NAAR THEN!
As I walked through West Haddlesey
I clocked a bloke an’ ‘e clocked me
I nodded and bid ‘im “Good Day”
But all the old git had to say
Wa’ “Naar Then!”
Then nowt more said as ‘e trudged by
I puzzled this confused reply;
Whilst not the greatest o’ life’s shocks
It seemed a perfect paradox.
Naar ,
A paradox is when two bits
O’ thought are polar opposites
...Friday 3rd February 2023 11:12 am
THE GENGHIS KHAN OF CAS
The first time that I saw him I heard his scooter beep
He made a big impression then which memory I shall keep.
I copped him outside Flavour’s (sic) (Apostrophe Abuse!
Grammatical precision here is played with fast and loose).
For this is downtown Castleford where orange Tigers prowl
And few here know the difference twixt consonant and vowel.
But thats another story (sic) so, hel...
Wednesday 1st February 2023 11:08 am
REGRETS? I'VE HAD A FEW
Mostly to do with upsetting people that matter to me – Our Gert and the kids. But they all predicate on two principles – things I’ve said or done which I shouldn’t have and things I haven’t said or done with I should have. But it might be a measure of my superficiality that my mind keeps returning to a school rugby match over 50 years ago.
I was playing as an open side flanker. They had a li...
Sunday 29th January 2023 12:34 pm
SOBIBOR
Something for Holocaust Memorial Day - but a different angle.
They took us near Vinnytsia in 1941
Supply lines long since severed, ammunition all but gone.
We numbered 97 boys, all from Podillia’s lands
They shot a half of us right then as we raised our hands.
They ordered us to strip our dead beneath that wintery sun
I’ve asked myself a thousand times, “What would you ...
Friday 27th January 2023 12:45 pm
NAKED ATTRACTION
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it on the box but the premise is a simple one – ostensibly. It is to turn the dating game on its head. Whereas conventionally a relationship starts with a first date, a coffee or a drink in a pub, perhaps followed by a trip to local Essoldo, a goodnight kiss etc and, if things go well, end up in bed, sometimes with a loved and lifelong partner.
In Naked Attrac...
Wednesday 25th January 2023 7:35 pm
ZAHAWI
Zahawi, oh, oh!
He’s Sorry; Oh, oh, oh, oh!
So please, you must understand
It’s not something that I planned;
And now I’ve paid back
All my outstanding tax,
A careless and small oversight;
I tried to keep hid
The five million quid I was light;
And as per the laws
There were penalty clauses. Oh, shite!
Zahawi, …….
I ran the country’s Exchequer
We caught ...
Monday 23rd January 2023 7:05 pm
SO FAR AND YET SO NEAR
Believe me if you want to or ignore me if you don’t
It will not fuss me either way; I tell you, chums, it won’t.
It’s a story of a spectacle I witnessed once in France
About a shagging couple whom we happened on by chance.
We’d gone out “birding” in the woods, the wife’s old man and me
And both had binoculars, enhancing what we’d see.
We’d spotted Milan Noirs et Busards circ...
Sunday 22nd January 2023 8:10 pm
OH, THE PAIN
I was given three choices by the dentist
1 have it extracted
2 live with it and run the risk of its infection spreading
3 root canal treatment costing hundreds of pounds
You won’t be surprised to learn I discounted No. 3 quicksticks.
So today I went back for the extraction.
It’s been over 50 years since I last had an extraction and I can tell you in those days dentists were bu...
Friday 20th January 2023 2:12 pm
FREE TOMMY LEE ROYCE
There never was such injustice
To torture an innocent soul
As that dealt out by the Halifax bitch
Whose heart is as black as kohl.
For she struts abroad in her manor
Bathing in Virtue and Good
While he seethes alone with his daemons
Child-like and misunderstood.
But Hope is never abandoned
If we all rise with one voice
And shout from our streets and the hill...
Tuesday 17th January 2023 6:14 pm
ROSIE
My 91 year old mother-in-law lies in a Stroke Rehab Unit at the moment. Three years ago she was ballroom dancing and doing countryside walks. Five years ago she was playing tennis. Yesterday was her birthday. She is a shell of who she used to be.
A student nurse feeds Rosie a meal she didn’t choose
But Rosie’s thoughts are far away; she’s at The Moulin Rouge.
A chorus girl and da...
Sunday 15th January 2023 7:33 pm
THE GENIUS OF THE KIT KAT
Let me say from the off that the Kit Kat Chunky is without peer as my favourite bar of chocolate. And I’m not alone in this view. Kit Kat is the 2nd best selling chocolate bar in the world. But let me add that I am hugely impressed by the skill of Nestle in achieving this with not very much.
I’ll explain, shall I? Everyone will realise the cleverness of putting a hole in a Polo mint and, wh...
Friday 13th January 2023 4:03 pm
SPARE
Aficianados may have noticed a passing resemblance to Elvis Presley's "Teddy Bear"
I don’t wanna be your oven ready Spare
The place I fill
Is after Will
To be the country’s heir
Don’t wanna be your ready Spare.
Don’t wanna be a royal
In Camilla’s crew
I say that I want out
But also have my cake
And eat it too.
The book sales they will make me a mu...
Tuesday 10th January 2023 9:40 pm
THE WATERSPLASH FINAL
The Challenge Cup Final of May ‘68
Is etched in my memory from that fateful date
Affording the chance for the Good to be Great
For some though the memory mocks
None more so than Wakey’s Don Fox.
For those unfamiliar this was the scene
The climax of which was the best ever seen
An epic Cup Final contested between
West Yorkshire’s top pedigree breeds
The pride of Wake...
Sunday 8th January 2023 10:41 pm
THREE LITTLE LETTERS
Three little letters
Each on its own benign
November, Delta, Romeo
Short and anodyne.
But once in combination
In your heart strike fear
And three that you will never
Ever want to hear.
Three letters that will haunt you
You’ll bear for life the scar
In memory of the time they asked
Your views on DNR.
Saturday 7th January 2023 11:42 am
"Front or Back, Sir?"
I’m a long time out of it now, so whether modern-day woke-ism has overtaken it or not, I really don’t know.
But 50 years ago when I was an exceptionally mediocre rugby player post-match entertainment would be described at its kindest as “laddist”.
In those days even top tier rugby union at the international level wasn’t professional. In the sport’s bargain basement where I wore my boots not...
Wednesday 4th January 2023 11:17 pm
ROLLING IN THE DEEP (HORNSEA NEW YEAR SWIM)
(I'm sure Adele would like to team up with a singing talent like me!)
There’s a fire burning in my hearth
It’s warm there and it’s cosy – no need for gloves or scarf
But I must be demented and not right in the head
Or easily persuaded – I’m on the beach instead.
The wind it is howling and the waves are pounding in
My toe dips in the North Sea – it’s time I must begin
...Monday 2nd January 2023 7:19 pm
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