Question 17 on the census form “is left intentionally blank.”

Pull the other one: there was a question there once.

 

Do you surreptitiously pick your nose

when you think no one is looking?

Do you have trouble sleeping /

get up in the night at all hours,

worrying about things left undone,

or things you did, and shouldn’t have?

 

Are you happy in your job/ marriage/ relationship?

Tick box as appropriate.

Which football team do you support?

Are you a trainspotter / stamp collector/

tube train bum pincher/ would-be serial killer?

Again, tick the appropriate box.

 

Are /were your parents proud of you?

Will your children care for you

in your old age? Will they care at all?

Where would you like to travel to?

Bognor / Barcelona/ Bermondsey?

Tick one, please.

 

Have you ever met the Queen/ prime minister/

Cliff Richard / Madonnna/ Maradona?

Have you ever wanted to?

Did you use to / do you still

pee in the bath / sea / street?

What did you always want to do, and probably never will?

 

This could go on all day, every day.

So many questions: they barely scratched the surface.

Whatever the question was, they thought better of it.