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Ray Miller

Updated: Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:14 pm

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I'm in a pink house somewhere between T.S. Eliot and George Formby, Althia and Donna.


Leaner The colour of hunger is dry and yellow; a skin stretched taut and a mouth too wide for her teeth. Ironical smiles merely taste bitter, brittle leaves breaking meander and flutter; clothes which once fit her shrug from the shoulders, shimmy and plummet to a threadbare carpet speckled with vomit. In the mirror naked her eyes are blinkered, a tunnel vision of limelight receding, drowning and sunken. Her fruit is withered, blistered and shrunken; easily bruised, no longer bleeding.

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Laura Taylor

Sat 27th Sep 2014 10:25

Ray - I don't want your suggestions. She was dying while I was writing this, and died before it was finished. Out of all the poems I have written since you've been off the boards you chose this one to comment on? It hasn't got a title because I'm too fucking heartbroken to think of one.

I'll hold back on what I really want to say to you but congratulations on winning 'the most tactless twat' award.

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Laura Taylor

Mon 25th Feb 2013 15:43

Howdy Ray

I applied a couple of your suggested edits to 'Jack's Alright', and Poetry24 have just published it, so thank you for your suggestions :)

I removed the 'ing' from 'slander', and the 'But' from the start of one of the lines :)

Ta la!

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Katy Megan Hughes

Sun 10th Feb 2013 12:58

Thank you Ray - will edit and update - I know what you mean about the "bold" bit, I got stuck there - need to revisit it! Katy

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John Coopey

Thu 7th Feb 2013 21:37

Hello Ray
Thanks for you thoughts on "Sonnet 18".
I posted this comment myself on the poem's page in the hope of getting some help with my difficulty.

Ray raises a good point about "he may splash out on as he's read". I agree that it isn't quite right although "when he's read" doesn't do it either. This would mean he's splashing out on his dirty book after he's read it. I'm trying to burn both ends of the pun ("splashed out" = spent money and ejaculated); so clearly he'd have spent money on it before he's read it.
I'm struggling to get these concepts in 10 iambic syllables. Any suggestions would be helpful.
In contrast, I'm happy with my original "wife-man's nagging" rather than "wife's man-nagging". "Wife-man/men" was the forebear of "woman/women".

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David Cooke

Fri 16th Nov 2012 18:45

Hi Sid Thanks for comms on Bastille poem. Never thought about the 'hers' - I'll have a think about it!

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winston plowes

Thu 8th Nov 2012 15:59

Hi Sid, thks for the suggestions re Lumb Bank. Win

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Thu 8th Nov 2012 14:03

Thanks for your comment on Small Talk, Sid. Yes I think I will probably tweek that now line - probably just get rid of the word - I'll see how I feel after performing it tonight.

I see you've been scribbling again - will take a peek when I'm feeling more up to critique - leaving comments can be quite a draining process when you really think about what you are writing.

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Dave Carr

Thu 8th Nov 2012 12:22

Hi Sid,
Had to look twice there - like the name -incognito in your Holt. Thanks for comment in another life. Dompy is to Compy as Dumpty is to Humpty. Whimsical I suppose.

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John Coopey

Sat 27th Oct 2012 17:52

Glad you liked "Cat nap". I realise how poor it is in relation to the original.

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Mike Hilton

Thu 25th Oct 2012 19:41

Thanks Sid I appreciate your comments observations.

cheers Mike

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Laura Taylor

Fri 19th Oct 2012 13:41

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on 'Grandad', Sid - I admire your work so it's good to hear your feedback.

It's always interesting, seeing what others make of your stuff. I'd never even considered the title might be distressing. doesn't bother me, I like the extra level of interpretation, in fact.

However, I was considering changing it cos I thought it signified the relationship too clumsily. Do you think a simple 'Seamus Rimer' would be better, or worse? you mean out of place sonically? I wanted to signify many colours of conversation, lots of ground covered, and of course, the storytelling/fantastic element to the whole thing too.

And it WAS originally 'at 84' - but I wanted to have the ambiguity of him living at number 84, and/or being the age of 84. So I'll leave that as it is.

What about the italicisation of that middle section? Seem okay to you? I wanted it to come across as flashback, but am questioning whether it's really necessary now.

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Greg Freeman

Wed 3rd Oct 2012 23:14

Sid, thanks for your comments on Malcolm's Memorial Walk, which has given me the opportunity to look at your work. I really admire it. Greg

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Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Oct 2012 16:14

Hello Sid - quick note to say that I am really enjoying your poems on here :) thanks for posting them!

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 24th Sep 2012 22:44

Sid, thanks for picking up the comma error. It was meant to be as changed now. Bargee isn't a typo though (a barge worker/owner).
Many thanks for the kind comments.


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Ann Foxglove

Wed 19th Sep 2012 18:08

Hi Sid - welcome to WOL. Great poems!

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