BERBERIS

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Berberis

That mourning I went to the woods,
misrepresented by madness.
Life chastened, clouds crept on whilst I cried up on my cross.
I picked obscure rose petals and placed them in abandoned jam jars.

I trampled on my spirit, a quiet cost.
I found an inner peace, like a pardon.
A new diadem excavated encircled my loss.
I danced on wet grass with God, crown festooned.

I grasped but my hand met with a shrub called Berberis.
It taunted me with it's pretty yellow flowers.
Unkempt wasteland dominated, the boss.
The devil kept up his damage, thorns tore at my mind.

I found a wood anemone, growing in the moss.
A delicate flower in a hostile wilderness.
It showed me the beauty of the Holy Ghost.
I sat down amongst the trees, at the natural altar of peace.

Godmadnessmindmourningpeace

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Comments

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Emma Stradling

Thu 3rd May 2012 20:00

Glyn that's so nice to hear. It's really great to know that someone else gets what I'm saying. Given me the incentive to keep writing.

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Glyn Pope

Thu 3rd May 2012 17:47

I've read three of your poems. And I'm, well words fail me. I love this. It just completely speaks to me. I love it.

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Greg Freeman

Tue 11th Oct 2011 23:07

I like the first two lines particularly, which make me think of Dylan Thomas. And the petals in the abandoned jam jars. An interesting idea, in which you go on a journey and arrive in a better place.

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 11th Oct 2011 22:34

I like this too. The jarring contrast between pain and beauty.

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Graham Sherwood

Tue 11th Oct 2011 19:56

The idea of this is very well thought out.
Personally, there are too many joining words for my liking.
Like a pardon could easily have just been a pardon for example.
The berberis could have had an adjective to describe it more fully instead of the "a shrub called" etc.

Liked the last verse very much.

Welcome to WOL Emma J

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Ray Miller

Tue 11th Oct 2011 16:38

Hello. It's a nice poem. Let me tell you what I didn't like, before what I did.
The one-line sentences, I prefer more flow.

I picked obscure rose petals and placed them in abandoned jam jars.

I think the line ought to end on "them."

"crown festooned" seems to hang a bit at the end of the line. I'd put it before "with God"

I grasped but my hand - "and" better than "but"?

misrepresented by madness is lovely and these lines complement each other perfectly.

I trampled on my spirit, a quiet cost.
I found an inner peace, like a pardon.

I like the idea of being taunted by flowers, by beauty. There's a nice rhythm - despite the full stops! - and you can obviously write well.







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zethembiso mkhize

Tue 11th Oct 2011 12:57

I like....

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