A SCOUSE CONGRATULATION

Sunday 13th May 2012 1:54 pm (first posted Thursday 10th May 2012 10:25 pm)

(The poem no one commissioned me to write for the Queen`s jubilee.).

Greetings, Ma`am, from our particular city,

Our own beloved mass of masonry,

And though the stranger may not think it pretty,

We are glad to be

We dwell up here beside our windy river

(The sea drives in and scours us twice a day)

And though betimes it makes us blanche or shiver

It never, ever, stops our work or play.

Our fathers were a mix of mingled peoples,

Scots and Welsh, raw Irish, country clods,

All around us half a score of steeples

Worship our differing gods.

We breed our share of poets and musicians,

Pop and sonnets, rock and modern verse.

We`re free and, lady, no mere politicians

Ever called us theirs.

We boast a bit but, lady, please don`t mind us

Most of what we boast is said in play.

But, should it ever need, be sure you`ll find us,

Loyal…(but in our Liverpudlian way).

Comments

Chris Co

Mon 14th May 2012 22:39

I considered the football clubs as spires to a differing religion; one that sits well with the religious and non religious alike hehe

Harry O'Neill

Sun 13th May 2012 14:14

Chris and Yvonne,
You were both right,it does end it better...changed it...also deleted the original last stanza as being a bit too braggy and sycophantic...and substituted `differing` for the over P.C. `amiable` in the third.

THANKS for the positive criticism.

For Chris:
Couldn`t find an atheist spire anywhere...and as for Everton?...hold on a minute. I`m all for this ecumenical stuff but some things are just a step too far (do you realise, they might finish higher in the league than us this year...be reasonable man!)

Yvonne Brunton

Fri 11th May 2012 21:06

I agree with Chris about .....Liverpudlian way making a cracking final line.
Loved the sentiments.

Chris Co

Fri 11th May 2012 13:08

Enjoyable Harry,

'beloved mass of masonry' is a nice alliterative turn of phrase. I like the idea that in some way we are the buildings, or they are a part of us. In some sense of course the latter is true.

Obviously I'm not religious and though I note you don't account for us atheists in your third verse lol j/k...I do like your use of language. Oddly the use of the word gods in the plural, rather than the singular can allow for the consideration of Everton and Liverpool football clubs. Not sure if you deliberately considered multiple interpretations here, but it is a nice thought :)

One thing I would add by way of subjective criticism;

Personally I would either lose the last verse or rework some of its lines to create an earlier verse. It could be just me, but I think you have your killer last line at the end of your penultimate verse.

Loyal...(but in our Liverpudlian way). In the setting of that verse is very good and I can't see you ending on a higher or indeed more wry/apt note than that.

Best

Chris

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A SCOUSE CONGRATULATION

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