. To use another term or to describe them by this last sentence would take the edge of that part of the poem. Chav term fits this work in my view. I was thinking about my town in a negative way(not stereotyping tho) to do this poem. In time a positive opposite 1 will follow, as and when i do it.
Comment is about CRAP TOWN (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
Hi Cynthia Thanks for kind comms on my Ali poem. He's a great man! I did the poem ages ago, but thought it was nice to post it for his 70th birthday.
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Hi Nick
Some funny lines in here,but a bit muddled in places. Possibly needs a partial re-write to sharpen up what is more like a narrative.I can definetely see that most of us can identify traits in our individual towns that might want us to label them as 'crap towns',but,overall,I'm sure even Oldham has positive aspects to it,as does my hometown of Wigan!! Haha!(Isobel,I'm pretty sure your hometown is mine also. "I now live in a crap town too"?!What were you thinking to write such a thing? x)
Comment is about CRAP TOWN (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
I suppose street language moves on so fast that sometimes it's hard to keep up with what it means to different people. I don't find the term Chav offensive because my kids use it a lot - often as a reference to the shitty kids at school that give them grief - the ones they feel scared of.
I like my poetry to appeal to people from every different background. I like to think that whether my audience comprises black, white, Asian, whatever - they will all laugh along with me. There is a danger in isolating races or drawing stereotypes within races. It makes your poetry non inclusive. It also takes the focus of your poetry away from humour because a good proportion of your audience will immediately become uncomfortable with the content.
There may well be a lot of Asian men driving BMWs in Oldham. I don't know - I've never been there. If that's the case I would suggest it's because Asian people work hard, many in family businesses with long hours. They have great respect for family and borrow from each other rather than banks so don't pay the same level of interest. They also have a great respect for the value of education. I don't like having to explain my reasoning like this - it sounds patronising and stereotypical. I'm just showing you a different perspective.
High lighting Asian wealth in your poem makes you sound a little bitter and envious. If you were looking to write a funny rant, it definitely detracts.
Comment is about CRAP TOWN (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
The term Asian is not racist but used to describe Asian youths. I could have used the well know racist term we all know but chose not to for decency. Chav is not offensive in my view. Dont read my next poem lol Laura. Each word has a meaning but people see that meaning differently, you may see chav as offensive. Myself i dont. And yes Anthony, i relocated in the south for a few years a bit ago. Always end up back north tho in my hometown lol. Think its time to move again lol. 1 day i will write a nice poem about my town. Watch this space...
Comment is about CRAP TOWN (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
Should be a great night!
Comment is about ThePoetry Spoke Open Mic January- Guests Joy France- Dave Gilbey (blog)
Original item by Chris Co
Cheers Laura and Isobel :) The link to the Studio Salford website should take you right through to where you can buy tickets (or you can pick up them up from the door on the night, but its safer to get in advance so you know you got 'em) If there are any worries with the link just give us a shout :D
Comment is about Gerry Potter interviewed by Dominic Berry about 'THE MEN POMES' (blog)
Original item by Dominic Berry
Cheers for your note on I Can Try chuck, appreciated :)
Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
Thanks for your note on I can Try Cynthia, appreciate it. You're right, it doesn't mean forgive, necessarily, as that may well be impossible in some circumstances, and the trying is hard enough in the first place. Thanks :)
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Hi JC - "Enjambment" sounds like a good title for a poem about the capital's traffic!
Thanks for the comment. Love the place, hate
the people :-) (well, some...)
Comment is about MY LONDON (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Thanks, Mike, Greg, Win.At least one other person has said it seems like several poems so there must be something in that, Greg.
I wish it were more cathartic. We had a young bloke in the Mental Health place where I worked.I got on well with him. He felt he was an evil person. I asked him what he'd done that was evil. He replied that he'd cut in front of an old man on a bike, and made a mildly disparaging remark about a friend's weight gain. That was it - and I made some remark trivialising his "offences". He hung himself a few days later.
Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)
Ooo I like this. Love the intertwining of the ideas and the classical figures/stories. Good one.
Comment is about Cupid and Psyche (blog)
Original item by Christopher Dawson
Sounds fascinating
Comment is about Gerry Potter interviewed by Dominic Berry about 'THE MEN POMES' (blog)
Original item by Dominic Berry
What an interesting idea and piece. Really like this
Comment is about Sound Translations (blog)
Original item by Kealan Coady
Would agree with Isobel that you should keep race out of this, as it's verging on the offensive. I myself find the use of the word 'chav' offensive, as it goes.
Do you ever look deeper than the surface, Nick? You might be surprised if one day you ever try.
