Our Gert She's Not a Drinker

entry picture

 

Our Gert she’s not a drinker

To speak of any more

Just a glass at dinner time

She says that it’s the law.

 

Sometimes she’ll go for days on end

And never touch a drop

Apart from pints of lemonade

All with a lager top.

 

And if she’s doing Weightwatchers

Where booze counts as a “Sin”

She drinks that slim-line tonic

With just a splash of gin.

 

She cuts her sugar intake

Preferring wine that “brut”

And counts it in her five-a-day

Cos grapes, of course, are fruit.

 

Our Gert she’s not a drinker

To speak of any more

Just a glass at dinner time

And maybe one before.

 

Then at the quiz the other night

We thought we’d have to pass

“What were Mozart’s Christian names?”

She got it, “It’s Wolf Blass”.

 

Because I am teetotal

She doesn’t drive, so then

I put her in the wheelbarrow

And push her home again.

 

She’s very indecisive

Between the white and red

And sometimes chooses neither

But has a port instead.

 

You’d think they would not let her give

Her blood; but not a bit!

They value its high alcohol

To sterilise their kit.

 

Our Gert she’s not a drinker

To speak of any more

Just a glass at dinner time

Well, maybe three or four.

 

Our Gert she hasn’t had a drink

Since 20 flippin’ 10

And now it’s 2030

It’s time for one again.

◄ Things Can Only Get Bitter

THE MONSTER GNASH ►

Comments

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John Coopey

Sun 26th Oct 2014 15:34

Thanks MC. Had Connectivity problems which kept me off the site.

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 26th Oct 2014 15:05

Good to see you back. We need the cheer your
lines of levity always bring!

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John Coopey

Sat 25th Oct 2014 17:31

Hello Harry. I would drive anyone to drink! Thanks for your thoughts.

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Harry O'Neill

Sat 25th Oct 2014 14:49

John,
If ever a poor girl, looked like she needed a drink! (I think Yvonne has gone on drugs)

Lovely humorous bit of rhymin`!

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John Coopey

Fri 24th Oct 2014 20:33

Many thanks for the kind comments, Anthony. I think you misinterpret Our Gert's expression. That's not wistful; she's telling the barman "Shut that f*cking bar if you dare!"
As for Lamela - I'd be happier if he scored a tap-in a game rather than a Special every flood.

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Anthony Emmerson

Fri 24th Oct 2014 14:33

"She cuts her sugar intake

Preferring wine that('s) “brut”

And counts it in her five-a-day

Cos grapes, of course, are fruit."


Nice one JC! The rhyming - and the linguistic contortions to achieve it, are priceless John - especially that last line. This may be a "flippant" little anecdote, but I always appreciate your ability and precision.If those who are inclined to use rhyme/rhythm would use it as well as you do the world would be a much better place (slight exaggeration maybe, but at least I'd feel better!)

Forgive my forwardness, but what, pray, was the factor that drove poor Gert to this sorry state of insobriety? In the photograph (a comely lass) she has a wistful, exhausted air, as if yearning for days past; what (who) could it be that has driven the poor girl to this . . . ?

Regards,
A.E. :)

p.s. That Lamela goal was just "showing off." Do you reckon he'll try it again?



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John Coopey

Fri 24th Oct 2014 14:12

It really is, Ken and No she doesn't!

Kenneth Eaton-Dykes

Fri 24th Oct 2014 14:06

Very funny bet she's good company.


Is that really Gert in the picture? does she know about this?

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John Coopey

Fri 24th Oct 2014 14:04

I ought to add the credit - this is almost a ringer in theme for that excellent and superior poem by Steve Morris "A Boozer's Tale".

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John Coopey

Fri 24th Oct 2014 14:00

What next for Harry Kane, Graham? reffing the match? selling the programmes? working the turnstiles?

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 24th Oct 2014 13:43

Reminds me of someone I know!

Lamela Lamela Lamela!!!!!!!

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