Oh goodness, sorry about the late response haha, I never received an email about this comment. I'm not too sure how to feel about this one myself :P It has a different feel to it than my normal pieces. I feel the other ones convey, or at least try to convey insight. This one feels more as if I, or the voice of the poem, is speaking from a point of power. Dignity and cadence as you say, I would say are two good words to describe it hahaha
Comment is about (blog)
Original item by Eric Berard
Much enjoyed the breadth and sympathy of this piece.
Comment is about Charred (blog)
Original item by Noetic-fret!
Your response to my comment on 'Touchdown' pretty much verifies my immediate response to your poem. I'm glad I stopped to read it. And I do think you made a lot of 'scores' in very few words. (joke - although I didn't intend it to be.)
Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)
Original item by ray pool
I wouldn't bloody forgive him! One of my favourite books of all time is that, and he is the last person anyone with any sense would put in the role of Heathcliff!
Comment is about HEATHCLIFF (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Wed 9th Mar 2016 11:04
Wow! Don't know what else to say really, but this is great, really enjoyed it. Love all the images, but particularly the Svalbard lines x
Comment is about when i love you next (blog)
Original item by Stuart Buck
Hehe, you're all clearly invited now :) Bring your own coconut shells!
Thanks chaps :) Makes a refreshing change to write something a bit lighter.
Thanks to Stu for his brilliant idea that we pinched :D
Comment is about Inappropriate (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
I've never been on the Watercress Line, Ray. We holiday a fair bit on the Hants/Dorset border and we've been on the Swanage Railway a few times.
Our Gert and me have been shareholders in the NYMR for about 25 years which gets us a free ride each year. They don't exactly doff their caps when they see us!
Comment is about The Moorland Train (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Great that you live up north John and enjoy the wilds that make up the background - I have to make do with the Watercress line in Hampshire; still worth the £100 footplate ride, though. Nice rolling style with a song structure. I love railway poetry, tha' knows.
Ray
Comment is about The Moorland Train (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Uniquely humorous and satirical with great writing - why wouldn't it be?
Ray
Comment is about Inappropriate (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
A great eulogy for a time past but lived day by day and a moving account on how precious life is.
Ray
Comment is about Lest I forget (blog)
Original item by Tramping Artisan
Quite gothic, like Rossetti or Byron maybe, Stu. Very colourful imagery and so expressive. Almost a transition to afterlife. I love tobacco crepe skin!
Ray
Comment is about when i love you next (blog)
Original item by Stuart Buck
steve mellor
Tue 8th Mar 2016 19:47
Hi MC
I do appreciate the comment regards my Referendum piece. Just a bit of fluff, but ....
And BOGOF, you couldn't make it up could you
Thanks again
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Yes indeed, MC. Fabulous growl of a voice that other JC. I agree about the hiccup in rhythm.
Comment is about The Moorland Train (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
The other JC loved his trains too! I have the CD of an LP
I bought years ago by the Man in Black: Ride This Train.
Great use of a classic Cash tune here by WOL's very own
JC.
I can't agree with AW's suggested line "The driver lets off
some steam" - a bit awkward in rhythm for the song line,
but I'd change the second line to - "When he sees the train guard's flag".
Comment is about The Moorland Train (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
steve mellor
Tue 8th Mar 2016 15:54
Thanks for your thoughts Harry.
I must admit that I wonder if the Tory Party will ever be the same, whichever way the vote goes.
For some reason, I keep getting an image in my brain of Boris taking over from Cameron (if it's a No) and having talks with Trump (as President).
I must go now as I feel a little nauseous
Again, thanks for taking the time to comment
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
Anna,
what a lovely, warm (rhymed) and amusing poem in praise of motherhood... even of the sick and pooey bits :)
(Or, as I used to complain to mine in this kind of weather; `Eee By gum mum, me bums numb`...and she`d give it a little rub.)
Comment is about We Are The Mums! (blog)
Original item by Anna Ghislena
No enthusiasm for steam trains, Harry? You must have been one of the girls that played with dolls!
The tune is entirely stolen; it's Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash.
Comment is about The Moorland Train (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
John,
This miserable old Git could never get enthusiastic about steam trains (it was those cinders)
Mind, as a miserable young twelve year old I didn`t even like cowboy films (takes all kinds)
I like that `hurry up` tune you picked for it - perfect!
Comment is about The Moorland Train (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
this is great ray. really lovely words and lots of lingering meaning.
Comment is about THE CYCLIST (blog)
Original item by ray pool
the idea of bicarbonate of chicken blasting out is enough for me to book my ticket.
Comment is about Inappropriate (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
very nice. clever use of the tattoo as a reflection. he seems pitiful.
Comment is about Tattoo (blog)
Original item by Leo
Thank you everyone! Glad you enjoyed it! A x
Comment is about We Are The Mums! (blog)
Original item by Anna Ghislena
Hehe cheers Graham :)
You know, the more I think about it, the more I really do want the Little Donkey/coconut shell procession! :D
Comment is about Inappropriate (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
*applauds*
Really well put together piece - poignant, poetic, pointing out so subtly the control of him over her. Been there, done that, bought the bloody shop.
Thank you for giving her a voice.
Comment is about Tattoo (blog)
Original item by Leo
Classy words these...........
"with my profile on one side
and Brel in silhouette on reverse.
A democracy of snot.
Let the criers decide"
..........I think I'll come to yours! (not wishing you gone of course).
Comment is about Inappropriate (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Tue 8th Mar 2016 08:47
Hi Anna-how very much I agree with every word! keep putting the word in for 'us' perhaps one day kids and partners will get the message! Thank you.Jemima.
Comment is about We Are The Mums! (blog)
Original item by Anna Ghislena
Thanks Martin - I don't sing (it's for the best!!) but I have read it over the piece that inspired it!
Ray - it's great to play I regret never learning properly - & I still dance in my head! X
Comment is about En Pointe (blog)
Original item by Pixievic
Mon 7th Mar 2016 23:13
Enjoyed your 'Johnny Cash' composition, good fun.
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Great rhythm worked around the caesuras. As some great man once said, "It's not the notes that count; it's the gaps inbetween".
Comment is about Scars are my stories (blog)
Original item by Marnanel Thurman
What domestic scene would be complete without a Goblin Teasmaid?
Comment is about Kitchen-Made (blog)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
Thanks, Adam. You can no doubt hear the dead hand of Johnny Cash in the tune (Folsom Prison Blues).
I think the second line you suggest improves mine but I prefer my first one as it keeps the iambic rhythm intact.
Many thanks for your kind comments.
Comment is about The Moorland Train (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
I love this!
"...As the platform eases by"
is particularly charming.
Would it be too obvious to say
' The driver lets off some steam
He's seen the train guard flag '
Great poem for a great train.
Comment is about The Moorland Train (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
If I was a performance poet I think I'd prefer any applause
to come after each poem - why should the final line plus
body language be that hard to communicate "the end" to an audience?
Volume (or lack) would act as an appreciation - or spur to greater things.
Comment is about Applause or the sound of silence - should you clap between poems? (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
This is a lovely poem Vicki that describes the pain and stress evident in this. It reads almost like a song to me.
Nice one.
Comment is about En Pointe (blog)
Original item by Pixievic
<Deleted User> (6895)
Mon 7th Mar 2016 16:49
Very nice Simon. I love the flow and pace of this poem that seems to positively rattle along with such verve and a great use of words. Nice one
Comment is about She (blog)
Original item by Simon Austin
This is a really great poem Tommy. I love the description of 'gathered gently like the corners of a folded towel'. Wonderful
Comment is about Her shadowed look (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
THanks Vicki; this account fleshes the whole thing out.
Sorry that it impacts in this way - I still play and try to give my best - working with younger people is great , as age is no real barrier!
Ray x
Comment is about En Pointe (blog)
Original item by Pixievic
thanks all - you are right, its a fine idea. urn or coffin shaped is a must.
Comment is about free bird (blog)
Original item by Stuart Buck
Laura's made a good point there Stu.
I think we've all got our three "Crem Songs" already lined up and this subject would make a great genre of poetry. I wonder if anyone else would care to add to the mix as it were?
Comment is about free bird (blog)
Original item by Stuart Buck
:) My brother's best friend had this for his funeral song. Never seen so many smiling faces in a crem before. Took us all right back in the day. I was fully expecting some to stand up with their air guitars, REALLY send him out!
Damn though, what a great idea for a poem. I shall leave it a decent 6 months before pinching it ;)
Comment is about free bird (blog)
Original item by Stuart Buck
Thanks for your note on Mothering Sunday, ray. Hope all's well with you :)
Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)
Original item by ray pool
Thanks for your note on Mothering Sunday, Greg.
Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
I love this poem. Thanks so much for giving me a copy. As predicted, it made my son chuckle. Lisa
Comment is about Hey Hipster (blog)
Original item by dazzer
Greg Freeman
Wed 9th Mar 2016 21:53
Jeff, well done with this poem. Burnden Park has been to some extent the forgotten football disaster. There were huge crowds at games just after the war ended. Chelsea had 100,000, way over capacity, for a friendly against Moscow Dynamo in 1945, and were lucky to escape a similar tragedy. And yes, you're quite right to be disappointed with one of the comments on here.
Comment is about Burnden Disaster 1946 (blog)
Original item by Jeffarama!