Bravo.
Comment is about What a lot of nonsense: celebrating Edward Lear's 200th birthday (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
I get very jealous of those on here who can play instruments (you don`t know how lucky you are) I agree with John, this sounds like a winner.
Comment is about UNTIL I SAW YOUR FACE - a love song lyric (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Chris and Yvonne,
You were both right,it does end it better...changed it...also deleted the original last stanza as being a bit too braggy and sycophantic...and substituted `differing` for the over P.C. `amiable` in the third.
THANKS for the positive criticism.
For Chris:
Couldn`t find an atheist spire anywhere...and as for Everton?...hold on a minute. I`m all for this ecumenical stuff but some things are just a step too far (do you realise, they might finish higher in the league than us this year...be reasonable man!)
Comment is about A SCOUSE CONGRATULATION (blog)
Is the term 'an honest MP' an oxymoron?
Why are MPs allowed to stand for anywhere in the country instead of only being allowed to represent their home area ( a bit like the yorkshire cricket player rules)
How has Switzerland survived without joining the EU?
How long is a piece of string?
Comment is about The Tory Press And The Loony Left (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Great theme of 'you don't miss what you never had. I especially like the lines
'Love was a caller disinclined
To come knocking at my locked door'
Comment is about UNTIL I SAW YOUR FACE - a love song lyric (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Comment is about UNTIL I SAW YOUR FACE - a love song lyric (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Hi Tommy,
Thanks for your comment on 'Kitchen - Made'. I am just waiting for someone to order one as well,now!
Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Hi Cynthia,
Thanks for you comments on Kitchen - Made. I see what you mean about the last line It would be punchier but it leaves me with a missing rhyme and perhaps the possessive 'my' reinforces the volte face. XX
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Thanks, Isobel.I can see me spending the rest of my life searching for an apt title for this sodding poem.By Poor Poem I mean in the sense of "Ah, poor poem!"feeling sorry fot it. The sentiments apply to any poem, though it's true a lot of mine are poor!I could call it Labour, I suppose, summat like that.
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
The term 'loony left' is in the same vain as 'Lazy blacks' and 'stupid Irish' i'm sure readers can add to that list.
Another misnomer is 'the country' in reference to an equality of gains and loss and unity of purpose pertaining to the population as a whole. Any dim-wit (I am most definitely NOT including yourself in this Lynn) can tell the massive disparity that exist between differing sections within society in terms of income and opportunity and social aims.
As for the role of the 'socialist leaderships' of the working class, it (the working class) has a long tradition of 'support' for Social Democratic parties and Unions because of the very many gains made by workers in their support of those organisations.
Very many workers absent themselves from the 'political process' owing to disillusionment in that process and an historical betrayal of them by their 'leaders'. The 'leadership' of the working class have also suffered the abandonment of the said principles that have been forged in battle with the ruling class and the sacrifices made in the defense of jobs, communities and their children's future.
Too many people mock those principles and the sacrifices made by millions of women and men fighting for those futures.
And Lynn, as for 'honesty' to solve those problems, well the Capitalists (and their executive branch the Tory party) backed up with the right wing press would (and do)scoff at such demands. Having said that Lynn I proffered the same demand 'Honesty'(in a discussion with friends) years before the film which starred Jim Carrey in the film 'Liar Liar'appeared.
In closing Lynn I enjoyed reading your poem and welcome the debate it has raised. Tommy :o)
Comment is about The Tory Press And The Loony Left (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Well done Lynn, I've never seen my thoughts on this matter so well expressed.
Comment is about The Tory Press And The Loony Left (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
I'd say the poem is about what you say in the title - something you've created that isn't necessarily good enough to survive close scrutiny. And no - it doesn't take long before anything drowns beneath the weight of others - particularly on this site :)
It's a metaphor I've seen used in this way before, but maybe not taken to the same extremes.
'After thoughts just rot inside the skin' - I can identify with that. I think we've all released something out into the ether that we are less than happy with. It's hard to work up the enthusiasm to change it, once it has gone - and if we accept the ideas of other people too much, it ceases to feel like our own poem. It becomes bastardised - to continue your metaphor... :)
I struggled with the line 'A cord is broke' I want to add an n.
Other than that, an interesting read.
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
Sounds like a winner, MC. Will you re-post when it's sett music?
Comment is about UNTIL I SAW YOUR FACE - a love song lyric (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Thanks, Steve and Yvonne. Much as I liked the previous title it was maybe OTT. Anyhow, I've tried to alter the tone a little.
