dead daffodils

entry picture

 

Daffodils on my table

stand in a coffee pot.

The pot is cream and gold and green,

so pretty, I use it as a vase.

 

The daffodils on my table

never bloomed.

But they are dying.

Maybe it’s too warm.

 

I bought them from a roadside pail.

They stood proud, gold and green;

full of promises suppressed.

 

Now, fat buds are soft,

rotting on the stem.

Smelling sour as love.

They never opened

 

I think I’ll leave them on my table

though.

Just to remind me.

 

 

 

love

◄ missing mum

a st agnes tragedy ►

Comments

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 24th Jan 2012 12:23

I always like your mind, Ms Oxley. The last stanza is very Miss Haversham - deliberate soul-destruction.

Your personal photo is fab.

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Anthony Emmerson

Mon 23rd Jan 2012 18:14

"Pail" indeed! What's wrong with bucket? You're getting more "hyacinth" than Foxglove!"
Leaves a bitter aftertaste this.

Regards,
A.E.

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Francine

Thu 19th Jan 2012 21:07

I've had this happen a few times too... : /

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Laura Taylor

Thu 19th Jan 2012 16:34

Ahhh right..well fancy that.

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 19th Jan 2012 14:02

Have changed a couple of things. Got rid of "soggy". And Ray, you are right, the sour love is the point.

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Ray Miller

Thu 19th Jan 2012 11:46

Like it, Ann.You probably need a semi-colon after gold and green.

Yet still they are dying.

That phrase sounds wrong.still dying? Something like "They die slowly" would be better, I think.
I liked "sour as love", thought it was the crux of the poem. I think the next 2 lines are superfluous, though, and the ending more pointed without them.

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Laura Taylor

Thu 19th Jan 2012 10:16

I like this Ann...but a little quibble...sour as 'love'? Feels discordant to me that. There's a lovely alliteration to the title, and I love that last verse

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