I think the clue is in stanza four.
Comment is about Afraid Of The Dark (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Timely this, Ian, with that Ebola beginning to
seep its way in. You never know if we might need the space again.
Comment is about Excavating Aldgate Tube Station (1876) (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Dave,
A bit of an ominous one this....Maybe it`s the reason we`re not having so many of them.
(hope the ankle`s healed okay, and you`re doing
all the trekking again)
Comment is about Risky business (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
John,
If ever a poor girl, looked like she needed a drink! (I think Yvonne has gone on drugs)
Lovely humorous bit of rhymin`!
Comment is about Our Gert She's Not a Drinker (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Chris we`re aiming for Chester on Thursday...hope to see you and Nat there!
Comment is about Chris Co (poet profile)
Original item by Chris Co
I liked this. One of the things poetry does is to sensitise us to what we might otherwise miss and this poem does that memorably.
Comment is about Sheepless (blog)
Original item by Twilbury Wist
I enjoyed this Candice, at least partly because of the challenge it contains. I'm not on Twitter but do enjoy Facebook in moderation. it has addictive qualities and a capacity for undermining simple enjoyment in just the way you describe. "What product are we making anyways?" Indeed.
Comment is about Pre-SocialMedia Times (blog)
Original item by Candice Reineke
Great poem and a really good start can't wait to read more from you mr waters
Comment is about Is this my truth (blog)
Original item by Mr Waters
Love this, Natalie! Simple truth. Refreshing to know, innately difficult to believe.
Comment is about Different Styles (blog)
Hi,
thank you for the last post you have given me. I have been mulling it over, digesting it. Yes in many ways I think the same way as you do. But, I do fail to understand why the complete unfairness of our collective existence in this realm.
At least you understand the frustrations. Yet, you had the courage to voice your thoughts. My supposition is that many feel the same way as you and I, but are still fearful, both of themselves and the world in which they live.
You are brave Mister Newberry. I hope you can imbue that upon others, in some way, so they too, can explore freedoms of conversation.
Your comments were well received. Keep going blue.
Best wishes from Mike
x
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Thank you Ian for commenting on all things green, my recent post.
My guess is you have been there yourself. Anyways, if you have not, then you have most certainly inspired me to keep writing.
Thank you
mike
x
Comment is about Ian Whiteley (poet profile)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
great stuff Mike - I can almost smell the green seeping through your words. Really like the rhythm and metre of this - fine anti-morality tale - still keeping the good stuff coming mate ;-)
Comment is about A Jealous Recreation - Denied (blog)
Original item by Noetic-fret!
Hello Crystal ,
Yes the counter records the number of times someone has looked at your page.
Regards,
Graham
Comment is about Spoken_Thoughts (poet profile)
Original item by Spoken_Thoughts
Cecilia, why don't you put this to an audio and post it with the poem. I'm sure the music would be entrancing even if most of us don't understand the words.
(Incidentally i did some work in Miskolc a few years ago at a coalmine called Lyukobanya)
Comment is about KS (Emlékére) (blog)
Original item by Cecilia Kovacs
The theology of this has often puzzled me, Ian.
Sloth, Gluttony and Greed are my sins. Anger, Pride and Avarice I'm Ok with. That's 3-3.
So Lust is the Gamebreaker.
So my theological question is this: do you have to have committed Lust or is thinking about it enough to get you a Fail?
Comment is about BEASTS (blog)
Original item by Ian Gant
Lovely rhythm, Gus, and vivid imagery. I particularly like the repetitions.
Comment is about The Wake of Dawning (blog)
Original item by Gus Jonsson
Yes indeed, MC, we have outlived the Great Man. But we all shuffle nearer the front of the queue!
Comment is about SCAN THE MAN! (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Many thanks for the kind comments, Anthony. I think you misinterpret Our Gert's expression. That's not wistful; she's telling the barman "Shut that f*cking bar if you dare!"
As for Lamela - I'd be happier if he scored a tap-in a game rather than a Special every flood.
Comment is about Our Gert She's Not a Drinker (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
thanks for commenting on 'weird sisters' Martin - enjoyed doing that one, something a bit different :-)
Ian
Comment is about Martin Elder (poet profile)
Original item by Martin Elder
"She cuts her sugar intake
Preferring wine that('s) “brut”
And counts it in her five-a-day
Cos grapes, of course, are fruit."
Nice one JC! The rhyming - and the linguistic contortions to achieve it, are priceless John - especially that last line. This may be a "flippant" little anecdote, but I always appreciate your ability and precision.If those who are inclined to use rhyme/rhythm would use it as well as you do the world would be a much better place (slight exaggeration maybe, but at least I'd feel better!)