Comment is about CRAP TOWN (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
The trouble with removal firms Anthony (and I can talk from experience) - is that they take along all your old crap with you. It doesn't matter where you live, it's all about perspective.
I now live in a crap town too - dodge the dogshit on my way to and from work/school. I've never been happier though!
I think this would make a funny performance rant - though I think you are better to keep racial differences out of it.
Comment is about CRAP TOWN (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
So that would be a show about men then?
Put me down for a ticket - I have a great interest in the opposite sex - and I'd love to see/hear just how they evaluate themselves :)
Comment is about Gerry Potter interviewed by Dominic Berry about 'THE MEN POMES' (blog)
Original item by Dominic Berry
And you've never considered relocating?
http://www.freefoto.com/images/21/60/21_60_55---HNF716-Bedford-MLZ-Pantechnicon-Pickfords-Removals-Van_web.jpg
Comment is about CRAP TOWN (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
Knew I'd read you before. I was looking at your new web site yesterday. Good stuff too.
Glyn
Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)
Original item by Winston Plowes
Loved this captured moment. I only really remember one enjoyable new years moment when I felt my daughter kick in her mums belly as the bongs went off. And it was the milenium. I have hid for some of the most recent ones
Comment is about New Year (blog)
Original item by Glyn Pope
Thank you for reading my poem. I didn't think anyone would bother. I'm learning how to take the time myself to read other people's work. That is the way to learn. We have a lot in common. I feel honoured to have been alive at the same time as Picasso. A true genius. Less relevant my love of music is as broad as it is wide. And conversation if you're going to bother has to be stimulating. If you're not doing anything early September then we have a Literary Festival here in France. Ask away if you need further details. Best wishes Glyn
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Thank you to you all for bothering to comment. I love Cynthia's though - not because it says brilliant! - but the 'catching a mood like flat champagne in a bowl glass'
Glyn
Comment is about New Year (blog)
Original item by Glyn Pope
Need a breather after this one Ray, So much to get from it as you explore. Win
Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)
Hi Mike,
Got a very empty desperate feeling from this. And we have both contributed something on a 'space' theme. Is there a connection I wonder? I liked the device you used to count to ten in the climax of your piece.
Keep well (inside and out)
Win
Comment is about 10 Reasons for Nothing (blog)
Original item by Noetic-fret!
The dream world is amazing, isn't it? Some dreams I can analyze realistically, with a bit of a mental recap of the previous hours or days, but others slip through. The human mind is the scariest thing I know - all else pales - the untapped, unleashed power of it!
Comment is about Fate Modern (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Anthony,
Thanks for looking at my space lines
I liked that muscle line for the relationship between rustle/muscle and then over/other but it is a very strange image. Maybe your muscles feel differently in zero G.
win
Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
One of your best, Dave, a character sketch that implies a saga. I like best the uncertainty of 'Dorothy' - cat, dog, pillow, photo, ghost? For me, the realism of the declining situation implies fantasy in its resolution. I find it well-crafted diction-wise, and would suggest only the removal of all punctuation, to let the reader sink or swim with your thoughts.
Comment is about This will do (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Hello Mike - my thanks to you for commenting on 'Call Out' - glad you enjoyed it :) Best wishes, Dave
Comment is about Noetic-fret! (poet profile)
Original item by Noetic-fret!
This is raw, very common, and damning.
Comment is about Don't cry: Etta James (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
I always like your mind, Ms Oxley. The last stanza is very Miss Haversham - deliberate soul-destruction.
Your personal photo is fab.
Comment is about dead daffodils (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Brilliant, catching a mood like flat champagne in a bowl glass.
Comment is about New Year (blog)
Original item by Glyn Pope
I really like this; reads like a squash exercise, the ball rapid fire bamming against the wall, with style. I did wonder at the casual 'take a life' between 'break a figurine' and 'go out without an umbrella', but it is eye-opening. IMO, this is an original 'list poem'.
Consider sorting out your use of capitals, so that your intent is clear. Maybe 'Act' needs full capitals, like a strong order.
Comment is about God is looking for action (blog)
Original item by Emma-Jane Stradling
Hi John, I've got a plant just like that and it's been climbing all over me for years!
Mike
Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)
Original item by John Coopey
Admirable and rich. But I felt there was almost too much here, Ray, that it could actually break down into three separate poems - the first stanza, then the next three, then the last one. I just envy your level of creativity!
Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)
Thank you for the comments folks! This sort of stemmed from a dream I had - they are either just plain stupid dreams or scary apocalyptic ones.
Thank you for your words Cynthia. The painting is just for my profile and because I love it but... I wonder...
