Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Profile image

Rebecca Audra

Wed 30th Mar 2011 19:51

Have got rid of the oxymoron, 97% and barely there, have moved translucent into where interspliced once was. Thank you for the help in redrafting it, and the encouragement :).

Second Anish poem on here:

http://mostlynocturnalscribbler.wordpress.com/2011/03/30/the-myth-of-adam/

Comment is about Anish and the Moon (blog)

Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Profile image

melanie coady

Wed 30th Mar 2011 19:51

lol xx hmm is the man in the pic the steak?! lol

Comment is about Steak 'n' Blow-Job Day (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Profile image

melanie coady

Wed 30th Mar 2011 19:50

brilliant hun xx well written

Comment is about Learning To Read (blog)

Original item by Gemma Lees

Profile image

melanie coady

Wed 30th Mar 2011 19:49

ha ha ha brilliant hun xx

Comment is about A man after my own heart (blog)

Original item by Anna McCrory

Profile image

melanie coady

Wed 30th Mar 2011 19:47

im ans them all in my head lol xx

Comment is about Question 17 (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Wed 30th Mar 2011 10:22

Nah! The question was "Are you a poet?" (Not getting at you here by the way!!;) I wonder why they want to know what kind of central heating I have? (Answer - none.) I mean, really, there aren't many questions, but why do they need to know that?

Comment is about Question 17 (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Profile image

Fkx

Wed 30th Mar 2011 10:10

I am sure that was dug from somewhere deep and it rings of truth and sadness, yes, even love.

Comment is about Goodbye Childhood (blog)

Original item by Melanie Coady

Profile image

Fkx

Wed 30th Mar 2011 10:07

Thanks for visiting, reading and responding to my poems Melanie. You are most appreciated.

Comment is about Melanie Coady (poet profile)

Original item by Melanie Coady

Profile image

Greg Freeman

Wed 30th Mar 2011 10:05

This is just for fun! I'm sure you can all think of loads of other, more interesting questions. At Graham's wise suggestion I've removed the front cover of our census form that I had illustrated this with!

Comment is about Question 17 (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Profile image

Graham Sherwood

Wed 30th Mar 2011 09:53

I sense danger here?

Comment is about Steak 'n' Blow-Job Day (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 09:47

I'll show you.

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Profile image

Graham Sherwood

Wed 30th Mar 2011 09:37

Enjoyed this tremendously Rebecca. You must try and change 97% and interspliced, they don't fit into what is a lovely almost ethereal piece of work.

Comment is about Anish and the Moon (blog)

Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Profile image

Dave Bradley

Wed 30th Mar 2011 09:11

Excellent, Gemma. Another poem which helps the reader to tune in to what someone else has been facing. I liked the T-shirt too!

Comment is about Learning To Read (blog)

Original item by Gemma Lees

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Wed 30th Mar 2011 07:44

Er - tell me John - what are vegetarians supposed to do on this day? (I suspect I shall regret asking this question!)

Comment is about Steak 'n' Blow-Job Day (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Wed 30th Mar 2011 06:25

Hi Dave - interesting to read about how you write, and that feeling that the ideas or the language at least, might evaporate before you can get it down. I often get ideas while out walking, sometimes a whole poem seems to appear. Then . . . disappear!

Comment is about Plum blossoms in snow (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Profile image

Francine

Wed 30th Mar 2011 05:18

I love this, Gemma!
A great poem that highlights what a child goes through and feels when affected with a learning disabilty. It is so important for children to know that they are unique and valued. A child reading this poem would feel hopeful and inspired.

I am moved by your understanding and care to write about such things.
xxx

Comment is about Learning To Read (blog)

Original item by Gemma Lees

Profile image

Dave D Poet Rhumour

Wed 30th Mar 2011 02:32

Hi Melanie, thanks for your comments on 'No Jobs For A Man' - and my apologies once again for the tears! Hugs, Dave

Comment is about Melanie Coady (poet profile)

Original item by Melanie Coady

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 00:43

Dave
Glad you like Ken Dodd....

Comment is about Dave Carr (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Carr

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 00:42

Val
Glad you liked Ken Dodd....

Comment is about Valerie Cook (poet profile)

Original item by Valerie Cook

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 00:42

Rachel
Glad you liked Ken Dodd....
I think this site needs more culture like this.

Comment is about Rachel McGladdery (poet profile)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 00:41

It took me a dozen attempts to make the audio so I don't think I could do it live, although better than his dog!