Forgive my forwardness, but what, pray, was the factor that drove poor Gert to this sorry state of insobriety? In the photograph (a comely lass) she has a wistful, exhausted air, as if yearning for days past; what (who) could it be that has driven the poor girl to this . . . ?
Regards,
A.E. :)
p.s. That Lamela goal was just "showing off." Do you reckon he'll try it again?
Comment is about Our Gert She's Not a Drinker (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
It really is, Ken and No she doesn't!
Comment is about Our Gert She's Not a Drinker (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Kenneth Eaton-Dykes
Fri 24th Oct 2014 14:06
Very funny bet she's good company.
Is that really Gert in the picture? does she know about this?
Comment is about Our Gert She's Not a Drinker (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
I ought to add the credit - this is almost a ringer in theme for that excellent and superior poem by Steve Morris "A Boozer's Tale".
Comment is about Our Gert She's Not a Drinker (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
What next for Harry Kane, Graham? reffing the match? selling the programmes? working the turnstiles?
Comment is about Our Gert She's Not a Drinker (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Reminds me of someone I know!
Lamela Lamela Lamela!!!!!!!
Comment is about Our Gert She's Not a Drinker (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Cheers chaps!
Blimey Is - must be a good un! ;D
Aye Rodney - would love to see her do her stuff. Seen a few youtube vids, but there's nowt like seeing people actually perform eh? There's an energy in live performances, that is missing in the virtual performance.
Comment is about Fishing in the Aftermath: Salena Godden, Burning Eye (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
<Deleted User> (13033)
Fri 24th Oct 2014 12:23
i love the rhyme and rhythm
Comment is about We Delight in the Beauty of the Butterfly (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Nice review. Salena is good on the page and even better in performance.
Comment is about Fishing in the Aftermath: Salena Godden, Burning Eye (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Great review Laura - it's rare that reviews make me want to reach for my wallet and buy a book, but this one does. I love the proof that performance poetry CAN work on the page too!
Comment is about Fishing in the Aftermath: Salena Godden, Burning Eye (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Aye mate - thought the same meself! :)
Comment is about Fishing in the Aftermath: Salena Godden, Burning Eye (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
A woman who takes no prisoners...much like your good self x
Comment is about Fishing in the Aftermath: Salena Godden, Burning Eye (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Laura
replied via facebook - don't want to give over the meaning here - otherwise I could have just written a paragraph of explanation and left the dark nuances of the poem out of the equation ;-)
Comment is about Afraid Of The Dark (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Thank you Marc, appreciate your note on my poem for my friend.
Comment is about Marc Anthony (poet profile)
Original item by Marc Anthony
:D thanks for the note Anthony - glad you liked it. Ha - epicurean porn eh?
What did you put on your butty? A pie?
Comment is about Winter Belly Love Poem (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
"Loves to indulge in custardy puds,
treacley syrupy chocolatey sponge,
melty and lickety velvety troughs.
Oh yes,
my belly adores you."
Pure epicurean pornography - disgusting! Made me smile (in empathetic anticipation) and realise that I am now absopigginlutely ravenous! Off for a butty - now look what you've done!
Regards,
A.E.
Comment is about Winter Belly Love Poem (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Hi S.T,
And welcome to W.o.L. I caught sight of Graham's comment below re posts disappearing and followed the trail to this little gem of a poem! (I read all your other stuff along the way.) Out of the poems you have posted this one stands out to me. You have taken a "universal statement" -
In life there is no
guarantee of anything -
and done something very clever with it. It's intelligently written, (maybe one or two little grammar niggles, (but nothing to worry about; a little re-read and edit easily fixes those) accessible and speaks to every one of us.
I have singled this out from your other poems because it has a different voice. Your other work seems to be very personal and is clearly your "voice" - although I realise they may not be autobiographical. The voice of this poem is more that of an anonymous narrator - it could be anyone writing or speaking these words. This, for me, strengthens to poem, e.g. if you had written, instead of:
"There is no guarantee of happiness."
I know there is no guarantee of happiness
I feel there is no guarantee of happiness
I think there is no guarantee of happiness
It becomes an opinion rather than a statement, and the voice becomes less plausible. I like the way you have set the poem out, it flows well and would be good to hear - how about posting an audio? It's not too difficult to do. In terms of basics I would edit like this:
In life there is no (good opening statement)
guarantee of anything.
There is no guarantee of happiness.
There is no guarantee that we won't feel (be hurt or feel pain maybe?) hurt.