I do mean 'bear'. Thank you for pointing that out and will change it! x
Comment is about Fate Modern (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Thanks very much for your comments, chaps. Will take up most of your suggestions, Ray, and ta for them, although maybe not the Barga verse. I think I'm looking for a certain awkwardness of rhythm at times. Yes, John, it's been a while.
Comment is about Rooftops (for Bruno Cordati) (blog)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hi Win, believe it or not, i have the very same book. It is my favourite all time book and has been in my possession ever since my days in the army. (i think i bought it about 1989). I used to belong to the Encounters book club, alas, i can find no trace of that book club nowadays. I have viewed it that much, and it has travelled far, so much to say, it is in tatty condition now lol. But yes, such an awe inspiring subject. We could debate it all night, i just wish i could go into far off galaxies sometimes.
best wishes
mike
x
Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)
Original item by Winston Plowes
Hi Kay, Enjoyed looking at this. Some fine rhymes and original ideas, Thx for posting.
a compacted soul afloat
not blissful or ironic but occasionally gnomic
I continue to exist when brutal doors are closed
I think and feel regardless of your year.
I felt this little section as a mini gem within the whole, had so much to offer and could mean so much to so many. It was the last four words that held me :-)
Win
Comment is about Gnomic love affairs (blog)
Original item by kayberley
Short and simple homage to the city, MC. I like the enjambment. (I just looked it up to see if I'd spelled it right and the dictionary fell open at "frog" - spooky, or what?)
Like the poem - hate the place!
Comment is about MY LONDON (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Hi Ksy. Really enjoyed this. Makes the reader search behind the lines and in doing so maybe search inside themselves, Win x
Comment is about Untitled as yet! (blog)
Original item by kayberley
I can really identify with this piece. But, I am imagining myself the subject of protection lol. In essence it's a very good poem. I just wonder whom it's aimed at, and how they would feel about it.
Just proves you care really. But at what cost, only the future will tell eh?
Stay well kayberley.
Best wishes
mike
x
Comment is about Untitled as yet! (blog)
Original item by kayberley
Seems a while since you've posted Greg.
Nice imagery, particularly the last part about turning his attention from the gipsy girls to the rooftops, gutters etc.
Comment is about Rooftops (for Bruno Cordati) (blog)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Very vivid, Dave, in its imagery but nicely ambivalent in its meaning.
Comment is about This will do (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Interesting piece. The last line......hmmmm! Makes me think of the old mans attachments or, his agedness. Very clever how it imbues upon the reader to go back again and read it, just in case you missed something the first time round.
Actually, i think i enjoyed this piece more than at first thought.
Nice work
keep posting
best wishes
mike
x
Comment is about An inoffensive old man (blog)
Original item by Peter Asher
Hi Ray, I like this piece not only for its content, but for its non conformity. It proves itself as a sincere piece of writing by what I would describe as honesty, and though it is a heart wrenching piece to have had to have written, I can imagine the catharsis would do no wrong to yourself or others. For me, for some reason, this poem touched a nerve in me I'm not sure whether i wish to explore, but in saying that, it goes to show just how intense and exploratory it is.
Nice work, not just nice work, but a top piece of writing. Goona go away to ponder now.
Be well
Mike
x
Comment is about A Multitude of Sins (blog)
Hi Mike, Thx for looking at my space stuff... you are right it is a massive awe inspiring subject. Images of Earth is a found poem however, All the lines in it were found in
'The Home Planet (Images and Reflections of Earth from Space Explorers)'. Kevin W.Kelley. Macdonald Queen Anne Press 1988. I was interested to see how comments from these astronauts expressed themselves in this book and how these experiences might alter their religion and philosophy. Whether this explores that idea or not I don't know but I do like these exercises. Truth is that this thing is so big, how can anyone do it justice in words? Win
Comment is about Noetic-fret! (poet profile)
Original item by Noetic-fret!
Isobel
Tue 24th Jan 2012 23:49
Heh heh, in response to John's comment - there's a lot wrong with Wigan, but a lot right also! The centre is quite lovely - lots of old Tudor buildings. I once had to entertain a french student for a day and took her to Southport. On the way home she we drove through the centre of Wigan (before the advent of pedestrian zones) and she ooed and aaaghed over it, wishing that I had taken her there instead. It just goes to show that you can undervalue what you have under your nose. There is a warmth and friendliness about the locals also - a down to earthness that I love.
But I can also see that there is a roughness and a lack of 'citizenship' in certain northern towns, which is a bit tiresome. Throwing litter and dog fouling are quite bad and there is a rough element to the night life - so yes I can identify with aspects of the poem. High unemployment isn't going to make things any better either.
Comment is about CRAP TOWN (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER