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Lynn Dye

Fri 16th Sep 2011 22:13

Hi Andy, thank you for kind comments on Teardrops in my Coffee. You may be right, it would work without the first verse, considering this, thanks. xx

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Ray Miller

Fri 16th Sep 2011 22:11

It's a lovely poem, Ann.You a fan of Ted Hughes? I wonder if removing the two "Likes" might make it even better.

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Lynn Dye

Fri 16th Sep 2011 22:07

Hello Ann, thank you very much for kind comments on my latest, much appreciated. xx

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Ray Miller

Fri 16th Sep 2011 21:57

Thanks ever so much, Cynthia.This will sound ungrateful, I guess, but I'm not all that fond of this poem! Now the previous one, Leprosy, that's a good poem.I think!But it's all very subjective, this poetry lark.

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Harry O'Neill

Fri 16th Sep 2011 21:23


Anne,
excelent use of soft words to sheath the razors...Also the use of children at the end. The whole thing has a downey feeling about it...good stuff!

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<Deleted User> (5011)

Fri 16th Sep 2011 21:11

Cynthia! You make it worse.

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<Deleted User> (5011)

Fri 16th Sep 2011 21:10

I don't miss mediocre, though suspect it misses me.

Can't fault Rachel's reply.

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Lynn Dye

Fri 16th Sep 2011 21:00

Hi Dave, thank you for kind comments on Teardrops in my Coffee. Fortunately not autobiographical at all, thanks for asking. x

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Lynn Dye

Fri 16th Sep 2011 20:54

Thanks for kind comments on Teardrops in my coffee, John, also your comment on my profile which made me laugh - typical man! Lol. x

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<Deleted User> (7212)

Fri 16th Sep 2011 19:28

I reckon that the effluvia of liposuction could be put to better use by shipping it over to africa in those giant oil tankers to make cakes and biscuits and sweetmeats to feed the starving millions - you'd feed a village on your own (and me another )

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<Deleted User> (7212)

Fri 16th Sep 2011 19:22

love it John

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Lynn Dye

Fri 16th Sep 2011 17:22

Enjoyed this very much, Ann, love your descriptions. xx

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Rachel Bond

Fri 16th Sep 2011 16:28

reminds me of all of us. we were all stars. till we got smashed by a ton of bricks. i think the trick is to know it and keep fighting and remember that stars are light years away and theres no rush to die in.

Its also a bit mariliyn....the voice therefore sounds sleazy..

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 16th Sep 2011 16:04

I just like the words and their magic. The first stanza is outstanding. I do not find depression here - realism, maybe - existentialism - excitement - but not sadness.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 16th Sep 2011 15:59

Balderdash! Besides, it was a stupid question. But very fetching poetry - in the 'short and punchy' style.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 16th Sep 2011 15:39

'up to my ankles in twilight' is one of those genius lines that make reading poetry a sheer joy, and also 'every conceptual surface'. plus -- plus! This is great poetry in concept, imagery, diction and social reverberation. (I'm pretty sure that's the word I want.)

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Ray Miller

Fri 16th Sep 2011 13:52

Thanks, Neil. I guess "almost up to my ankles in twilight" is something akin to "not dark yet, but it's getting there."
I'd like the same tolerance and latitude extended to those who don't need it, to be extended to those who do.I'm a socialist.
What I bemoan most is the fracture of communities.At least graffiti is "home-grown", not purchased or downloaded.
I reckon you're right about the last line. I had my doubts beforehand, so it's going.

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Lynn Dye

Fri 16th Sep 2011 13:29

Thank you so much, how lovely you all are! xxx

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Laura Taylor

Fri 16th Sep 2011 13:06

Howdy John

I was made up to find it there, was only looking for The Bidding and must have missed it first time around.

Aye, me other half is a Leonard Cohen nut, and played it to me :) I love that 'we are ugly but we have the music' line - making me fill up just thinking about it!

I shall look up that band you mention :)

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John Coopey

Fri 16th Sep 2011 12:43

'Ey up, Monkey!
Thanks for reading Janis.
She was a bit special, wasn't she?
We have a kid in our village who reminds me of her. I first saw her about 3 years ago when she was 13 at a school talent competition. So shy she didn't speak or look up. When the music started this huge voice opened up from the bowels of the earth. I shuddered.
She's in a local band now called the Lucettes, which you can find on YouTube.
On another front (and pulling in the thread of sexy songs) did you know that Leonard Cohen's Chelsea Hotel was about his relationship with JJ?

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Neil Fawcett

Fri 16th Sep 2011 11:14

"up to my ankles in twilight". I like this line, not sure what it means though. I think I know what you're getting at in this well conceived poem, but I'm not sure whether or not you think that it is a good thing that the safety net is being removed. Are you sympathetic?
"every conceptual surface'. Irony? Or a recognition of graffiti as art? This is clearly a very thoughtful poem and there are enough clues in the title and the text without the final line. Good thought provoking stuff.

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Philipos

Fri 16th Sep 2011 10:40

Enjoyed this Lynn and agree with all comments thus far.