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
looking forward to reading here matey.. will be a top afternoon.. andy
Comment is about 10 Day Countdown/Robin Hood Anthology Manchester Launch (blog)
Original item by Ushiku Crisafulli
My sister has an African Grey parrot - which
is lord of all it surveys from its spacious cage facing out of the window on to the street
a few yards away. Occasionally, she takes him into the garden and gives him a shower and he
seems more than happy to find his way back into
his cage home without any encouragement. These
birds - they walk around in the wild - seem
strangely content and reassured by their defined home surroundings altho' I am not in
favour of other breeds being caged. In other
days and in other countries still, you could/can buy a caged bird for the pleasure of letting it fly free. A worse side to caged
birds is the Italian shooting season when the
latins shoot at just about everything that is
flying/migrating overhead.
Comment is about Bird in a Cage (blog)
Writing for such a good cause is to be applauded heartily.
It gets better as it goes on. The vocal line becomes more reognisable as the youngsters get
used to the tune, and if I were to offer a songwriter's tip - discard the last two of each
four last line repeats and place real emphasis the 2nd (last) of what remains.
You can have too much of a good thing and it
runs the risk of seeming to be "forced".
Comment is about Together (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
On the subject of long term effects...good or bad -
we are witnessing demonstrations by public sector workers in defence of pensions. Fair
enough, but these are paid for by the private
sector - and who plundered the most admired
private pension system in the world to the
tune - it is recently reported - of many tens of billions whilst harping on piously about "prudence"? Why, a certain socialist
Chancellor/Prime Minister, that's who!
I bet these marchers, with their union banners very much in evidence, happily voted for his Party and its policies before the piper began to call the tune and a little reality set in.
"Chickens coming home to roost" comes to mind.
Comment is about The Tory Press And The Loony Left (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
we all need freedom especially the feathered kind and this poem makes me want to fly away x
Comment is about Bird in a Cage (blog)
Very clever and funny and only too true, as we succumb to advertising. A suggestion - consider the last two lines as:
'So...
When can you deliver!'
Short, punchy, and maybe, even funnier. The rest of the line is a given anyway.
Comment is about Kitchen - Made (blog)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
Thank you MC for your comments. I am sure you are right in as much as the Tories believed their measures were what the country needed for the long term. But they are hardly working, when they are needing to borrow even more money for unemployment, while receiving less tax revenue. Added to that more and more people have no money to spend in a consumer based society, which hits many of our businesses, creating still more unemployment.
I have mixed views on the EU, but certainly take your point, and I admire your optimism that things will be better in a year or maybe three.
Greg,
Thanks for comment, yes, you are right, but my point was - where is the loony left these days?!
Comment is about The Tory Press And The Loony Left (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Vote loony left, is what I say, Lynn!
Comment is about The Tory Press And The Loony Left (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
The unanswered question is WHY would any elected political party actually choose to make unpopular decisions that might prevent
its re-election? Since that suggests self-
destructing idiocy - and one can hardly imagine public school minds seeking that - perhaps the Tories really believe that they are obliged to do what they do...for the long
term. It's been said that a week is a lifetime in politics so who knows what people
will be saying in a year...let alone three...
when things are very likely to be better than now. Perhaps we should haul back on the billions we send each year to an unaccountable
political entity in Brussels and spend it closer to home. But I can just imagine the
cries of anguish from the Lib-Dems who vote
for anything EU and would have had us give up
our currency for the Euro.
Comment is about The Tory Press And The Loony Left (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Thank you all for your kind comments.The poem is i think still a work in progress. So shall re-post when I have edited it.
Comment is about Mother's girl (blog)
Original item by fiona sinclair
Thank you Laura for your great comment. I was asked had I been on stage when I was younger, but have always been a bit shy because of my deafness.
Hazel
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Thank you Lynn for your comment on Bird in a Cage.
Hazel
Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)
Original item by Lynn Dye
I can identify with this, Hazel. It doesn't seem right to me to keep birds in cages either, even more so after reading this, so well done.
Comment is about Bird in a Cage (blog)
Philipos
Fri 11th May 2012 21:21
Hi Greg, sounds like I missed a good night. Next time maybe!
CHEERS. P.
Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
I agree with Chris about .....Liverpudlian way making a cracking final line.
Loved the sentiments.
Comment is about A SCOUSE CONGRATULATION (blog)
By heck Ray, you gave me some uncomfortable feeling with this one.If, as Steve says, it's a metaphor for writing it is a jolly good one.Although writing is not as traumatic as excising the 'gems' one has produced that do not actually bear scrutiny. XX
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
Hello Phillip. Thanks for the comments on As It Is. Much appreciated. It's really just an ironic commentary on a religious text.Is that a Wigan kit you're wearing? Can we have your manager?
A Villa Fan
Comment is about Phillip Kelly (poet profile)
Original item by Phillip Kelly
I like the theme, the mutual emotional support over the dying father, and then, of each other physically: 'Can I sleep in here tonight?' At the end, knowing the worst scenario, and finally privy to 'the grown-up truth', 'pride' is a real twist, and yet, very universal.
