Where have you gone?

Where has your mercy fled?

Do you see the tears

 drenched upon my bed?

 

Do you hear my cries for shelter?

Do you remember me at all?

Please tell me you’re not just watching

As my kingdoms rise and fall.

 

One hundred and twenty days

And still I cannot breathe.

Have you buried me beneath

A burden that will not leave?

 

I know you say you’ll never give me

More than my weary heart can hold,

Yet I look out at all my sorrows,

And so many sorrows, I behold.

 

And though I know you love me,

I question in what ways.

 I’m left with screams and hollers,

Saying goodbye to better days.

 

Your love I do not doubt,

All other things I do.

I sit here in this darkness,

And wonder “where are you?”

 

How much can I take?

How much pain can my heart bear?

Not another moment,

Not one more tear, I swear.

 

Yet, you push even still,

past my line drawn in the sand.

 I raise my arms in panic,

Searching for your hand.

 

But all I grasp is air,

My anger overwhelms my guilt.

How could you take the blessings

From the very house you built?

 

How could you let this happen?

How could you just stand by?

watching my spirit crumble,

watching all my dreams die?

 

Answer me, Please,

Let me see the things you see.

You’ve broken all my bones,

Now what will you do with me?

 

You made me believe anything was possible

With just a little faith,

But then you ripped away the very things

That made my soul feel safe.

 

You’ve taken all my joy,

And in its place, I mourn.

How can I love you,

With a heart that’s bruised and torn?

 

Forgive me for these words,

Though I’ll soon say them again,

I cannot live in a world

That you do not live in.

 

I cannot live in a world where you don’t love me,

Though I don’t understand the ways you do,

Now there is nothing left

But my crying out for you.

 

Now my joy is broken,

My heart far from whole,

I’m living on borrowed time

That takes its minutes from my soul.

 

Do not leave me

With all these ragings' in my mind,

But let me know your goodness

Is not too far behind.

 

Wrap your arms around me

And hold on to me tight.

If you won’t keep me from the darkness,

Then stay with me at night.

 

If you won’t tell me why things happen,

why they’re done to me,

Then at least tell me something,

Tell me who I’m supposed to be.

 

What am I supposed to do,

When I feel that all of me is gone?

When all that’s left are scraps

 Not even a dog would feast upon?

 

I’m angry at You

But I’m angry at myself more,

For being so angry at the only one

Who would let me through His door.

 

I do not understand,

I can’t even pretend.

Yet, I know though your hands' against me,

You’re still my closest friend.

 

You’re still the only one

My heart longs to be near.

Even when I don’t want you right beside me,

I still want you right here.

 

No anger in my body,

No bitterness in my bones,

Can ever keep me from longing

For You and You alone.

 

No wound, though cut so deep,

No pain that will not heal,

Can ever keep me from the small hope

That somehow your grace is real.

 

It will meet me in each moment,

Though I may not always see,

That often times your love

just feels like hurt to me.

 

That often times the worst things

My soul will ever face,

Are the very things that bring me

To the doorstep of Your grace.

 

And the bones that you have broken

Rejoice and dance and sing,

Because even when you're not good, 

You’re still good in everything.

 

God, where have you gone?

Where has your mercy fled?

I went searching for lost answers,

But only found your love instead.

 

Now tears of broken joy are drenched upon my bed!