Hi again, Chris, I have just updated my poem and altered several lines. :o) Thanks again.
Comment is about Chris Co (poet profile)
Original item by Chris Co
Many thanks Ann. I'm looking forward to participating.
Mike
Comment is about Michael Lewin (poet profile)
Original item by Michael Lewin
The premises is provocative...the imagery well constructed - with some memorable phrases. The care behind the whole is clear to see.
Comment is about Prism in Shade (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Just a mite depressed by some of the misery that appears...as if there wasn't enough in the world.
This was recorded in his studio by the ever obliging Pete Dymond and his excellent singer Marcie Summers.
Check them out on YouTube.
Comment is about WHEN YOU WALKED INTO MY LIFE (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Kiss empty of Bliss...?
Good one, Laura!
Comment is about Prism in Shade (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Steve,
Tried to follow the `clues` in this...(I know someone who plays the card game interminably)
The single lines say it more concisely: There`s no option really, so just sit there and let it happen...The rest of the poem gainsays the bit about starting fires, and even the spring, when it comes, is `late and cold`...the total effect is acceptance of Life.
The form puts the `story` over well (but, for me,
dismally)...as one of the `hardening arteries` I couldn`t disagree with the `story` less.
Comment is about Patience (blog)
Original item by STEVE RUDD
Laura,
good poem indeed.
It is well capable of applying to a wider, more
universal application.
Why not `Life without risk` ?
(I know I risk execution for demoting `love`)
Comment is about Prism in Shade (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Here in Cornwall there has been considerable regeneration going on in the Redruth area and Bob Deveraux (who is a fab person and poet and runs the May & September St Ives Festivals) has some of his poems carved into rocks on the site. There is a website about Heartlands but it seems to be down at the moment :( So I've just pinched the following from Bob's info site.
"Heartlands
Heartlands is a new visitor attraction developed on land that was once part of the tin mining industry in West Cornwall. Now part of the “Cornish Mining Landscape World Heritage Site”, mine buildings have been restored and developed into art exhibition space and gardens have been designed to tell the story of Cornish emigrants around the world. A poem by Bob about these emigrants (the “Cornish Diaspora”) is carved into
12 granite boulders that form a work by David Mackie entitled “Seams and Veins”."
Comment is about Simon Armitage, Marsden rock star (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hi Michael - welcome to WOL. I hope you will enjoy becoming part of the site.
Comment is about Michael Lewin (poet profile)
Original item by Michael Lewin
Cheers all
Erm, yeh, might pass on that title Ray! Yup - 'bond' works better (y'hear that Rach? heh), thanks, have changed that now.
Yes - I do intend 'crackled' as it gives a sound and an image :)
Thanks Rach - will keep berryless bramble, cos I really like the sound of it.
Still not stuck on a title yet. Can't call it 'Love is' cos that's too much like those endless bloody cartoon strips. 'Bed of dust' dunt quite get across what I'm saying.
Hmmm.
Ta though :)
Comment is about Prism in Shade (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
how'd you get a whole orchestra in your house to do this MC?
Lovely words. 2 love songs in a row. Are you going soppy on us? XX
Comment is about WHEN YOU WALKED INTO MY LIFE (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Too true...the ignorance and insouciance of youth. A great read.
Comment is about Civvies (blog)
Thank God I don't like football. But as a mancunienne with a foot in both camps I can currently claim 'We won! We won!. Te he. xx
Comment is about Fergie, Fergie (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Love it. Great images.You could call it 'Love is ...'
Comment is about Prism in Shade (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Zethembiso, thanks for your recent comment on 'tv' lyrics. i mentioned the band as i think its a great song. i quite often put song lyrics on to encourage them as a form of poetry, but i must admit its usually when i cant think of my own :p
a friend of mine taught me some swahili once, he was from nairobi. sadly my memory is terrible..i remember 'jumbo' but not sure how to spell it, but better still he showed me the african way to handshake! ;0
we painted big sheets with africa/uk designs for the church where we worked together in the cafe and played a lot of african music cds, it was definately evocative of an african way and certainly brightened up our dull grey english church :)
beautiful,
thanks again x
Comment is about zethembiso mkhize (poet profile)
Original item by zethembiso mkhize
I agree with Harry. Some powerful imagery and a definite flavour of Hopkins here.
A very evocative piece of writing.
Cate xx
Comment is about Bowers Row Second-hand Memories (blog)
Original item by C Richard Miles
Te he.... I want one.....I want one....