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Philipos

Fri 16th Sep 2011 10:37

Some really powerful images here and the poem has the reader wanting to know more about the realities of the situation which is always a good sign.

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Philipos

Fri 16th Sep 2011 10:28

I likewise enjoyed this Ann - skilful use of comparisons and language.

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Laura Taylor

Fri 16th Sep 2011 10:15

This reads like the writer is depressed - not sure exactly why but there's a muffled quality to it, an 'outside' feel. It might be the last 2 lines of the first stanza that does it.

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Laura Taylor

Fri 16th Sep 2011 10:07

I like this - and can understand your feelings in this. 'Weird delirium of pride' - well summed up that line.

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Laura Taylor

Fri 16th Sep 2011 09:55

Ha - only just seen this John. Janis is incredibly important to me. She totally got me through being 15 and 16 - still can't listen to Little Girl Blue without being transported back to my achingly lonely teenage bedroom.

Don't suppose you went to the Summer of Love exhibition at the Liverpool Tate a few years back did you? I was browsing around, and then saw this Porsche...looked at the notice...and it was her's! I seriously just welled right up there and then - couldn't stop looking inside, imagining her sat there, driving round.

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Greg Freeman

Fri 16th Sep 2011 09:24

Like the observation of detail in the second verse, Lynn, and the flatness of the final line.

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Greg Freeman

Fri 16th Sep 2011 09:16

Like this very much, Ann. Getting limbered up for your trip to Lumb Bank? ...

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David Cooke

Fri 16th Sep 2011 08:49

No, I have no liquidity problems at the moment, Ann! and I think I noted a comment from someone else that you have really been on top form recently. Concise and on the money. Keep it up!

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Andy N

Fri 16th Sep 2011 08:39

nice stuff, kealan... agree with rachel over the disturbing images although my personal favourite is the 2nd stanza.. A

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Mick Waring

Fri 16th Sep 2011 08:39

Hello Ann. Thanks. We've millions of Kizzys addicted to their mobile phones.



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Andy N

Fri 16th Sep 2011 08:36

Enjoyed this, Lynn... Have you considered starting it from the 2nd stanza? Has a real power in it either way.. cheers - andy n x

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 16th Sep 2011 06:56

Ah, cutting off your nose to spite your face - I'm sure we've all done that! An honest read, and a good one too!

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 16th Sep 2011 06:51

Really lovely poem Lynn.xx

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 16th Sep 2011 06:49

Wow - thanks for recent kind comments on my poems Dave (you're not wanting to borrow a fiver are you?;)

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Dave Bradley

Fri 16th Sep 2011 00:13

A good one Lynn - has a kind of flatness in the style which reflects well how you must have been feeling. I hope it was a long time ago.

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Dave D Poet Rhumour

Thu 15th Sep 2011 22:49

Hi John - thanks for commenting on 'There be fairies' - I must get you to relate the story you hinted about! :)

Best wishes, Dave

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<Deleted User> (6895)

Thu 15th Sep 2011 22:48


hey up!!!!
its only a cracker-thats all!!

well done you clever girl!!

me'n'her.xx

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John Coopey

Thu 15th Sep 2011 22:07

Dry your eyes, Lynn.
Loved the 2nd and 3rd verses best.

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Neil Fawcett

Thu 15th Sep 2011 21:15

Thanks Isobel.

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<Deleted User> (6895)

Thu 15th Sep 2011 20:38


Hi John
hope you are back in poetical flow.

kindly thanks are yours
for your welcome comments
on my poem 'Wife'

both she and I thank you.

Patricia & Stef.

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<Deleted User> (6895)

Thu 15th Sep 2011 20:33


well chuffed Marianne
for your approval of 'Wife'

really appreciated.

Stefan.

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<Deleted User> (6895)

Thu 15th Sep 2011 20:25


Hi Lynn.

as always,we are grateful
for your kindness
to us both
in particular on this occasion
for comments on 'Wife'

Tricia and I send you
loadsa...xxxxxxxxxxxx

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David Cooke

Thu 15th Sep 2011 20:06

Another gem. I must apologize, Anne, while you were so generously responding to mine I was overlooking how good all your recent poems are. So poignant and so unaffected. Lovely!

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David Cooke

Thu 15th Sep 2011 20:02

Catching up with your recent poems, Ann, it seems to be that somewhere along the line you have taken them to a whole new level. This one like 'Peace' is really excellent: affecting and authentic. It seems to me to be a question of inspiration rather than just technique. Greg, is right. The precision and concreteness of the last stanza are excellent.

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David Cooke

Thu 15th Sep 2011 19:57

I think this is brilliant, Ann.

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David Cooke

Thu 15th Sep 2011 19:54

Hi Ann your comments on 'The Home' are fine by me!

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 15th Sep 2011 19:51

See you're getting straight to the point here John, well hopefully, give me a giggle! Thanx for comment on Time after time, I won't bark it out, I can deliver some in a refined manner! cheers Jeff

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Philipos

Thu 15th Sep 2011 15:18

Hello John (Townships) many thanks for commenting in your positive way.

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