SOME LIKE IT COLD

This is dead boring.

 

I saw that film in ’59 that’s called “Some Like It Hot”

With Marilyn Monroe – pure movie gold;

But in the interests of diversity these days we’ve got

To recognise that there’s “Some Like It Cold”.

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CORKSCREWS

It’s occurred to me recently how enormously impressive is the range in design of corkscrews.

I managed for years with a conventional one; one-pieced with a T-bar, as I still have on my penknife.

But now I may choose between those with a collar and side-arms, those which lever on the bottle’s neck or even those which inject gas to pop the cork out.  There’s the Raymond Blanc, the rechargeable...

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WHO'S SORRY NOW?

Who’s Sorry Now? Who’s Sorry Now?

Who tries to lie his way out any how?

Who ridicules we plebs and fools

By breaking his own laws and rules?

Is this the end? Shafted by friends?

Is this your terminal bow?

Run out of laughs? Too many gaffes?

Too late that you’re sorry now.

 

You hope and pray the facts that Sue Gray

Finds out about last May keep your exit away

“Why ...

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YER DYSON AIRBLADE

We trudged round Designer Outlet

A day full of dull misery

I’d sampled a few cups of coffee

Which meant that I needed a pee.

I nipped to the public convenience

And read all the ads on the wall

Avoiding the one on Viagra

(A bloke was in the next stall).

But then as I left the urinals

I heard from the Ladies next door

The sound of a Dyson Airblade

Making its motorise...

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IN THE BLEAK MID-WINTER

To the sensibilities of our cossetted ears this was grisly business.  To those watching, though, this was a thing of glory – a glory greater than battle, glory which brought men close to the gods.

The Mace of Sol was older than the stories of the Old Folk – a thigh bone from a great beast, of which the Elders spoke but none could recall, for such beasts were no more.

The Mace was held high i...

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YOUNG GIRL

Young girl

Get outta my life

This royal scandal’s causing such strife;

I’m a toff, girl

Just bugger off, girl.

 

You say you met me when much younger,

When you were only 17

And when we danced together close I’d get

And dripped with sweat

You say that I should now come clean.

 

Young girl……….

 

You say I’m friends with Jeffrey Epstein

The allegation make...

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"LIFE'S A BITCH"

If you don’t believe the quacks,

Go ahead – don’t have the vaxx

And choose against sound common sense;

But choice, of course, has consequence;

Reference that Djokovic

Who’s going home –

          Yeah, life’s a bitch.

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THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD

It’s Me.

And I’m not talking about spiritual fulfilment or happiness or inner peace or any of that tree-hugging stuff.  I’m talking about money.

I say this because I cannot think of a single material thing I want, let alone need.

But let me put this into some context for you.

Yes, I have my own house, a car, caravan, take holidays when I want etc.  But this is only a fraction of my “pr...

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BABIES

 

He worked the prison garden and always quite alone

For fear of those reprisals that prisoners deal their own;

He could not tell the police, the courts, for reasons had he none,

Not even to himself could he explain what he had done;

So vacantly he tends his plot and lives each day somehow

And nurtures his geraniums which are his babies now

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