Comment is about Mother's girl (blog)
Original item by fiona sinclair
well, Philip, as you can see I haven't, in fact I've got loads and loads of gigs all over the place, which means the public isn't as apathetic towards me as you'd obviously like :)
A
Comment is about ALBANIA! My Glastonwick festival! And LOADS and LOADS of gigs (blog)
Original item by Attila the Stockbroker
The review is a bit long-winded, but it does cover some good points.
In my opinion, we are now completing a full circle back to the bards of ancient years, the oral traditions in all cultures, mostly minus the musical instrument. 'Performance poetry' can be, and often is, barely more than prose turned/versed as the performer pleases, according to audience feedback. What exactly makes it poetry, except that the performer says it is so, and the audience doesn't object? I think the 'open-mic' piece really should be 'a poem' with the basic skills of poetry crafting well observed, a 'work' that would be recognizable as 'a poem' on paper. What we really need is a completely NEW WORD to cover these performances. And concrete tuition in the theatrical presentation of a one-man show.
The above scenario is entirely separate from the gatherings of like-minded people who share their poetry in a spirit of friendship and mutual criticism. Such meetings, long in existence below the academic radar, are becoming more high profile in our popular culture.
Perhaps, the ideal is an 'open-mic' practice session, a 'stop-and-start again' idea where the participants are interactive. Then, the actual open-mic performance would be of much higher quality. These sessions would be at a level far below the current Slams, not competitive, more inclusive.
Comment is about Live Poetry: An Integrated Approach to Poetry in Performance by Julia Novak (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Thank you, Stef, wasn't too sure about this one, so good to get feedback. xxx
Comment is about Forgotten Hero (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Enjoyable Harry,
'beloved mass of masonry' is a nice alliterative turn of phrase. I like the idea that in some way we are the buildings, or they are a part of us. In some sense of course the latter is true.
Obviously I'm not religious and though I note you don't account for us atheists in your third verse lol j/k...I do like your use of language. Oddly the use of the word gods in the plural, rather than the singular can allow for the consideration of Everton and Liverpool football clubs. Not sure if you deliberately considered multiple interpretations here, but it is a nice thought :)
One thing I would add by way of subjective criticism;
Personally I would either lose the last verse or rework some of its lines to create an earlier verse. It could be just me, but I think you have your killer last line at the end of your penultimate verse.
Loyal...(but in our Liverpudlian way). In the setting of that verse is very good and I can't see you ending on a higher or indeed more wry/apt note than that.
Best
Chris
Comment is about A SCOUSE CONGRATULATION (blog)
Hello Cynthia. I didn't know that about it/Id. So thanks for that.I like the idea of subplots/buried meaning, though I'd have to say that's not what subplots are generally supposed to mean.
Comment is about it (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
I really like this - can identify with parts of it too.
I like how it moves through from the vulnerability and pain of the childhood, to the knowledge and understanding of the adult. Funny how the power dynamic shifts as you get older isn't it?
Comment is about Mother's girl (blog)
Original item by fiona sinclair
Eh, and cheeky - I bloody well don't laugh at the bosses jokes! ;p He doesn't know any, for a start!
Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
<Deleted User> (10241)
Fri 11th May 2012 03:07
Wow Tommy what a poem the last verse especially. Your poetry is breathtaking!
Comment is about On stolen sheets (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
<Deleted User> (10241)
Fri 11th May 2012 03:04
And for my experience of your poem "becomes" is better as these last few words describes the man's relationship now, the rest of the poem relating the "before " of his story.
Comment is about A Lady's dismissal (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
<Deleted User> (10241)
Fri 11th May 2012 02:45
Oh this is really good Tommy, brilliantly clever imagery.
You have woven the start and end of a relationship from just a few short verses.
The steamy hot flush of new love: your names inside hearts on windows, which are altered and changed by the temperature drying out causing condensation "tears" to dribble down the window and the "smile becomes a snear"
True poetry.
Comment is about A Lady's dismissal (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
<Deleted User> (10241)
Fri 11th May 2012 01:56
Another peach in your collection John, I've decided to read one of your poems a day to cheer me up. You should make a CD it would be a big hit. I'd definitely order one!
Comment is about Mammaries Are Made Of This (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
<Deleted User> (10241)
Fri 11th May 2012 01:33
Im a bit sheepish to admit but this is so funny-ewe definately have a brilliant sense of humour matched only by your craftsmanship skill. Parody on I 'm loving it!
Thank you also for the lovely comments on my dittys-I wasn't up early just not gone to sleep. Got carried away with reading these wonderful poems. This site is just amazing. It's like a window has opeñed into a world of beautiful places to explore.
Comment is about I Got Ewe Babe (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
<Deleted User> (10279)
Sun 13th May 2012 15:34
Your poetry makes me smile...great stuff, Attila
Comment is about Attila the Stockbroker (poet profile)
Original item by Attila the Stockbroker