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 00:38

M
Glad you liked Ken Dodd....
John

Comment is about Melanie Coady (poet profile)

Original item by Melanie Coady

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 00:34

Hello Marianne,
Thanks for reading and commenting on Ken Dodd...
I've used "In First Place" as a quiz team name before. Very confusing when they announce the winners and losers

Comment is about Marianne Daniels (poet profile)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 00:32

Laura
I don't think I could manage Ken Dodd... live. It took me a dozen shots to do the audio!

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 00:29

Tommy
Thanks for your comments on Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead. There ought to be more of this culture on here.

Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Profile image

John Coopey

Wed 30th Mar 2011 00:03

So that's where they came from.
I thought they were red worms killed by my Weed 'n' Feed.

Comment is about Delivery (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Profile image

Isobel

Tue 29th Mar 2011 22:22

I'd agree with Rachel about the erosion title being best. It fits in better with the last line of the poem which because of its change of tense, is a bit dismal. In effect you are saying that we are all erodable - if that is a word. I would probably agree - in the fact that we depend on society as it is - our nice central heating/air conditioning/means of transport. Try taking that away from us now and there would be anarchy. We are therefore complicit with the authority that is and dependent on it - and all the atrocities that may go on behind the scenes. There are lots of subtle references in here to oil etc

It took me several reads to understand this, not being much of a surreal thinker - I guess reading other comments may have helped. I didn't like it much on first read but that was because I didn't instantly get it - maybe still haven't. I am impressed by the thinking though - and its originality.

Comment is about 'New and invigorating ways to erode' - or 'the brain is impressively hard to control' (blog)

Profile image

Jon

Tue 29th Mar 2011 21:50

Ridiculously catchy and very annoying to try to say it without tripping up! Your spoken version is very good John.Bet you had to compose yourself when reading this out!

Comment is about Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Profile image

Dave Carr

Tue 29th Mar 2011 21:46

What a wonderful collection of images.

Comment is about The Burnt Bee (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Profile image

Dave Carr

Tue 29th Mar 2011 21:44

Very funny.
I can't even say it once without stumbling.
That's a scary picture too (Not you- Ken Dodd)
Dave

Comment is about Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Profile image

Gareth Writer-Davies

Tue 29th Mar 2011 21:10

Oy!!
But seriously, thanks for using my poem as a springboard and thanks for your supercharged comments : )
"The sun boiled up"
"We were doing something/inevitable"
Great lines, nice poem

Comment is about when that daylight hit us again (inspired by Gareth Writer-Davies' Junk poem) (blog)

Original item by David Mac

Profile image

Gareth Writer-Davies

Tue 29th Mar 2011 21:05

Hi Ann!
We nicked the idea from some other town, but now can't remember where?! In another life I was used to running quite complicated projects, so the admin side has been OK. I got the Town Centre Manager involved, made sure we were co-ordinated with the Town Festival and then cold called the shops, emphasising that the cost to them was nothing and that people would be looking in their windows and more likely to buy their goods! Hey presto, 30 shops were easily got....
The poets are members of the North Herts Stnaza of the Poetry Society so I know their standard and one of the shopkeepers came up with his own stuff which was pretty good!
The poems will be up 11/06 to 26/06 in fair Letchworth town : )

Comment is about Gareth Writer-Davies (poet profile)

Original item by Gareth Writer-Davies

<Deleted User> (9186)

Tue 29th Mar 2011 20:57

Thanks for the comment - Dave

Comment is about Melanie Coady (poet profile)

Original item by Melanie Coady

Profile image

melanie coady

Tue 29th Mar 2011 20:35

i got a real sense of spring hun xx lovely

Comment is about SPRING (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Profile image

melanie coady

Tue 29th Mar 2011 20:33

such a sad poem,i cried,very powerful hun xx

Comment is about No Jobs For A Man (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Profile image

melanie coady

Tue 29th Mar 2011 20:31

brilliant sweety xx loved it

Comment is about when that daylight hit us again (inspired by Gareth Writer-Davies' Junk poem) (blog)

Original item by David Mac

Profile image

melanie coady

Tue 29th Mar 2011 20:25

i got lost in this one hun xx the first few lines just roll off the tongue

Comment is about Anish and the Moon (blog)

Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Pete Crompton

Tue 29th Mar 2011 20:25

Laura, Melanie,Stevie, Rachel, Julian ta

ta, lay and la!

did you get the 'lay on grass' 'rain' reference?

anyone?> :-)

thanks for the super-essay R! a poem within

Comment is about 'New and invigorating ways to erode' - or 'the brain is impressively hard to control' (blog)

Profile image

Dave Morgan

Tue 29th Mar 2011 20:19

Never too sure where to log these responses but thank you all.

To Ann : yes it could have been much longer, a short story really, but I went for a minimalist approach, otherwise it would never have been finished, I work in short bursts, infrequently.

