'Twas on a Monday morning that I tried to phone BT

I listened to the options and then pressed the one for me

A prerecorded message said that I'd been put on hold

So I listened to some Mozart for an hour like I was told.

 

Then a lady answered telling me she couldn't help at all

So after 40 minutes she ended our phone call

I'm afraid I'd got frustrated and I'd begun to screech

But before she put the phone down said to call up Open Reach.

 

Now no-one knows of Open Reach, what they're suppose to do

Apart from digging roads up but what else? I've not a clue.

It didn't matter anyway cos I could not get through;

A fucking message simply said “Return to BT's queue”.

 

And so I called BT again my patience worn quite thin

Awaiting yet again for fucking Mozart to begin

Eventually I gave some fucking oik my fucking speech

But who'da guessed? He couldn't help. “You might try Open Reach”.

 

So round and round the garden like the fucking teddy bear

Open Reach and BT – Jesus! what a fucking pair

Where “Customer Experience” has such a hollow ring

Just measure me now for my box; Death, where's thy fucking sting!”