PADS

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There's pads that you find on a puppy dog's feet

There's pads that are cushions on your three-piece suite

There's pads that you write on sheet after sheet

To these though I now have to add

My fucking incontinence pad.

 

When younger my dotage I thought through and planned

I knew that my hour glass would one day lose sand

And that, for example, my waist would expand

But what never occurred to that lad

Was having to wear a piss pad.

 

I held the “school record” for twenty-odd years

And needed a piss only once after beers

I savour those memories now destiny nears

But recollect words of my dad

One day, son, you'll wear a pad”

 

I fully expected to fall prey to chills

And likewise anticipate living on pills

I'm resigned to the fact that my prick yields no thrills

But the facet that makes me most sad's

This fucking incontinence pad.

 

Cos precision's long gone and the pressure is weak

Protection's now needed for untimely leaks

And to compound this I find skid mark streaks

So where did he go that young lad

Who now wears incontinence pads?

 

These days after having a romantic date

There's nothing that makes a girl's ardour deflate

Quicker than proof of your unruly prostate

Which sight turns your slim prospects bad

- A wet and a piss-coloured pad.

 

So you young uns make merry and guzzle your beer

And piss like a donkey with never a fear

But know what awaits you in your future years

You'll look back on the these days when you had

No need of incontinence pads.

🌷(3)

◄ THESE BOOTS AREN'T MADE FOR WALKING

SELF-IDENTIFY ►

Comments

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John Coopey

Fri 18th Apr 2025 09:10

There’s allus a dribble that’s left
Though I’m ever so careful and deft
At shaking my todger
For this coffin dodger
There’s allus a dribble that’s left.
Thankyou Uilleam and Stephen for the Like.

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Uilleam Ó Ceallaigh

Fri 18th Apr 2025 07:53

A big thank you John, on behalf of under-represented males everywhere.
As a result of a recent DEI initiative, I now look forward to the TV advert based in Leeds Municipal Gym, in which one likely lad says to the other:
“Eeh bah gum, ah've just done twenty press-ups, an’ does tha know, ah’m feelin’ a bit damp round the goolies; can thi lend me a Tena - these Always Discrete aren’t up to scratch”.

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John Coopey

Wed 16th Apr 2025 15:07

Thanks for your thoughts, Tom. And thanks for the Like Red Brick.

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Tom Doolan

Tue 15th Apr 2025 21:10

Oh John - You have got me worried now. Oh well I'll be off to the charity shops one fine day. They are overflowing with Santex pads lol.

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