Poetry Blogs (2016, depression)
Broke my heart, lost the door
Finger tips momentarily touched
Float away without an oar
Don't tell me you understand
Just offer a permanent hand
Don't trivialise my condition
Please, please, please be "that" physician
Don't tell me you've had the same
Rubbish my feelings, hand me the blame
Don't tell me I've ruined the day
I'm sorry, it just won't go away
Thursday 29th December 2016 11:06 am
A brain that’s been tapped and tinkered is suddenly transformed.
A soul that’s been prodded and pulled is carefully put back in its place.
Thoughts have been dusted and polished and put away in their boxes.
A gut that been untangled, unknotted, instead now tied in a bow.
But then the scars to the brain have split.
The crack in its box is on display.
A scratch to the soul wan...
Wednesday 30th November 2016 2:43 pm
It is the assumption that people tend to reflect and contemplate in the dawn of the night
When noones awake to hear the sorrow in your sobs
When it's too dark to see the weakness in your eyes
And your lonliness enables your imprisoned vulnerability to surface
But what happens when this negativity suddenly seep its way into the happenings of your everyday life
When these mor...
Wednesday 16th November 2016 8:36 pm
I'm lying awake at 3am
Why am I never intoxicated with positivity?
Why aren't I a fountain of enthusiasm?
Why can't I see the euphemistic light in this unilluminated darkness?
I'm lying awake at 3am
All of my uncertainties are overwhelming
The formidable anxiety I've become acclimated with seeps in through open wounds
And yet I've learned to find tranquility in this res...
Wednesday 2nd November 2016 8:04 pm
This one comes from some older stuff of mine, written whilst dealing with what i didnt realise was a depression / anxiety disorder at the time. Thankfully now its under control, but reading this back makes me remeber just how black things were back then.
Darkness; continuous, deep, perpetual darkness.
Constant. Soulless. Empty dark space.
It laps at the edges, frayed edges of my c...
Saturday 15th October 2016 11:56 am
I stand on the edge of a cliff,
High above the water that assaults the rocks below.
I overlook the stormy sea.
Lightning cracks across the sky,
A horrendous sound.
Neptune huffs, he puffs,
He tries to knock me down,
He hopes to cause me to slip on the damp ground.
I hear it coming for me.
Its roar could intimidate a lion.
I see it coming for me,
A blue wave as high...
Saturday 24th September 2016 1:55 am
My heart over powers my head lately
Must be linked to my stomach
I'm always feeling sick
My person has opened up
I've been shut down for so long
I require drastic change
Shame is what I'm swimming in
I don’t feel guilty I just hate
Knowing how you are going to look at me
I never know what you think
I feel like you will just settle with me
Wednesday 21st September 2016 6:04 am
Make it a sweet goodbye
Make it something unforgettable
Don’t leave a note or letter
No one can ever know why.
I put an angel to bed
Who laid there so peacefully
Like a baby fast asleep.
Was it all a dream
Or maybe just a nightmare
The memory of your face
Brings me back to reality.
It’s 4 in the morning right now
My brain won’t let me sleep
Tuesday 9th August 2016 5:54 am
I used to think writing was an escape,
But i now realize that it has never been anything more than a device to feed into every word that I use to bring the emotional drain that is my heart and mind to a story between the paper and ink.
It seems that the lights flickering above me have more meaning,
At the age of seven, I was told the truth as to where my father was and why i never hear...
Saturday 6th August 2016 11:24 am
My Misses has a mistress
She comes here then and now
She always sneaks in quietly
And when she leaves she's loud
She lives here some nights
On the other side of the bed
She stays here with my misses
She lives inside her head
I watch her leech away her life
She slyly steals her smile
And when she wants to make love
She takes my misses for a while
She didn't come ...
Monday 1st August 2016 2:27 pm
The daytime creeps upon me
I see it and walk towards
I have been waiting for her
But it burns to love
She fades to black
My fury inside
My darkness of soul
I realise the truth
But feel no sorrow
And in the beginning of life
The universe said
You are the night
Saturday 30th July 2016 8:08 am
I can't do anything
Even when I try
It is destroyed.
It's my fault I can't fix it
Crushed her heart
Crushed his soul.
Miles away I screw
Not to mention my problems
Could it all be worth it
Is it all just an illusion
What's the purpose
When I only destroy.
Saturday 30th July 2016 8:05 am
Unbroken stares into the cracks of my ceiling,
I stare at every single imperfection as if they were calling out my name,
Perhaps it resembled a metaphor of my negligence to cope,
I am but a mold composed through the mind of depression,
I am empty and I am broken,
Perhaps I'll stroll to the pond and hope the gray clouds part,
I'll continue to sip the sorrow i...
Monday 25th July 2016 6:21 am
Fetch the scissors
Bring the knife too
I've found something
for me to do
Watch the blood drip
Make a red puddle
They all seem to judge
Without knowing the struggle
If they can all hurt me
I can hurt me too
I feel like I deserve it anyway,
That's why I do what I do
That's what they label me
But they don't know
What I have to see
Monday 25th July 2016 5:44 am
Writing gives me the power to express how I am feeling without actually having to say,
I have a pen, paper and 24 hours in a day.
Although I keep my silence, I can still let it all out
I could talk about the blood, sweat and tears but they're all visible signs.
The things I need to talk about are all in my mind.
I find it so difficult to trust family and friends
but have no prob...
Saturday 23rd July 2016 4:59 pm
There you go again
Fighting a battle hard to win
Facing every demon
That is stuck inside your head
All the secrets that are kept within
Every weakness and sin
They are ever screaming
Ripping your soul to shreds
Do not listen, my friend
Find a way to wear thin
The voices forever misleading
That you cannot move ahead
Never let them win
Tuesday 12th July 2016 11:32 pm
Here I sit with a candle lit
As I rest and wait to commit.
To a life of blue skies and angels,
As I try to ignore the pain sensation.
Whilst being overcome with isolation.
Trying in vain to think of happy thoughts,
As the devil looks on and applauds,
And laughs and jeers right in my face,
Since he knows that he is winning the race,
As he picks up a faster pace....
Wednesday 6th July 2016 11:24 pm
Echoes of emotions wash over me as I gaze and remember.
Bewitched and writhing under covers
As angels rustled,
their dresses sweeping past my bed,
and gently approached to anoint my forehead with a kiss.
Their touch startled me from my sad reverie, and I breathed once more.
Deep, gasping breaths
That filled my lungs with hope.
The sadness subsided,...
Sunday 3rd July 2016 8:13 pm
As if sloughing off a skin and emerging
After a painful rebirth, and yes, there were tears.
Emerging into the light after months, years of being in the shade.
When caught in a grey void, time slows, and I fear I will fall with no one to catch me.
Running into the headlights, I fear I will run too fast and fall, spinning into a white void.
I do not fall but stumble, and carry on stro...
Sunday 3rd July 2016 7:57 pm
Whispers traveled the corridors,
Anxiety filled the air -
And there in the corner, she lay
As fine as a porcelain,
With skin as cold as ice.
Nobody dared to approach
But anyone could see,
The pills that lay nestled -
Within the palm of her hand.
And in the midst of all the tension,
The silence seemed to overwhelm -
Those who looked on wanted to run,
Thursday 30th June 2016 8:42 am
Beneath a dull, greying sky - I lay, and I watch -
You stand there on hard earth
With your outstretched arms,
Beckoning me close,
And within your eyes - resides a coldness,
And I dare say -
Belies a desperation, a vanity that encloses your heart.
Your face is a scarred mass of distrust,
And you're twisted and crippled
Yet, you've lived on -
In an endless parade of in...
Wednesday 29th June 2016 12:35 pm
When the remnants of defeat are strewn about the floor,
Covering my ripped and battered boots,
Crick and cracking evermore,
When my wounds burn and blister from the heat,
To drag my heavy soul to the depths of darkness,
When the mirror shatters to pierce the life that was lived before,
And hope dissolves into the sea,
When my dead, cold heart da...
Thursday 23rd June 2016 4:58 pm
SULPHUR MAKES A GOOD SUPPER,
IT GOES WELL WITH A LIQUID LUNCH,
SOCIETY RATIONS OUR THOUGHTS JUST LIKE IT RATIONS PIECES OF BREAD,
WHAT'S THE PRICES OF OUR FACES?
WHAT'S THE PRICES OF OUR COFFINS WE ARE ALL DYING TO FIT INTO?
IF SULPHUR SEEPS MIGHTY DEEP IT IS ALMOST NEVER EXTRACTED,
WHAT SERVES AS OUR DISTRACTION INSTEAD OF PUFFING SULPHUR EVERY
MINUTE OF THE ...
Thursday 23rd June 2016 4:44 pm
The Marked Ones
Icicles stab like swords through my heart,
Enemies terrorize my mind,
Sanity slipping from the whole and the parts,
Time is elapsing,
The dream of salvation is lost in the storm,
Ugly dark angels beg to be born,
Uncage the black beast,
Warriors come running from distant lands,
Strength and composure ripp...
Thursday 23rd June 2016 4:13 pm
I hate this world
Without you it has one less beautiful soul
I sit here seething
Thinking of how good people die while others keep breathing
How can I make the world a better place
All the while trying to hide the tears on my face
I want to be part of a standing ovation
But how can I do that with no motivation
To change the world one child at a time
To give all I have, ...
Monday 20th June 2016 3:04 pm
I've reached my goal weight
I think to myself
But don't ask how I did it
You don't want to know
That depression and anxiety
Is causing my body to change
That trips to the gym
Are only to get through the mundane
Don't tell me I look good
Because deep down inside
Looks don't really matter
When your life is full of pain
Sunday 19th June 2016 2:12 pm
If only he hadn't had freckles.
If only he had been taller.
If only he hadn't spoken with a lisp.
If only he had liked playing football.
If only he hadn't been so shy.
If only the teachers had noticed.
If only he hadn't worn shorts.
If only he had liked pop music.
If only he had said something.
Sunday 19th June 2016 10:36 am
I promise that I will never do it again
The consequences are too much to take
But the thrill I get from it makes me feel alive
Even if it's only for a few seconds.
I'm a sucker for things that are not good for me
Drinking down this bottle of apathy
Hoping all my fears will go down with it.
Self-medication tastes so good
As I pour another glass
I'll never feel b...
Sunday 15th May 2016 7:57 pm
I liar, that’s what I am
I roll my dice from in my hand
I sit upon my throne
Forged from pain
broken promises, pretty lies
They’re all the same
traction, I’m unable to gain
I’m slowly slipping into my old ways
I was getting better
Now it’s worse
Every Name I hear, I curse
I cannot do that
she is perfect
she is sweet
I lay my life at her feet...
Wednesday 11th May 2016 4:00 pm
My inner voice
More than just an uncomfortable thought
a enemy to myself and my peers
self destructing thoughts
relationship crushing voice
jealousy when there should be none
“I love you” but “I hate you”
The voice that tells me to live my life
The voice that tells me to end it
The voice that I can’t escape
The voice that I create
I’m not sure how much ...
Wednesday 11th May 2016 3:52 pm
Head In Hands
when I bring my hands
to my face
the heels fit precisely
into the sockets of my eyes…
my thumbs circle my temples
but do not soothe or ease the pain…
each of my fingers press
against the bony ridge of forehead…
pleading for relief…
the insides of each hand
pinch against the aqualine
contours of my nose...
Sunday 1st May 2016 7:53 pm
It cuts deep within,
Its' touch gentle and soft.
It barks and howls,
Its' voice lovely and calm.
Its' thoughts are demeaning,
Its' love unconditional.
Its' presence a weight,
Pride churned in the ridicule.
It beats you to your knees,
But your kneecaps don't agree.
You stand on your feet,
While the blades stab in deep.
The scars show malformity,
Yet the face shows ever delight.
Monday 25th April 2016 5:39 am
A cup of emotion, that’s what I am
I pour it out, upon your hands
I’ve never been the one for that, you’ve changed me
before you I was nothing
My life made of constantly bluffing
It’s difficult to open up
To be, this little cup
You’ve helped to put me in my place
You’ve Helped me through this little race
Although I’ve thrown you for a loop
You’ve always seemed to com...
Friday 22nd April 2016 4:15 pm
5th grade was my downfall
Anxiety coupled with A.D.D
Made for the perfect broken marriage.
6th grade was calm.
I had everything under control
And I was taking medication
But 7th grade was morbid.
One only the devil could produce,
Had arrived with the diseased name
8th grade was the year Depression made friends
Wednesday 13th April 2016 4:30 pm
I'd like you to like me
and I'd like you to know,
Id doesn't like me and Superego doesn't know where to go.
I've planned a trip to where the tulips grow -
find a vein, push a plunger, let the psychotropes flow.
I know you don't like me
and we've nowhere to go.
Ego doesn't know what to do and Id has hate to sow.
I'd like you to, I'd like to oblige you to throw
Monday 11th April 2016 2:32 pm
To the death, we say,
Breath licked with flame, spits to my face;
Racing temples pump furious blood
Through ferrous veins,
Manes rise, eyes blister with relentless rage;
Then, clenched fists draw clotted blood
Through plum knuckles.
My neck buckles,
Cracking bone like tinder,
The interweave of puffed ribs and scarlet skin
Glisten with fetid sweat;
Monday 11th April 2016 12:02 pm
Every morning indecisive and overwhelmed
Who should I sit by?
The question is,
Who would want to sit by you?
I mean, No one wants to,
And you know it.
That's not true.
I've got plenty of people who wouldn't mind me.
There’s the girl I sit next to in class
And we talk from time to time.
Oh, and don't forget the boy who waves hi to me i...
Thursday 7th April 2016 3:27 pm
Who am I?
Who are you?
Who are we?
I don't know who I am.
I don't know who you are.
I don't know who we are.
Am I me?
Am I you?
Am I we, us, them?
Too many thoughts whirling in my mind.
Infections of madness consuming me.
I thought I knew who I was.
Thursday 7th April 2016 3:19 pm