Cate xx
Comment is about Kitchen - Made (blog)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
as usual very well written with interesting verse structure and nice rhythm and flow,
but mostly fantastic content with fascinating imagery that both challenges and suggests intriguing metaphor.
i love it. dont care if its risky ;) i would say that for the 2nd verse i would have the berry with no bramble to describe the riskless love...but that is just my perspective, that riskless love may indulge the juices and bounty of the berry but not take with it the pain of the thorns that come with the risks of a partners prickly full personality. as ive said tho i like the challenges it presents. its great.
thanks laura, quality read x
ive heard for picking titles that a good method is to select a phrase from your own personal favourite line.
i would pick from this...bed of dust.
Comment is about Prism in Shade (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Here's my suggestion for a title: Then The Ann Summers Rep Burst Into Verse.
I liked this, this bit most of all
a berryless bramble, no flowers
or sweetness, or prickles on skin
For rhythm's sake you want "passionless bond"
Do you intend crackled in penultimate line, not cracked?
Comment is about Prism in Shade (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Thank you for your comments on "Surreal" Cynthia. I just needed to get my thoughts down, and here seemed to be as good a place as any.
I know what you mean about having to study and work hard to attain a certain level of sympathy as that did not come so naturally to me either.
Thanks again.
- Josh
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Brendan, I'd definitely be up for coming up and attempting to justify naming myself after my city of birth...
Comment is about Gary From Leeds (poet profile)
Original item by Gary From Leeds
Thanks Cynthia for comments on my Housel Bay Hotel poem - I have made a few changes (tho not to the audio - too lazy!) Changed the title too. Ta for the advice. xx
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Thanks all - I have made a few changes (tho not to the audio - too lazy!) Changed the title too. Ta for the advice. xx
Comment is about Waiting for Maxim . . . (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Harry -"Aristotle (somewhere)
talks about poetry using - sometimes - slightly strange, but relevant, words".I think it was probably Greece.
Thanks for the comments. The middle section, the couplets, can be better.
Originally, I did have "the cord is cut" but after a while it seemed too obvious and I also began thinking about vocal chords breaking. But I don't like it either. I'll come back to it one day.
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
Hi Tommy, thank you for your comments on The Tory Press and the Loony Left, much appreciated. :o)
Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Hi Chris, thank you for your kind comments on The Tory Press and the Loony Left, especially for your time taken with suggestions for helping the sonic lines. I am still considering these, and will probably change some of them; another pair of eyes can only be a good thing, so thanks again.
Comment is about Chris Co (poet profile)
Original item by Chris Co
Thanks for the words about my latest song post. I suppose the tune might be most accurately described as "based upon a theme by
Kingsley Mellanby". He was sending me music on
tape and I heard something in one sample that
resulted in the tune used for "When You Walked
Into My Life".
Thanks also for the response about your school
song. Writing for a school and a new generation is indeed a noble endeavour!
Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)
Original item by John Coopey
Brendan McPartlan
Tue 15th May 2012 19:43
Be nice to see you at Wicked Words if you plan on coming back to Leeds at any point.
Comment is about Gary From Leeds (poet profile)
Original item by Gary From Leeds
Lovely song, I enjoyed this, MC, and agree with your comments on Marcie Summers.
And thank you for your kind comments on Teardrops in My Coffee - I would love to have a tune written for the lyrics actually - I love music but afraid I'm rubbish at it!
Comment is about WHEN YOU WALKED INTO MY LIFE (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
I like the imagination in this. Thanks for the info. I do have one suggestion. In the 3rd stanza, last line, consider repetition of 'waiting for Maxim de Winter' (very intriguing, well worth emphasising) and drop the repeat 'table setting' idea. IMO, the 'pink bud' line is sufficient reminder.
Comment is about Waiting for Maxim . . . (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
This is a good theme, and well-handled, honest. I do like honest. I commend you on 'seemingly absurd'.
The surface appearance of a funeral and its exuberant 'wake' often has to be more deeply understood. Folk customs become just that because they have meaning; otherwise they'd die out naturally. The question is surely: which is more important after the service, the dead or the living? The surface gloss of the 'sermon' is nonsensical, I agree, but the glib words are just shorthand for very deep philosophy. Most people can't be bothered to think intensely about anything; they float along on these fine-sounding phrases without the foggiest idea of their value. Even the religious leaders.
Your poem set my own thoughts flying. I have so been through this anguish myself. I had to learn more, really study, and think, just to be in some sympathy with my fellow man.
Comment is about Surreal (blog)
Original item by Joshua Van-Cook
Good review, Julian. I would have loved being there also. Personal poetry carved in stones where the poet grew up is a thrilling idea; Mr Armitage must feel almost 'spiritual' about the whole concept - maybe his words will be a future 'link' to decipher an ancient Earth language.