To Melanie : getting a non-cerebral response is a great compliment, thank you.

To Antonioni : naturally I didn't know it would end like that until I started typing. It was just a series of impressions or scenes. They could have gone in virtually any order, other than the first and last.

To Marianne : Yes I went to see NW and enjoyed (?) it immensely, because it dared take it's time. I think the Japanese are among those people who see life and death somewhat differently.Ballantines, features in one scene. My father's favourite whisky.

To Julian :I'm glad it's pictorial, as they say a picture tells.....etc

To Ray : It sure could be tidied up. I think I could have left it overnight to cook. See what it read like in the morning,

I've had this poem brewing since March 11. I didn't know when it would appear or how. Last night I lit my first fire of the year and sat out enjoying every minute. Yes I had revisited Murakami's "after the quake" so some stolen images. The first line came to me as I watched the embers, and then a number of ideas followed. I knew if I didn't get them down soon they would evaporate. Can't write using pen and paper any more, the process gets in the way and can never read my own writing. Took a bundle of ideas to the laptop when the fire burnt out and knocked this out. Dangerous calling somebody by a made up name. Could mean Mr Shitface in Japanese for all I know.

Thanks again.

Comment is about Plum blossoms in snow (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Profile image

Julian (Admin)

Tue 29th Mar 2011 19:35

what a load of... Peter, I hate you!
What I am trying to say is, I was going to say that!
But I didn't
perhaps I couldn't
not mad enough,
not got the balls
or the vocabulaire
not sad enough
not cooper Clarke enough
though now he has gone mainstream
you are he to the power of many
DO NOT STOP WRITING PETER
KEEP PERFORMING
UNTIL THEY COME FOR YOU
they will have to get past us
scary thought
Rachel - brilliant essay inspired by peter.
Peter, you inspire.

Comment is about 'New and invigorating ways to erode' - or 'the brain is impressively hard to control' (blog)

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Tue 29th Mar 2011 19:09

Good poem. I like the way the subject of the poem mixes a cold analytical part of her brain with the bit that "lets rip". Maybe you've summed up what being a student these days involves? (It was half a cider in my day!)

Comment is about The Student (blog)

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Tue 29th Mar 2011 19:02

This is very impressive poem IMO. So much held back, made me think of Ishiguru's stories.

Comment is about Plum blossoms in snow (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Tue 29th Mar 2011 19:00

I got very involved in this Andy. Good one! Some great lines too - headless bees when you usually think of headless chickens, the blurr of helicopters, the crazed queen. xx

Comment is about Up on the Roof (Strangeways) (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Profile image

John Coopey

Tue 29th Mar 2011 16:27

Delighted to see such interest in high-brow kulcha.

Comment is about Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Profile image

Anna Percy

Tue 29th Mar 2011 16:17

If you have translucent you don't need ''barely there'' thats over egging the pudding. Solid yet vacuous is an oxymoron I would recommend examing it or altering its some way ''seemed solid yet vacuous'' or something along those lines. I really like the rest of this those were just the two things I'd recommend looking at in future drafts.

Comment is about Anish and the Moon (blog)

Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Profile image

Rebecca Audra

Tue 29th Mar 2011 16:13

Thanks Marianne, I've written a few based on my feelings about Anish Kapoor's sculptures, this is one. It sounds like you feel slightly how I felt looking at his stuff, which makes me happy.

Comment is about Anish and the Moon (blog)

Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Profile image

Marianne Louise Daniels

Tue 29th Mar 2011 16:06

I really enjoyed this, particularly the agitation in the lines that change the roles of the stone and moon, liken to the line "with lies, with the truth of a lie that makes you think twice". Identity, out of grasp, real if you can project it elsewhere - a sadness I felt when the character throws the moon for it to become a stone, solid but static almost,and stopped, without a role. A moon can contain so much movement, a stone has to be moved by another....this is becoming quite fragmented, I apologise, I like the thought spark that this piece of writing has created in me, even if a little intangible.
Thanks for posting.

Comment is about Anish and the Moon (blog)

Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Profile image

Rachel McGladdery

Tue 29th Mar 2011 16:01

Thanks Dave, it may have more to come yet, I really don't know, just the images sort of came at me earlier on...it may become a series :) x

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Profile image

Rachel McGladdery

Tue 29th Mar 2011 15:59

Thanks for the comment Steve, yep, pain and pleasure, very Catholic! :) x

Comment is about Steve Regan (poet profile)

Original item by Steve Regan

More Comments

◄ Prev123 … 294 … 588 … 882 … 1176 … 1470 … 1764 … 2058 … 2352 … 24132414241524162417 … 2646 … 293729382939Next ►

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message