There is no guarantee that there won't
be (any) (perhaps think of cutting the "any", or tightening the whole line - something along the lines of - of a struggle free existence, charmed life etc.) struggles along the way.
There is no guarantee that anything (things?) will be easy.
There is no such thing as a guarantee. (This line is a real clincher - and a great place to pause. If you wanted more impact you could simplify to - There are NO guarantees.)
Life is something
(that - cut this maybe?) we cannot (do not?) truly understand.
(Because,- you could cut this - it gives more authority) no matter how many times
we ask and search for answers
there are no answers (to be) found.
In life there is no guarantee
(maybe replace and with it)(and)It is something we (cannot truly) (maybe just "do not" is stronger)
understand.
I hope you found this helpful - and not too critical of a poem I really enjoyed reading. It made me think - which is what all good poetry should aim for!
Regards,
A.E.
Comment is about No Guarantee (blog)
Original item by Spoken_Thoughts
Ha
Pertinent comment, lovely wry ending
Comment is about iMoron (blog)
Original item by Vic the Temp
Have you just completely dispensed with punctuation now Ian? There's a distinct lack of it in your recent blogs. There's an ellipsis there, but they do only have 3 dots.
This should be scary, but it isn't. It doesn't build any real suspense. I can see what you're trying to say, but so okay - the child goes to sleep, wakes up at, what, about 55? Alive? Or dead? If alive, why the skull? If dead, and relating to the skull, why the detail about eyes, a cough, and skin etc?
Comment is about Afraid Of The Dark (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Because the Bridport Prize people don't publish it, Joe. I think they want you to buy the anthology. However, if you go to Natalya's Twitter account https://twitter.com/AndersonNatalya, and scroll down, you can find a photo of the poem there that is quite easy to read.
Comment is about Natalya Anderson wins the £5,000 Bridport prize with her poem 'Clear Recent History' (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
why can't we see it here?
Comment is about Natalya Anderson wins the £5,000 Bridport prize with her poem 'Clear Recent History' (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hello again Crystal. Just a short message to let you know about the way the blog pages work.
Only the most recent entry will be shown on the blog page, all previous ones will be archived. So if you put several on in one go, only the last one will remain visible without sorting through the older ones.
Basically if you are looking for comments, it is usual for the most recent one to be seen more easily and attract comments, the older ones less so.
I hope this helps!
very best regards, and welcome once again.
Graham
Comment is about Spoken_Thoughts (poet profile)
Original item by Spoken_Thoughts
Isobel, thankyou for your comment on Orange County. It's much appreciated :D x
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Hello Gus, thanks so much for your comment on Orange County! It's much appreciated, I'm glad you could see the tones in the poem! Orange, peach, ginger! :D x
Comment is about Gus Jonsson (poet profile)
Original item by Gus Jonsson
ANDY! Thanks for your comment on Mania. Your kind words always encourage me. I really appreciate it. x
Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)
Original item by Andy N
I see problems afoot Nat.
Comment is about Listen (blog)
I've been pushing round my own thoughts since Saturday night wondering what the appropriate criteria are for appraising this performance which was part of the Manchester Literature Festival.
Good value for a tenner. KT is an accomplished and experienced performer and gave value for money. The standing applause from the mainly white, middle aged and probably middle class audience might presage things to come.
The last time I saw her was with her band at the Tudor House in Wigan maybe four years ago. I'd seen her before at Festivals. She was the real deal, giving 120%.( To be fair the whole band was very good). I thought no-one can keep that up, shades of Janis Joplin.This departure makes sense. Good luck to her.
Judy is right, her clarity is penetrating, but it does expose some of the rapper's need for using two words where one might do. Her short poems did her justice. Clear, simple, universal
stirring emotion in me and a large audience, who obviously had writerly sympathies (not too sure if that's grammatical)and know what it is to seek or find solace in the works of others. She pays her dues.
Had she not been so good I might have cringed at the naivety and didacticism of some of the numbers and her asides to the audience. The world is shit. No the world is awesome. Some people are shit. Most of us are, at some point or another. We are animals not gods.
So KT, you know what is happening to you. It is what most young spoken word performers dream of. You've made it. Well done. You deserve it. But as they say you should be careful what you wish for, it might come true. And please, please , please never turn up on Buzzcocks or any other of those cheesy panel games for wannabees and has beens.
Comment is about Kate Tempest, Manchester, 2014 (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Harry O'Neill
Sat 25th Oct 2014 15:19
It all depends on what `the little assassins` are
assassinating.
Comment is about Sheepless (blog)
Original item by Twilbury Wist