Comment is about Simon Armitage, Marsden rock star (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Antony, I don't know how I could measure up to the review comments made on this extended profile, but if you have some small confidence in me, I shall try. Is there a time limit involved? Please send me a copy of your latest collection, and I'll have a run-through. If I find my reactions too shallow, and/or my ability to express my thoughts too narrow, I will discontinue.
My address is via email.
Comment is about Antony Owen (poet profile)
Original item by Antony Owen
It's fascinating the way changing one word can bring such different connotations. I can see why Laura likes 'cut' cos there is alliteration and it also re-inforces the purposeful separation - echoing what happens in childbirth.
For me 'broken' brought with it the idea of something imperfect - something that maybe couldn't be fixed...
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
<Deleted User> (5011)
Tue 15th May 2012 13:52
Addendum to the review:
Pip Hall was the plucky stonemason responsible for carving the words on the Pennine gritstones. The 'Beck' poem was carved on a boulder in the middle of a... well, a beck, or stream. At least, it was a stream when they did the survey. When she came to carve it the stream was in flood and poor Pip ended up working by standing in a waterfall for days on end.
I should also mention that the photo is: Rain at Cow's Mouth Quarry, Littleborough. © Pip Hall. Reproduced with permission.
Comment is about Simon Armitage, Marsden rock star (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Harry - I know, I make up words all the time too, but cords are pliable material, not rigid, so don't and can't break. It just jars with me.
Ray - smellevision is a concept that comes out of advertising I THINK. The idea's been around since I was a nipper, and how it works is that televisions emit smells of the stuff that's shown onscreen :) Sweaty socks, sausages, rotting stuff, flowers ;)
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
Ray,
Interested in the discussion about `broke`
between you and Laura. Aristotle (somewhere)
talks about poetry using - sometimes - slightly strange, but relevant, words. I think this is a demonstration.
By the way, when I looked at the title properly and `got` it (it`s my age) This is a good poem.
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
Thanks, Laura. I think cord is broke is just about ok, though I know what you mean. Those four lines you highlight are the ones I like least - I was trying to give some sense of a life passing very quickly. Excuse my ignorance but what is smellevision?
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
hi Harry, nah i dunno, depends on your POV. due to the strong topic matter, i think a couple of swear words are allowed. just my view. BUT...
Warhearts
A girl.
A guy.
Become one.
She works in the bar.
He drinks in the bar.
They leave in his car.
He drives.
She's his passenger.
Down dark roads they travel.
To where?
Not their normal route.
Venturing here or there.
Up in the air from here.
Something went wrong.
His car left the road.
Down an embankment.
Upside down in the river.
No crash barrier?
Trapped in the car.
Assistance came.
Off duty rookie cop.
Rookie no more after this crash.
Cop couldn't get the girl out due to the car being inverted.
Tried to save the girl.
Unable to give her air.
Got her drunken boyfriend to do it.
Her pulse increased.
For a while.
A battle lost.
Would it have been easier if the car was upright?
Boyfriend loses it.
She can't die!
She does.
Choice made.
Drink and drive.
Crash and murder your girlfriend.
Just like that.
A life taken due to stupidity.
How many times did this happen and he got away with it?
Not this time.
Throw the book at him.
Karma will screw him over.
Both man's and God's.
Lynette is dead.
-----------------
just for you, a sincere version with no swearing... thanx for reading, nick.
Comment is about Warhearts (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
As you say, MC, gentle.
Your words, I assume? Melody too?
Comment is about WHEN YOU WALKED INTO MY LIFE (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Chris, thank you for your comments, I am giving your suggestions some thought.
Comment is about The Tory Press And The Loony Left (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
And yet he was gracious in defeat.
Comment is about Fergie, Fergie (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
I considered the football clubs as spires to a differing religion; one that sits well with the religious and non religious alike hehe
Comment is about A SCOUSE CONGRATULATION (blog)
Nick,
Effective memorial done in a `private eye` rat tat sort of narrative style...But - even so -the `tits up` and `fuck` don`t belong in this kind of poem...(they spoil the sincerity)
Comment is about Warhearts (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
I want to gloat John but I can`t. I`m too busy
hiding from all my Evertonian mates.
Comment is about Fergie, Fergie (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Christian, Gas masks were fun (honest!)
With a piece of flat card over the air intake you could suffocate your best mate to death...
two kids in our school fainted...The `out` was to hook your finger in the tight bit under your ear and breathe.
Your poem is truer than you think.
Comment is about Civvies (blog)
<Deleted User> (5011)
Thu 17th May 2012 16:53
Wow, thanks Ann. Any more rock poetry, anyone? How about rock with poetry written right through it, like Blackpool?
Comment is about Simon Armitage, Marsden rock star (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman