On stolen sheets

entry picture

 

I washed her

from my pillow-slips.

 

In a white plastic bucket

I soaked away her body's breath,

and with bleach removed

the evidence she had  left.

 

We snatched the time

to make our marks

with sweat and 

firm commitments.

 

The stains on stolen sheets

proved easier to erase

than those she ground into

the fabric of my room,

 

I watched as

traces of our time

together

turned the water dark.

 

◄ She lies sleeping

A Lady's dismissal ►

Comments

Debbie Houghton

Fri 11th May 2012 03:07

Wow Tommy what a poem the last verse especially. Your poetry is breathtaking!

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 6th May 2012 15:35

This is terrific - for me, one of your best. A complete capture from the first two lines, and it just kept getting better.

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Laura Taylor

Wed 2nd May 2012 09:10

What Winston said - this is fantastic Tommy, you're on a roll at the moment eh?

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Yvonne Brunton

Mon 30th Apr 2012 18:38

Strong stuff! The clipped phrases really heighten the emotive element of this poem.

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jane wilcock

Mon 30th Apr 2012 15:03

Great, really moody.

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Tommy Carroll

Mon 30th Apr 2012 11:48


Cheers Win- I had struggled with the 4th myself and at 3am called it a night. Thanks for the comments and advice. Tommy

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winston plowes

Mon 30th Apr 2012 09:48

Tommy, Had to comment on this one as it grabbed me by the throat and demanded it. The collection of NUS card and photo ephemera really adds to the words. Strong opening. viciously real second stanza. Loved the rhythm and sylable count of third stanza. Might fiddle with the 4th (the repeated were and otherwise a bit clunky). 'Turned the water dark' Fabulous. A great poem Tommy. Win x

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